Betrayal at its finest.

I had a group of friends that I was close to all through out highschool. I had one main friend who I had so much in common with. She was the closest person I have ever had to a sister in my life. So close that I moved in with her.
We lived together for years, lots of ups and downs but somehow we always got through it. There were countless parties that we threw together and every time we would talk behind all of our friends backs but it felt okay at the time because we were so close and I thought she would never double cross me of all people.
After the years went by, we started to fight a lot more. I got a lot of attention from men because I'm an approachable kind of person, she was not. I was able to make more friends at school and she felt jealous of that. Her and her family would make undermining comments directed at me but I just shook it off cause I thought they were teasing me just for fun. There was one party that I got attention from a guy who she was gawking at from the other side of the bar. When I went outside to have a smoke with him at the end of the night, she yelled at me, calling me a worthless slut and everything you could possibly be disgusted at. We fought the entire ride home. After this fight and several others, we eventually stopped talking to eachother for months. Her family owned the house we were living in so I had to pay her rent. I was late on it a lot because I was a student and the child support that I was receiving from my father (long story) was cut off, and I had to pay for everything myself. I remember feeling completely humiliated because her and her siblings would talk me down right next to my bedroom door. I remember feeling so humiliated and worthless that I cut myself so deeply that I should have went to the hospital for stitches. I never did, and I forever have a scar that reminds me of this instant. I never told anyone, and ever since I've continued to cut myself.
After a while I couldn't stand living in that house anymore. I started using cocaine and got into a relationship I knew I shouldn't have been in (I was seeing another person before him and I started dating), but I felt so vulnerable and lonely that I did it anyways. Her jealousy got worse and on I confided in my childhood best friend (also her friend) that I wanted to move out. I had so much trust for this girl that I never thought she would tell her. I didn't have concrete plans to move out, but soon enough I get a message from my roommate degrading me and telling me
To pack my **** and leave. It was my best friend who told her because my roommate must have said something to push her to this point. I still don't know what she said to this day. So I moved. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like a stranger in a place I called home for years. I left, and all my friends stopped talking to me. The ones who I would see occasionally would act strange towards me and wouldn't make plans with me anymore. This happened just about two years ago. Some of my friends sort of came back, and her and I patched together somewhat only because of a serious tragedy I went through. This is just the tip of the iceberg of what I went through. I can't legibly write everything that has happened because it is either too hard or too confusing. Wether it's her befriending my brother, or the allegations of me cheating on my boyfriend ( she took the liberty in telling his friends about it at the time)
The reason why I started talking to her again was because I was still alone. My relationship failed terribly and I was left with nobody. I was at the lowest part of my entire life and I lost nearly 30 pounds because of stress and turned to drugs to numb my pain. I sill struggle with this every single day. I learned to put my love and trust into the people who matter, my family. Whether or not I resent my brother for being friends with her, I still love him. Although he probably will never experience the betrayal and anxiety that I went through, maybe some day he will understand. I won't ever tell him about my suicide attempts or the scars I now have on my body. It's not anyone else's fault for those, only mine. I learned one of them most valuable lessons, if not many from this experience. Don't be too quick to put all your trust into a person. Look out for the warning signs of a sociopath. The people who follow the words of a toxic person above your own, are not your friends. And most importantly, love yourself.
I have quit all drugs all together. I started to see a therapist because of this issue, and I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
I started a relationship with a man who I adore. He knows about my trust issues, and he is very patient with me. I stopped cutting myself, and rarely think of taking my own life. I am that girl who was too passive for just about too long. I'm learning everyday how to be assertive, and how to love.
I think I forgave her. I'm still getting over it, hence this post. But I assure you, I will never forget what I went through. And I'm glad because I will never be part of a girl group like that ever again. I'm happy to be surrounded by a wonderful family and few but amazing close friends. Whoever read this all the way through and struggles with something similar, please know that it gets better. You just have to make the right decisions for yourself, and take responsibility for what you do. Integrity and honesty is what will bring you above it. Love and good vibes to all. Thank you.

-A

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I'm so happy you were able to turn your life around and having a few close friends is a lot better than lots of fake ones. It must of been horrible and I can't imagine how hard it must be but at least you're on the right track now :smile:

Reply 2

bones-mccoy

Well done for healing yourself and quitting the drugs, I can't imagine how difficult it must have been. You are a strong young woman who now has the world at her feet, good luck :smile:

Reply 3

AnnaRainbows

You are a warrior. I'm so happy this ended with you becoming much stronger and independent. As for that girl, she couldn't be more jealous if she tried! The karma train is definitely heading her way.