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Not sure what to do - should I be worried? Advice appreciated.

I am always the last person to go upstairs in the evening (even though I know my dad stays awake on the computer late in the evening than I do), and tonight was the same. I was sitting in the living room watching Dave (I love that channel!), when I heard my dad come down. The living room door was closed, he opened it and stuck his head around, and then closed it again, and I heard him go into the kitchen. A couple of minutes later I decided that it was about time to go to bed, so opened the door and left the sitting room to go upstairs. I went to turn the kitchen light off, not realising that my dad was still in there. Anyway, he came out holding a sandwich and a bottle. I'm worried because:

a) He is overweight and getting more so, and as someone who over eats myself (though is somehow not overweight), I know the dangers of private binge eating. I've seen him eating stuff in the middle of the night before, and I just worry that he has a food problem. It's a bit hard to explain on here - probably sounds like nothing

b) the more pressing issue: a bottle? In the middle of the night? I'm assuming that it was a bottle of wine (rather than like a bottle of vinegar or something - lol), which is slighty odd at this time at night (especially when he was wearing a dressing gown and preparing to go to bed). Could this secret drinking not be some sort of sign of alcoholism? Maybe I am just over reacting. I would surely know if he had a drink problem. Still, it does seem extremely odd.

Anyway, sory for being so long-winded. Any advice on what to think/do?

Reply 1

ßlαcksωαn

17

haha nice story. Tell your mum? Or confront him if you're that worried.

Reply 2

Ink

12

You only saw him do this once, so I think you are overreacting.

You don't know that this is a regular thing for him, you don't know that he was going to drink the whole bottle, it is not that abnormal to have a little bit of wine or liquor before bed, and one sandwich hardly sounds like a binge to me. People can be overweight because of their activity levels, age, or the types of food they eat (during the day, without binging). You are jumping to a lot of conclusions here.

If you are honestly concerned, however, and you for whatever reason see this is a definite habit of his, talking to him is the obvious course of action. If you overeat too, it might put him more at ease if you relate this to yourself somehow and offer support. That said, a lot of parents would, I think, get defensive and try to play it off like nothing was wrong if their children confronted them about problems like this, even to offer support.

Reply 3

ticos

OP

13

Well, perhaps I should be more worried about the fact that I'm not concerned at all. I'm merely curious. That's not because I don't think that there are some problems, because I really suspect there might be, but because my dad and i have never been close in the lsightest, never really talked, and are completely indifferent to one another.
To above posters, it has been a lot more and more often than one sandwich. And my parents weren't sharing a bottle of wine since they don't like each other and have seperate bedrooms, and my mum went to sleep a couple of hours ago.
Hmmm.

Reply 4

ticos

OP

13

blackswan

haha nice story.

Thanks

I do seem to have a talent for long-windedness here on TSR! I'm surprised that anyone bothers to read my posts really...!

Reply 5

ticos

OP

13

The other thing is though that he was really shifty when I saw the bottle (he dropped i making a loud noise, which is how I noticed it). If his automatic reaction was guilt, that's not good.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

In my experience of having an alcoholic family member, I wouldn't say that one bottle of wine at night is anything to worry about. When it becomes more at night and then increases to afternoon then morning and then so it's all day, then worry.

As for the food, maybe he's bored or something. My brother eats late at night when he's not got anything else to do - probably sounds crazy but it's true!

Only thing I can suggest really is talk to him. That might be the only way you're going to find anything out.

Reply 7

death.drop

16

Anonymous

In my experience of having an alcoholic family member, I wouldn't say that one bottle of wine at night is anything to worry about. When it becomes more at night and then increases to afternoon then morning and then so it's all day, then worry.

As for the food, maybe he's bored or something. My brother eats late at night when he's not got anything else to do - probably sounds crazy but it's true!

Only thing I can suggest really is talk to him. That might be the only way you're going to find anything out.

an alcoholic doesn't necessarily need to drink a lot. it's just that they feel they need alcohol to live. i knew someone who had to have a bottle of wine every night because she was depressed and she said it was the only way she could get to sleep. she said it wasn't a big deal but when i was with her one night and took the bottle away she went into a rage and then cried hysterically. i know that in that case it links more to depression but my point is that alcoholism is the feeling of needing that alcohol. and as you say, the heavy drinkers don't start off as heavy drinkers.

btw, to the OP: i'm not saying your dad necessarily has a problem. i was just putting my view across about alcoholism.

Reply 8

ticos

OP

13

death.drop

an alcoholic doesn't necessarily need to drink a lot. it's just that they feel they need alcohol to live. i knew someone who had to have a bottle of wine every night because she was depressed and she said it was the only way she could get to sleep. she said it wasn't a big deal but when i was with her one night and took the bottle away she went into a rage and then cried hysterically. i know that in that case it links more to depression but my point is that alcoholism is the feeling of needing that alcohol. and as you say, the heavy drinkers don't start off as heavy drinkers.

btw, to the OP: i'm not saying your dad necessarily has a problem. i was just putting my view across about alcoholism.

It's OK, I completely share your view. I'm not going to do anything about it, whether I come to the conclusion that he has a problem or not. I just wanted to see what others thought. I'm glad some people have said I'm over-reacting - at least that means it's not serious.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Maybe I'm biased, but the way I see it is that people who lose their life due to alcoholism (as in my family members case) don't lose it through a bottle of wine a night. They lose it through drinking day in, day out, not caring what it is just as long as they have alcohol. However I do understand what you said about needing it to live. It is true, my aunt used it as a way of coping.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread, sorry, I'm going to be quiet now.

Reply 10

ticos

OP

13

Anonymous

Maybe I'm biased, but the way I see it is that people who lose their life due to alcoholism (as in my family members case) don't lose it through a bottle of wine a night. They lose it through drinking day in, day out, not caring what it is just as long as they have alcohol. However I do understand what you said about needing it to live. It is true, my aunt used it as a way of coping.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread, sorry, I'm going to be quiet now.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I am truely sorry for anyone in your position (even faceless nameless people on the internet). Living wit an alcoholic must feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall. I do not, however, believe my dad has got anywhere near this stage (yet). I don't think I'd have to be posting a thread on TSR saying "should I be worried?" if he had. I am not trying to belittle the affects of alcoholism on alcohloics or their friends or families. I just thought that my dad's attitude to drink was unhealthy.

Not sure what to do - should I be worried? Advice appreciated.

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