Please help!

Original post by anonymous4444

Posting this in the Cambridge forum because I have an offer from Cambridge so it directly affects my offer...

I wondered if someone could help me.

I’m having a complete nightmare if I’m being honest.

A quick overview of me:

I’m in Upper Sixth so I’m taking my a-levels in about 2 months time.

I’ve got uni offers with very high grades which I’ve accepted. However my work in my a levels has been significantly hindered over the last year and a half.

Last year for the second half of my lower sixth year I suffered from severe glandular fever. This made me extremely exhausted all the time and I found that I was not concentrating on lessons and so I got behind.

Then this October, my grandad passed away and again, this significantly affected my concentration levels.

Finally, this February my mum decided to leave my dad and get a divorce and it’s turned so hostile. This last one is really affecting me now as I try to revise over the holidays. Not only is the environment at home constantly on edge due to the constant arguing but it’s also having a psychological effect on me and my concentration.

All of these things combined have had a very significant impact on my A levels. I know it sounds really pathetic but these things have been emotionally draining and have genuinely had a large impact on my ability to work and keep on top of my subjects.

I was wondering if there is anything I can do about it?
Should I contact my universities and let them know of my unfortunate circumstances?
Should I contact exam boards and try to apply for mitigating circumstances (I don’t know much about this but I don’t know if I fit the “criteria”)?

I can’t speak to my mum about this as she will feel so guilty for leaving my dad and feeling like it’s her fault. I can’t speak to my dad cuz he will blame my mum. And I don’t particularly want to talk about it to teachers as school as I feel a bit pathetic and feel like I’ll just be seen as begging for unnecessary help.

I’m so stuck what to do! My exam boards are AQA and OCR if that helps and my firm uni is Cambridge and my insurance is Durham.

I’m just so worried what will happen if I miss my grades because I have no idea what my Home situation will be like next year and it terrifies me and when I try to work it’s all I can think about.

Posted as anonymous because I’m quite embarrassed about the whole situation and about the fact I’m kicking up a fuss but I would appreciate ANY advice anyone could give me!

Sorry for the essay

Thanks in advance

One thing you can do is discussing the issue with your school and get them contact the Cambridge college you got the offer from to explain the situation and ask for their advice whether it’s better to fill the extenuating circumstances form now. It may safe-guard you to some extent in case you have a problem meeting the offfer in August.
To what extent they’d take it into account in the event is not certain but either way it’s much better to let them know the situation now than after the result day as they may think you’re just making an excuse for missing the offer.

Sorry you’ve been experiencing so many difficult problems. Hope things will get better before too long.
Good luck.

Reply 2

OP

Original post by vincrows

One thing you can do is discussing the issue with your school and get them contact the Cambridge college you got the offer from to explain the situation and ask for their advice whether it’s better to fill the extenuating circumstances form now. It may safe-guard you to some extent in case you have a problem meeting the offfer in August.
To what extent they’d take it into account in the event is not certain but either way it’s much better to let them know the situation now than after the result day as they may think you’re just making an excuse for missing the offer.

Sorry you’ve been experiencing so many difficult problems. Hope things will get better before too long.
Good luck.

Thank you for this.

As I’m off school for another two weeks would it be beneficial for me to contact Cambridge myself? Or should I wait until I’m back at school?

It’s frustrating because I can’t get my parents’ advice on this and I don’t know how sympathetic/helpful my school will be about it.

Reply 3

Original post by anonymous4444

Thank you for this.

As I’m off school for another two weeks would it be beneficial for me to contact Cambridge myself? Or should I wait until I’m back at school?

It’s frustrating because I can’t get my parents’ advice on this and I don’t know how sympathetic/helpful my school will be about it.

In the situation like that and you won’t know how you’ll perform at the exams, I don’t think two weeks wait should make any difference.
I believe that sort of thing is much better to be done via your school/referee.
In general most schools are quite willing to support their Oxbridge offer holders in any way in their ability as how many students they send to Oxbridge affect their reputation. :wink:

Also, raising an issue of a very personal situation like that and its effect to your mental status is much better done via the third party with authority (= your school/referee) because it gives more weight and credibility.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 4

OP

I would really appreciate it if anyone has any further views on this?
I'm so grateful for the advice already given but I would just like some other views?

Reply 5

Doones

21

Original post by anonymous4444

I would really appreciate it if anyone has any further views on this?
I'm so grateful for the advice already given but I would just like some other views?

The advice from @vincrows is what you need to do. There's no harm in contacting your College now though so they are at least aware of your circumstances.

Reply 6

tsunami123

3

okay, well I have lately been feeling the same things. drained. unable to concentrate. unable to work. no work ethic. I am in year 11 and my GCSEs are approaching soon. so when you tell me it "sounds pathetic" it honestly isn't. maybe the best option for you to do is to talk to the parent who you are naturally closer to and talk to them honestly. it seems to me that you are suffering from these situations because you have bottled up your emotions and feelings. and maybe the only reason you cannot talk to your mum honestly is that you don't know how to. I would suggest talking to your mom or dad and then talking to some of your friends. I am sure they would be willing to help you and get you in the position where you need to be.
also yes I do think you should contact exam boards and speak to your headteachers in your school because they can help you. from an outsider's point of view, it honestly seems to me that you aren't really helping yourself. (no offense) you need to get yourself to where you really want to be. get confident and talk to someone. ask for help and support. go to your teachers. go to exam boards. honestly take this from someone who has my exams in a month don't leave it until its too late. get stuff done before you regret it and miss your opportunity to get somewhere and do what you want to do!!!

Reply 7

ImprobableCacti

15

Original post by anonymous4444

Posting this in the Cambridge forum because I have an offer from Cambridge so it directly affects my offer...

I wondered if someone could help me.

I’m having a complete nightmare if I’m being honest.

A quick overview of me:

I’m in Upper Sixth so I’m taking my a-levels in about 2 months time.

I’ve got uni offers with very high grades which I’ve accepted. However my work in my a levels has been significantly hindered over the last year and a half.

Last year for the second half of my lower sixth year I suffered from severe glandular fever. This made me extremely exhausted all the time and I found that I was not concentrating on lessons and so I got behind.

Then this October, my grandad passed away and again, this significantly affected my concentration levels.

Finally, this February my mum decided to leave my dad and get a divorce and it’s turned so hostile. This last one is really affecting me now as I try to revise over the holidays. Not only is the environment at home constantly on edge due to the constant arguing but it’s also having a psychological effect on me and my concentration.

All of these things combined have had a very significant impact on my A levels. I know it sounds really pathetic but these things have been emotionally draining and have genuinely had a large impact on my ability to work and keep on top of my subjects.

I was wondering if there is anything I can do about it?
Should I contact my universities and let them know of my unfortunate circumstances?
Should I contact exam boards and try to apply for mitigating circumstances (I don’t know much about this but I don’t know if I fit the “criteria”)?

I can’t speak to my mum about this as she will feel so guilty for leaving my dad and feeling like it’s her fault. I can’t speak to my dad cuz he will blame my mum. And I don’t particularly want to talk about it to teachers as school as I feel a bit pathetic and feel like I’ll just be seen as begging for unnecessary help.

I’m so stuck what to do! My exam boards are AQA and OCR if that helps and my firm uni is Cambridge and my insurance is Durham.

I’m just so worried what will happen if I miss my grades because I have no idea what my Home situation will be like next year and it terrifies me and when I try to work it’s all I can think about.

Posted as anonymous because I’m quite embarrassed about the whole situation and about the fact I’m kicking up a fuss but I would appreciate ANY advice anyone could give me!

Sorry for the essay

Thanks in advance

I am in an extremely similar situation and have been thinking about doing the same but I just don’t know how to go about it. :/

Reply 8

OP

Original post by ImprobableCacti

I am in an extremely similar situation and have been thinking about doing the same but I just don’t know how to go about it. :/

I completely understand - it's so hard to simply go to someone at school and explain it all - like I don't know how to bring it up or anything??

Reply 9

OP

Original post by tsunami123

okay, well I have lately been feeling the same things. drained. unable to concentrate. unable to work. no work ethic. I am in year 11 and my GCSEs are approaching soon. so when you tell me it "sounds pathetic" it honestly isn't. maybe the best option for you to do is to talk to the parent who you are naturally closer to and talk to them honestly. it seems to me that you are suffering from these situations because you have bottled up your emotions and feelings. and maybe the only reason you cannot talk to your mum honestly is that you don't know how to. I would suggest talking to your mom or dad and then talking to some of your friends. I am sure they would be willing to help you and get you in the position where you need to be.
also yes I do think you should contact exam boards and speak to your headteachers in your school because they can help you. from an outsider's point of view, it honestly seems to me that you aren't really helping yourself. (no offense) you need to get yourself to where you really want to be. get confident and talk to someone. ask for help and support. go to your teachers. go to exam boards. honestly take this from someone who has my exams in a month don't leave it until its too late. get stuff done before you regret it and miss your opportunity to get somewhere and do what you want to do!!!

My main issue is getting the confidence to go and speak to someone about it...I know as soon as I start talking about it aloud it'll feel more real than it is now and I'll probably start crying and I'm just too embarrassed to do that in front of someone...ugh

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Doonesbury

The advice from @vincrows is what you need to do. There's no harm in contacting your College now though so they are at least aware of your circumstances.

How would I phrase a letter/email to my college though?

Reply 11

Original post by anonymous4444

How would I phrase a letter/email to my college though?

Your OP does a good job:

Dear Admissions,

I just wanted to bring something to your attention as I feel it may affect my ability to achieve my offer.

Last year for the second half of my lower sixth year I suffered from severe glandular fever. This made me extremely exhausted all the time and I found that I was not concentrating on lessons and so I got behind.

Then this October, my grandad passed away and again, this significantly affected my concentration levels.

Finally, this February my mum decided to leave my dad and get a divorce and it’s turned so hostile. This last one is really affecting me now as I try to revise over the holidays. Not only is the environment at home constantly on edge due to the constant arguing but it’s also having a psychological effect on me and my concentration.

All of these things combined have had a very significant impact on my A levels. I know it sounds really pathetic but these things have been emotionally draining and have genuinely had a large impact on my ability to work and keep on top of my subjects.

I have asked my school (correct?) to provide a further letter/email to give more detial on the impact these circumstances are having on my exam preparation.

Many thanks for your help,

anonymous4444

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 12

Original post by anonymous4444

My main issue is getting the confidence to go and speak to someone about it...I know as soon as I start talking about it aloud it'll feel more real than it is now and I'll probably start crying and I'm just too embarrassed to do that in front of someone...ugh

When you speak to someone about it, I think you’ll actually find it easier than how you’re anticipating now. And it’s very important you don’t bottle it up in yourself.
Pastoral care is one of the important roles of your teachers. They are trained to deal with it and Most teachers usually do care about you more than you think they do. No need to go to them with some perfect speech to explain the situation. Just tell them (your form teacher or a uni application referee, perhaps) you have a bit of problem at home which is affecting your mental status and study. And the conversation will develop naturally from there.
And as others have agreed, it is very important to let the college know before the a-level exams if you think it may affect your exam performance.

I’m not sure if @Peterhouse Admissions would agree with me but personally I think it’d be better to communicate about it with the college through your school than you sending letter/email on your own. Or at least ask your school to write a note to accompany your letter.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 13

Original post by vincrows

I’m not sure if @Peterhouse Admissions would agree with me but personally I think it’d be better to communicate about it with the college through your school than you sending letter/email on your own. Or at least ask your school to write a note to accompany your letter.

I would say belt and braces and two letters/emails - one from you (as above) to say that you're having some problems and one from the school to say how it is affecting you. The offer is between you and the college and although we want to hear from your referee (they are the educational professional after all), we'd also like to hear from you.

Once you're over 18 you're an adult so we would want the primary route of communication to be with you. Come results day, if there does need to be discussion about your offer, this will need to be with you. One of the reasons we started holding an offer-holder open day at Peterhouse is to get candidates happier with the idea of speaking to/emailing us. After the intensity of the admissions process we want them to see that we're all (roughly) normal people with normal human emotion and an interest in our students' wellbeing. The reason I come to work is to help people, not to cast judgement or cut people loose! I'd imagine your teachers would be similar. You don't need to have a speech prepared, just send the email and have a quiet chat to one of your teacher ("teacher, could I talk to you? I'm worried I might struggle with my offer...")

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 14

OP

Original post by Peterhouse Admissions

Your OP does a good job:

Dear Admissions,

I just wanted to bring something to your attention as I feel it may affect my ability to achieve my offer.

Last year for the second half of my lower sixth year I suffered from severe glandular fever. This made me extremely exhausted all the time and I found that I was not concentrating on lessons and so I got behind.

Then this October, my grandad passed away and again, this significantly affected my concentration levels.

Finally, this February my mum decided to leave my dad and get a divorce and it’s turned so hostile. This last one is really affecting me now as I try to revise over the holidays. Not only is the environment at home constantly on edge due to the constant arguing but it’s also having a psychological effect on me and my concentration.

All of these things combined have had a very significant impact on my A levels. I know it sounds really pathetic but these things have been emotionally draining and have genuinely had a large impact on my ability to work and keep on top of my subjects.

I have asked my school (correct?) to provide a further letter/email to give more detial on the impact these circumstances are having on my exam preparation.

Many thanks for your help,

anonymous4444

Thank you so much for this - I really appreciate it!

One final question - if I were to get in touch with my college’s admissions and make them aware of my situation, would this actually be taken into account or will they only be considering my grades? I’m just wondering what the impact will be, if any.

Thanks!

Reply 15

Original post by anonymous4444

Thank you so much for this - I really appreciate it!

One final question - if I were to get in touch with my college’s admissions and make them aware of my situation, would this actually be taken into account or will they only be considering my grades? I’m just wondering what the impact will be, if any.

Thanks!

We all hope you make your offer but if you do fall short, this will be taken into account when considering whether to relax your offer.

Reply 16

OP

My school has advised me not to send anything as they think it may do more harm than good - by implication I’m assuming they wouldn’t send up a follow letter if I asked again.

Should I just leave it then and hope I get the grades? (It’s going to be a miracle if I do!)

@vincrows @Doonesbury @ImprobableCacti

Reply 17

Doones

21

Original post by anonymous4444

My school has advised me not to send anything as they think it may do more harm than good - by implication I’m assuming they wouldn’t send up a follow letter if I asked again.

Should I just leave it then and hope I get the grades? (It’s going to be a miracle if I do!)

@vincrows @Doonesbury @ImprobableCacti

Tell your school what a member of a Cambridge college admissions team has advised you to do. I'd suggest Peterhouse is in a better position to advise you than your school on this... and no it definitely won't "do more harm than good". The more context Cambridge have to a candidate's application the better.

And just to add, the Peterhouse Admissions account on TSR is the Admissions Coordinator and SLM (School Liaison Manager) at the college. This *is* their actual job to advise on things like this.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 18

Original post by anonymous4444

My school has advised me not to send anything as they think it may do more harm than good - by implication I’m assuming they wouldn’t send up a follow letter if I asked again.

I think that's quite shoddy advice. You can tell them I said so.

What possible harm could it do? Your offer isn't going anywhere.

Original post by anonymous4444

Should I just leave it then and hope I get the grades? (It’s going to be a miracle if I do!)

NO! If you do fall short then your college will look again at your file to reassess before you are rejected. Offer conditions can be waived and every year we admit students who have fallen short of their offer. However, your college can only make an informed judgement with appropriate sensitivity if they are in full possession of the facts so get in touch.

Every year we get some offer-holders who are very upset on results day when they have missed their offer and been rejected. Some will have been through incredibly tough times and would have been accepted with lower grades if only we had known. In results week, lots of irreversible decisions need to be taken in a short space of time (otherwise we mess up people's insurance choices) so we try to make as many decisions as possible before students themselves know their results. If you find out your results aren't what you hoped then it may well be too late to do anything if your college has decided to pass you on to your insurance choice - they can't get you back even if they want to.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 19