Constantly fighting with my sister

I'm 16 and my sister is 20. We always fought as children and right up until she left for university not a day would go by without us fighting. Things got better when she went to university as she only came back every few weeks and even then it was only for one night. Unfortunately, my sister always, ALWAYS caused trouble on her nights home.

My sister was in a four year relationship that ended just as she started university. When they broke up she told us how he'd beaten her up and we all agreed that she was better off without him. But when she came home my sister would inevitably end up running into her ex-boyfriend whom she'd profess her love to once again and then they'd fight, he'd hit her and then she'd return to university only to repeat the entire thing two weeks later.

Last Autumn Hannah dropped out of university. She'd spent the previous year drinking alcohol and snorting cocaine and had run up a huge amount of debt. Since then she'd been working but having her home again is driving me mad. She keeps stealing my stuff, make-up and clothes (I'm a size 6, she's a size 10 and I've had to chuck away half of my clothing because she's stretched it). She snoops around my bedroom when I'm at school and stalks me on Myspace (Don't laugh! It's creepy. She reads all the comments I send and receive and it's just wrong!).

Whenever my parents are in the room she is really nice to me and compliments me. Because of this (and I assume this is what she was trying to do) my parents think she dotes on me and I always get the blame for it as my sister couldn't possibly be mean to the sister she always says she "loves" - However, when we're alone or away from my parents she does everything to bring down my self esteem. I think part of her is jealous because my sister at sixteen was completely different to how I am - She was a bit of a mess as a teenager. She started smoking at 11, drinking at 12 and lost her virginity to a 25 year old at the age of 14. She used to get into fights every weekend and she self harmed.
During one of the moments that we actually got on, she told me that I make everything look "so easy" and I think part of her resents me because of this.

Recently she's found a new way of baiting me. She keeps lying about things I've supposedly done. Take today for example, I missed the school bus and instead of catching two buses into town (and then having to walk up the huge, huge hill to my school) I stayed home. It wasn't the original plan, I had hoped to ring my grandma so she could come and pick me up but my mum had taken the phone cord to prevent my sister making long distance calls :biggrin:

I asked my sister if I could borrow her phone but she said that she had no credit, fair enough- she never does.

So today I finished my ICT coursework and revised for my Maths module. However, my sister told my mum that I hadn't even attempted to catch the bus (I did and it was very embarrassing :biggrin:

) and that I'd stayed at home playing on the internet. She'd topped up her phone specially for me and then she (apparently) gave it to me and told me to ring my grandma. It was only when she looked at the last numbers dialled that she realised I hadn't. This is a complete fabrication, she did NOTHING of the sort.

My mum went mad at me and even though I rang my sister and got her to confess on loudspeaker, I'm still not sure my mum completely believes me.
She's done it three times now, she twists things so that it makes it sound like I did something worse and it's really driving my me and my parents apart. Can anybody please give me some suggestions as to what I can do about her as I'm really at the end of my tether.

Um. Wow. That was cathartic :biggrin:

Congratulations if you managed to make it through that essay, I didn't realise I had that many sister-complaints (and I could quite easily write double that if pushed). Siblings fight, I understand that but my sister is making me absolutely miserable and it's affecting everyone around me. I need an outsider's opinion on this because of course I'm going to be more biased towards myself :smile:

Help, anyone?!

Oh and apologies for any typos or sentences that don't make sense. I'm scared to re-read this post as I'll just get angry again!

Reply 1

MSB

17

Unfortunately she's family so you're stuck with her. Therefore you need to fix these problems and get her to change her behaviour.

Reply 2

99p And A Flake

7

I don't think people do change. Why should you be stuck with her just because she shares your name? If it were anyone else you just wouldn't talk to them, so don't associate with her. It's sad but what can you do

Reply 3

PurpleWorld

I know it doesn't particularly help, but I know how it feels! I have an older and younger sister, and I have fought with both of them ever since we were little. My little sister isn't so bad although we argue over really stupid things practically every day. However, when my older sister is home from uni its hell. Anything and everything she can comment on she will - when she is home literally a day does not go by with her telling me how ugly, fat (despite being about 3 clothes sizes bigger than me), unlikeable or stupid I am. She knows exactly how to wind me up/upset me, which inevitably results in an argument. I think partly our personalities just clash, but otherwise I think it's because although she acts very confident (bordering on arrogance) she is prabaly actually pretty insecure about herself.

Like I said, not much help, but the only thing I can suggest is trying to get your parent's to understand you point of view (I know how hard that can be though).

Constantly fighting with my sister

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