It’s very long but please read and advise

I wanted to study medicine but I couldn’t get in after A levels so I studied biomedical sciences with the aim to apply for graduate medicine. As an international student in the UK, during my first year at uni, I tried to socialize but then there was so much workload that I felt I am falling behind and there was so much completion and seeing all my fellow students working hard towards their goal (most wanted to study medicine too) motivated me to study really hard.
During first year I was afraid that I might fail as my a levels didn’t go well so I focused fully on studies and didn’t really made any frnds.
During summer break, I went back home.
Then before the second year start, I applied to join societies but again second year was hard and it was the year I had to sit the UCAT (an exam I never did before) so I couldn’t socialize much but I was happy as I was doing well in exams etc. I would do some cooking and shopping during my free time but that is it.
Then during the summer after second year, I applied for some work experience and did the UCAT and BMAT. I was fully involved in my medicine application and was happy that time even though o didn’t have a life outside this all. I didn’t get a really high ucat and bmat score but I was told by my advisor at uni that I shouldn’t be too worried as it was my first time taking these exams and that I can always apply next year if I don’t get in. So I got four rejections which made me worried but I thought it is fine I’ll give it another try and that I should focus on my degree.
It was 2020 when I graduated so covid year it was! During my final year final exams I had to go back home bcz of covid and I couldn’t take the ucat and bmat and I was so exhausted at this point and worried too that now I will have to take two gap years one to apply and then second to wait to get in and still it is possible that I might not get in!! So I was really confused on what to do during these two years! I really wanted to be back to UK but my visa was expired as I finished my degree. I thought to do masters but I felt like if I’ll start masters then I won’t be able to do well in ucat again and I was also advised that I should focus on my medicine application. Then I tried to get a work visa in the uk but some agent in my home contra said that if once I go to uk on work visa I won’t be able to then apply for a study visa in future so I thought I’ll stay with my parents in my home country work here and prepare for my medicine application.
But my time back home was as if I m in jail (I know I should’ve saying this) but I was only able to go out with my dad and just to go to one place they’ll make issues that there time is being wasted etc etc. also there was so much toxicity at my home. One of my sister always taunting me making fun of me and sometimes don’t even letting me study. During the day before my ucat exam, my sister and mom were fighting in my room over lame things. This time also my exam didn’t go as I wanted it to be. After exam, I was crying and instead of giving me hope my mom start to fight with me.
I became so confused at this point that I didn’t even know what to do next.
One day my sister taunt me to the point that she regret me everything about past. She said you don’t have life. You don’t have boyfriend. You don’t have frbds. You will get Married at an old age. You are ugly and made fun of me. Nobody said anything to her.
Next morning, I was crying and my dad got angry at me and said that he won’t send me abroad for studies.
Everyone behaved so bad with me since I was back home. Even my dad from day 1 I realized that he hates me. And one of my sisters said you are jealous of my beauty etc.
I applied to medicine with the score I got and I received one interview I was so glad that I at least got an interview so I started preparing for it. During this time, my sister again disturbed me taunt me. This time I got so hurt that I was always crying for no point. The interview didn’t go well and I got rejected. I again started to prepare for ucat for the next year and instead of feeling sorry for me that I got rejected everybody behaved so bad. I went to depression and my sisters comments actually made me regret that I didn’t have any life during my time in the uk and then the next two years also I was isolated.
Now 3 years after graduating with biomedical I now got a place to study medicine in the uk and I’ll be staring this Sep.
But I don’t know why I m always regretting and my sisters comments makes me feel like I am now too old ( I’m 25 btw) to enjoy uni life to make frnds and I regret almost all the time that why I had no life during biomedical. Is it common to not have had any frbds during your first degree?
And what I regret even more is the 2 years that I spent back that were isolated and full of toxicity. I had so many plans for those two years and nothing got done while I was back home. I don’t know how to stop regretting please I need sone advice? I was a really happy person during high school and I used even participate in extracurricular s, I had frbds and even people were inspired by me. And today my sister is making fun of me that I have no life and no guy frnds, I mean if I didn’t had a bf during uni that is bcz I wanted to stay single and I don’t understand that my sister made fun of me for not having one.

Reply 1

lamiyak0002

First of congratulations on getting a place to study medicine! All of your hard work has paid off and now you are finally where you want to be. So be proud of yourself.

Second, I am sorry for everything you had to go through. Its terrible to be looked down upon by your own family. I know it's easier said than done but try your best not to let them get to you.

When u arrive in the uk to study medicine, get involved in club activities from day one. Medicine is really hard so obviously you have to make sure you focus on you studies and stuff. Also, why not take the initiative to start a conversation yourself? Maybe when you first enter the lecture room and find yourself a sit, look around yourself and say hi and introduce yourself and start the convo that way.

Oh also will you staying in student accommodation? If so, this is also a good way to make some friends!

Anyways, the bottom line is, don't wait for others to come and talk to you as they themselves might be nervous or anxious. So try to conquer your nervousness and anxiousness and take the initiative yourself.

I hope that's been of some help.

Feel free to msg if you need someone to talk to. I hope everything goes well for you.

Once again congratulations 🎊👏💐

Btw may I ask which uni u will be going to? I applied to med this year as well and didn't get in bcoz of a levels and have sent my papers to be remarked. Would appreciate it if you could keep me in your prayers (if you pray)