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I'm feeling guilty for loving living on my own - how do I handle this guilt?

I have grown up being a carer for my mother and two older sisters, I don't know if I could call myself a carer for my two sisters, they were lazy and wouldn't do anything round the house, not even go to school. About 9 years ago my sister moved out after meeting her husband at work and moved in with him, they are now celebrating three years of marriage and have a three year old daughter together.

Sadly, my mother passed away two years ago due to a range of medical issues. As my mother was a social housing tenant I applied to take over via successions rights so my sister and I wouldn't become homeless, my application was granted.

I'm not going to lie, I did struggle being a carer, I missed a lot of school due to having to deal with so many issues at home and keeping up with the house (this was a four story house).

Just over four months ago, I don't remember why I did, probably because I couldn't take it anymore, I told my sister that my other sister has to move in with her. My sister came round and collected her things and have been living with them two ever since.

Two months ago I went to my nieces birthday party, my sister who used to live with me texted me the day before she won't come down unless I stay downstairs with the guests, even then she only talked to me. When I was at my nieces party, this caused me to feel like I was back caring for her.

When my sister was living with me, if I had a bath, she'd be outside the door constantly talking about the drama going on with her friendship group, as well as her being out there, my cats would be out there waiting by the door, but they cats so I don't blame them.

If I was trying to cook she'd be there constantly talking to me and it was distracting, it caused the smoke alarms to go of a lot. I couldn't do any proper cleaning alone, say if I was collecting the dirty clothes so they could be washed she would be there and I found it distracting as she would be talking about whatever. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been upstairs to collect something I need but then forget it multiple times because my sister was there distracting me.

As soon as she left I was able to clean every single window in the house, do all the laundry, clean the bathroom, clean some bedrooms etc. I felt calm and relaxed, something I never felt before. I've honestly get so much done and now I go on so many walks as I have time to spare.

The thing is this is making me feel guilty for being able to relax and calm, I can now complete my college work on time, the teachers noticed a difference, I'm going to uni this September. I just feel guilty for feeling calm and relaxed and being able to relax, how can I handle this guilt?
Reply 1
I would highly recommend therapy. It really helped me deal with my guilt and low self esteem.
Hope you're doing okay:dolphin:

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