Depression Society MkII

i haven't had a single kiss or hug from another human being for a whole year, almost to the hour. how happy that makes me feel. what the **** is this joke of a life that i lead?

I replied saying that she'd really upset and shocked me and that it would take me a while to get over that but we could be on speaking terms. I said that I have a lot of work to do and am already behind so I can't be very sociable but that doesn't mean that I can't be bothered with her.

She replied saying...'well i think shocking you is a bit drastic. i will apologise for over reacting but you upset me too. i've always had your best interests at heart and i will offer you my apology but i dont expect to be punished by you. it really did feel like you were avoiding me and like you cant wait to get rid of me. i know you have a lot of work to do and i respect that but it doesnt take much to say hello once in a while cos lets face it im the one who keeps trying to include you and you dont seem to care. besides my anger the other night have i ever done anything wrong by you? because that's what it feels like'

I'm thinking of replying with 'look, i really can't be dealing with this right now. either accept that i'll speak to you and you put it behind you aswell or don't bother and we'll just ignore each other'

This has really annoyed me. I did nothing wrong. I was WORKING, which funnily enough is what I came to university to do! And as for her saying she's the one who always has to put the effort in, who is the one who is always having to go to her house? Me. And I don't ever get the chance to say hello first or anything because she's always always always there first! argh!

she sounds like a massive waste of space and a drain on you when friends should be helpful and supportive. id cut loose if i were you. she seems really childish and also a bit crazy.

Yeah, last night was a nightmare. She wouldn't leave it and says she'll bring it up in the future. I said I couldn't be dealing with that and needed it finished now. So yeah...we're on speaking terms but that's it. She was so horrible and didn't understand why I was upset. I'm fed up of people twisting things and being horrible and making me feel like I'M the one in the wrong. Never mind, it should hopefully be over now and if she brings it up again, I will just ignore her. Thanks for all your support hun, means a lot

--------------

It's 4 years since Vicki died today. Not taking it well at all Going to see Queen tonight at the O2 arena and then going home for the weekend.

Handed in my assignment but I'm not at all happy with it.

Things with people in my lectures were weird again today. Feeling distant but I'm not going to dwell on it because I know that things have been fine on other days and will no doubt go back to being fine.

--------------

How is everyone? x

Oh, also, I'm really sorry but I may not have access to a computer this weekend as I'm leaving my laptop here at uni (I know it's not safe but I can't be taking it to the gig with me really!) So yeah...text me if you want to chat and for those of you who don't have my number ask Siti or Kate xxx

I'm thinking about getting drunk

Everything seems hopeless right now. When i need comfort I go to alcohol. what are the alternatives?

Talk to us instead? xx

Hey

Do you ever find that when one area of your life is good, the others look like a pile of crap?

Hi guys,

I had a bad night on Tuesday, but I am not going to dwell on it. In a nutshell: alcohol is not the answer.

I had the most amazing conversation tonight with such a random person. I wish I could type it up all now but it would take too long. He made a lot of sense. He has two degrees and a masters in psychology or psychotherapy and has his own practice. He has just moved here to do a workshop at York. He was in therapy for 10 years. He needed directions so we walked back together. It's as if everything he mentioned was related to me in some way and I was able to see what I was doing wrong and, perhaps, what I could do to start putting things right. I will explain it in more detail when I get the chance.

found out today it could be up to a year before i get the feeling back in some of my fingers if the nerve has been badly damaged. I am a very unhappy bunny.

I need help. I need someone there. No one is. I tried the samaritans but just ended up crying and not being able to talk. I can't cope. I'm falling to pieces. I've been staying away from posting on here because I can't support people at the moment so therefore shouldn't post because I'd just be a burden and it wouldn't be fair to get support if I'm not giving it. I'm sorry for being selfish and posting now but I really don't know what else to do. I can't cope anymore. I'm falling and there's no one to catch me. I can't do this any longer.

what's wrong specifically atm? what set this off so badly?

I need help. I need someone there. No one is. I tried the samaritans but just ended up crying and not being able to talk. I can't cope. I'm falling to pieces. I've been staying away from posting on here because I can't support people at the moment so therefore shouldn't post because I'd just be a burden and it wouldn't be fair to get support if I'm not giving it. I'm sorry for being selfish and posting now but I really don't know what else to do. I can't cope anymore. I'm falling and there's no one to catch me. I can't do this any longer.

You have no obligation to support us whatsoever. That is not how the society works. You can talk to us, but that doesn't mean you have to console everyone you want to help. Knowing that you care about us is more than enough and I don't expect anything from you. Many a time I have not felt able to help anyone in the dep soc.

You are not a burden and you never will be. Remember that. Stop apologising as you have nothing to be sorry about. You are not being selfish. Telling us how you feel is not selfishness, it's good.

We may not be able to make everything OK but we are here.

My friend 'died' nearly 4 months ago but I'm not coping with it at all. I say 'died' because I think they're all lying to me and she's just hiding somewhere. She can't be dead. I want her back and miss her so much. I'm struggling with uni work too and depression in general. Just a pathetic neurotic mess really.