Depression Society MkII Watch

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jonathan122
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#381
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#381
(Original post by becki08)
I hate me

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You know I almost want to fail my exams so that I have an excuse to kill myself
I'm so sorry that you feel like this Becki, but whatever you may feel at the moment, you have so much to live for. Remember how happy you were feeling yesterday? Cling on to memories like that. I can't begin to imagine how awful things must be for you at the moment, but there ARE better times ahead, and a grade on an exam paper has so little bearing on that. Please hang on in there.
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Sabertooth
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#382
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#382
(Original post by becki08)
I hate me

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You know I almost want to fail my exams so that I have an excuse to kill myself
Becki you're a wonderful person, I know how hard it can be to see the good points in yourself when you're upset but trust me, you're really lovely :hugs:

Exams at the end of the day, even if you do fail, mean hardly anything, you can still go to uni, still get a degree etc even if you did happen to somehow mess up. They're not worth killing yourself over there are so many different roads to take they're just one. Please take care.
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bansheeee*
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#383
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#383
(Original post by Sabertooth)
:hugs: becki



They're not thoughts, they are completely real to me, I have 2 people one of whom tells me to hurt myself/sometimes others, and 1 who eggs the other one on and discusses my actions with him. It's not like a need to hurt myself as OCD is a need to do something, I do it because it shuts them up for a while and let's me think for myself rather than being told over and over to kill myself. Ie. I don't have to do what they say, it's just a hell of a lot easier than trying to put up with the shouting and comments.

Is that clearer?
Yeah thanks.

:willy: x
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starchild
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#384
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#384
i feel so very low and my glasses are straining my eyes and they are all sore and i have a headache, thats just poo
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starchild
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#385
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#385
Oh and Becki you are amazing :hugs: ;heart;
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becki08
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#386
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#386
I try so hard to tell myself that but I still can't seem to accept it. I haven't told my counsellor that's how I'm feeling at the moment but she does know that if I don't get into my uni then I'm planning on..well..you know. That's partly why Monday's session was so hard because we were talking about it.

I haven't stopped eating all evening and now feel very yuck and sick. Was quite tempted to go and purge when I was out the house earlier but I don't want to go down that road. I guess I'm just hating myself a lot this evening. Sorry guys.
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xemilyx
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#387
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#387
(Original post by becki08)
I try so hard to tell myself that but I still can't seem to accept it. I haven't told my counsellor that's how I'm feeling at the moment but she does know that if I don't get into my uni then I'm planning on..well..you know. That's partly why Monday's session was so hard because we were talking about it.

I haven't stopped eating all evening and now feel very yuck and sick. Was quite tempted to go and purge when I was out the house earlier but I don't want to go down that road. I guess I'm just hating myself a lot this evening. Sorry guys.
Just want you to know that you're not alone :hugs: what uni are you hoping to get into hun and what course?
I'm sure you will get in, everyone becomes convinced that they won't get into uni but you will honestly. Who's your insurance uni?
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fairy spangles
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#388
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#388
(Original post by becki08)
I try so hard to tell myself that but I still can't seem to accept it. I haven't told my counsellor that's how I'm feeling at the moment but she does know that if I don't get into my uni then I'm planning on..well..you know. That's partly why Monday's session was so hard because we were talking about it.

I haven't stopped eating all evening and now feel very yuck and sick. Was quite tempted to go and purge when I was out the house earlier but I don't want to go down that road. I guess I'm just hating myself a lot this evening. Sorry guys.

Hi becki - please dont try and fail your exams - im exactly the same at the minute i dont know what to do if i dont pass my resits then i know what i will have to do.
Please dont hate yourself :hugs:
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becki08
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#389
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#389
Thanks emily :hugs: I've PM'ed you because I don't want to say which uni on here in case people guess who I am. I know I'm being paranoid but I feel safer this way.
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becki08
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#390
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#390
Thanks fairy spangles :hugs: Please don't you do anything either :hugs:


I don't understand why people don't hate me. I'm a bad person. They all say so. I'm confused.
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Sabertooth
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#391
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#391
(Original post by becki08)
Thanks fairy spangles :hugs: Please don't you do anything either :hugs:


I don't understand why people don't hate me. I'm a bad person. They all say so. I'm confused.
You're not a bad person you're a lovely person, you've helped me out loads and other people here too. You care a lot about your RL friends too (you mentioned them before). You're a good friend and a lovely person. :hugs:
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xemilyx
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#392
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#392
Becki, you're amazing sweetheart. You're such a kind loving person and help so many people. Try not to listen to people telling you you're anything other than good.
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becki08
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#393
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#393
I'm not, I'm really not. I've hurt so many people. I've messed my family up so much. My sister always said I was bad and I couldn't understand why at the time but I do now. She's the only one who knows how I really am. She knows I'm bad. And the voices do too but they're not here at the moment. But they used to tell me all the time. They were always right too. And the nurses at the hospital, they realised I was bad in the end too, they were fed up of me and couldn't wait to get rid of me. I don't understand why they kept stopping me from doing stuff because it was obvious they hated me. I'm a bad bad bad bad person.
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Sabertooth
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#394
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#394
Why do you think you're bad?

You are a lovely person. Sisters always think bad of their siblings and I'm sure the nurses in hospital didn't think that. :hugs: As for voices, like you always tell me, they're talking rubbish don't listen to them.
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becki08
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#395
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#395
I just am
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Sabertooth
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#396
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#396
(Original post by becki08)
I just am
:hugs: there must be a reason you think that? People here think you're wonderful.
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xemilyx
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#397
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#397
Becki you're not a bad person sweetheart. I'm sure the nurses didn't think that. As for you sister she's just being a sister and being mean. Me and my sister say things we don't mean all the time. You're not bad. The voices are playing on your insecurities and talking rubbish. You're an amazing person!
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jonathan122
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#398
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#398
(Original post by becki08)
I try so hard to tell myself that but I still can't seem to accept it. I haven't told my counsellor that's how I'm feeling at the moment but she does know that if I don't get into my uni then I'm planning on..well..you know. That's partly why Monday's session was so hard because we were talking about it.

I haven't stopped eating all evening and now feel very yuck and sick. Was quite tempted to go and purge when I was out the house earlier but I don't want to go down that road. I guess I'm just hating myself a lot this evening. Sorry guys.
Becki, don't put so much emphasis on this year. I know the "natural" thing to do is go straight from A-levels to uni, but plenty of people take some time out to reconsider things. Education isn't the be-all and end-all. In the unlikely event that exams don't go to plan, then at least you've got time to figure out your options, and have a bit of a break before uni. Having said that, I think you might be surprised at how well you do.
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jonathan122
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#399
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#399
(Original post by starchild)
i feel so very low and my glasses are straining my eyes and they are all sore and i have a headache, thats just poo
:hugs:, :hugs: and super:hugs:
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jonathan122
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#400
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#400
(Original post by bansheeee*)
Being honest I was trying to work out the difference between voices people with schitzoprenia experience and thoughts people with cleaning-OCD experience which make them clean excessively ,which they find hard to ignore also ?
Was just wondering (worrying actually!)
:willy: x
Bansheee,

Please correct me if I'm way out of line here, but I've always understood that with OCD it was a mental compulsion to do certain acts (like cleaning), whereas with audio hallucinations associated with psychosis and schizophrenia, you are actually hearing the voices ( even though there is no physical source for them).

As I said, anyone feel free to let me know if I've got the wrong end of the stick.
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