Depression Society MkII

the agonising loneliness continues. i haven't even spoken to anyone yet today.

I'm sat right now in the messiest bedroom you've ever seen. I'm wondering if I'm going to have the strength to not go and buy alcohol or drink what's in the flat tonight. I know I need to tidy up and cook myself some tea but I can't quite manage it.
I went to my SIA training today and did my first of two tests. The shortest time the exam paper has been completed in before was 11 minutes and I did it in 6 minutes. Meh.
Everyone's gone home, my housemate and I fell out before she left and I feel very lonely and sad we aren't speaking.

Kiss_me_now - sorry to hear you're not having a good time at Kent either have you made any friends there? what flats are you in? i can put you in touch with some people if you want?

Friends? Aren't they things that other people have? Problem is after the excitement of moving here and after Freshers etc. I got so low down that I just wasn't communicating with anyone - My flatmates even thought I'd gone home for a week a while ago So any chances of friendships have well and truly gone. And because I haven't got anyone to talk to or just be friends with, I get even more depressed and the whole thing starts again. I've got acquaintances; people I see on a night out or on campus and say hi to, but no-one I'd call a real friend. There are a few girls in my German class who are nice and friendly and I talk to a lot, but it's still very much at the beginning of a relationship. I'm meant to be moving in with two of them next year (we're in the process of trying to find a house) but I feel so unenthusiastic about it at the minute I just can't be bothered to try and get to know them better, which isn't good because eventually they'll just say alright then, stuff you missy! I miss having my old familiar friends around, who I didn't have to make an effort with or watch what I was saying to (I am an incredible blunt, tactless person sometimes; I just say what I'm thinking and I don't think before I speak a lot of the time). People who know me. I still talk to them and tbh the majority of the MSN/Facebook messages I get are from them, because I just don't have the will power to get to know anyone here properly, I guess.

Did you use the counselling service? The idea of only having five sessions or whatever and that's it kinda puts me off...

I know exactly how you feel. None of them really feel like friends. I found uni to be the lonliest experience ever. It made me really appreciate my friends back home. I'd never been somewhere where I didn't know anyone and it was so scary. Everyone seems to get into groups really really quickly at uni and I always felt like the outcast as I wasn't in any group really. I often wonder if people were only friends with the people they were friends with for logistical reasons. I mean, everyone around me in Purchas Court seemed to get on really really well and I know for a fact that some of those "friendships" weren't actually friendships at all because people were always bitching to me about others behind their backs!

No, I never used the counselling service. I had a very bad experience with admin staff in Fresher's Week (I was the only girl in my house and they were so rude to me about it and made me cry. I moved in the end but that was dealt with by me finding someone to swap with, not by accommodation moving me) After that I was far too scared to speak to any admin type of person. I needed to a see a doctor but I refused to go because I was so scared they'd be like the accommodation people. However, 5 sessions might be better than nothing. Actually...thinking about it...I know someone at Kent who went to the dr there and they referred her elsewhere and she's been seeing someone in Canterbury since the 1st week of term. Maybe it's worth a trip to the doctors instead?

Friends? Aren't they things that other people have? Problem is after the excitement of moving here and after Freshers etc. I got so low down that I just wasn't communicating with anyone - My flatmates even thought I'd gone home for a week a while ago So any chances of friendships have well and truly gone. And because I haven't got anyone to talk to or just be friends with, I get even more depressed and the whole thing starts again. I've got acquaintances; people I see on a night out or on campus and say hi to, but no-one I'd call a real friend. There are a few girls in my German class who are nice and friendly and I talk to a lot, but it's still very much at the beginning of a relationship. I'm meant to be moving in with two of them next year (we're in the process of trying to find a house) but I feel so unenthusiastic about it at the minute I just can't be bothered to try and get to know them better, which isn't good because eventually they'll just say alright then, stuff you missy! I miss having my old familiar friends around, who I didn't have to make an effort with or watch what I was saying to (I am an incredible blunt, tactless person sometimes; I just say what I'm thinking and I don't think before I speak a lot of the time). People who know me. I still talk to them and tbh the majority of the MSN/Facebook messages I get are from them, because I just don't have the will power to get to know anyone here properly, I guess.

Did you use the counselling service? The idea of only having five sessions or whatever and that's it kinda puts me off...

lots of us seem to live really near each other, maybe we should have a depsoc meet up...only something that sounds more exciting

Mmm, I kinda see your point. Thinking of my flatmates here, A+ B get on really well were on the same course at the beginning of the year so they spent pretty much all day together (they've got similar personalities as well) and their other friend was what I'd call a true friend - A (girl) met C (also girl) at a party on the first night and immediatly started talking, you know? And the B (guy) fancies C so, there we go But the rest of them - Just through courses and accomodation. I've not met anyone who I care about enough to want to make an effort with.

Don't get me started on the staff around here - Some are ok, some leave you wondering what the hell they're doing in a job that deals with people! The woman over at Parkwood reception especially; she is so rude and nasty. I heard her tell someone over the phone that she 'can't do anything about the lack of heating, put a jumper on because England isn't that cold' I don't even know if I'd go... Chances are I'd book an appointment and clam up when I got in there. My problems just seem so... trivial.

I do a few societies already, first aid which is not very social because it's basically a lecture, equestrian which is more social but still lacks in the actual get togethers (plus they're nice people, but it's horribley obvious that I don't fit in, they've all got horses back home and I ride once a week) and I've just started Salsa, which is a lot more social but again, I've only just started so I don't really know anyone and they've all been doing it for weeks so they all know each other.

Y'know, since I've been here, apart from my parents on the phone, no-one's asked me how I was... Not properly. Not in a way that implies they actually care.

lots of us seem to live really near each other, maybe we should have a depsoc meet up...only something that sounds more exciting

Flat scenario seems interesting. I know a couple of people in the flats and they hate it. But I think I'd prefer flats to the houses.

Omg, I was going to go to first aid but i lost my courage and ended up not going to any societies in the end. Wish I had though. And I wish I'd gone to Salsa too. Sounds like we have similar interests

I don't really know what else to say to be honest, except that January brings a new start and a chance for you to get to know people. You can ask them about their holiday and stuff so easy conversation starter. And again, if you want to meet anyone I know from Parkwood, just say. I know a couple of lovely people who I'm sure wouldn't judge you.