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Son with glandular fever

My son is in his 4th year of an integrated masters degree, and has gone down with glandular fever which has impacted his liver so he also has hepatitis and has tonsillitis on top.

He is on for a 1st, and is close to being offered a PhD place in Germany doing the exact project he wants to do.

He is completely wiped out - can't even get out of bed, and I know that the effects of glandular fever can last for months.

He is at Durham, so is seeing the student welfare people in college today, (thankfully he is living in so can probably drag himself to their office)

My feeling is that he should suspend his degree for this year and go back next October. I think it is unlikely he will be able to do any studying this term, and I think he will still be too tired next term to catch up with th9is term and complete next terms studying (half of this year is a research project and half taught courses) He could end up with a lower class degree which would mean he wouldn't be able to do a PhD or the other graduate schemes he has been looking at.

However, I don't think he will want to do this - his friends and girlfriend will all still be in Durham, fan will all leave in the summer, and we live south of London so they won't be able to see each other very much.

Also, I don't know what happens with money - I suspect he has signed a contract with college for the whole year and that will use up all the money he has for uni, and he won't be able to afford to go back. We saved since he was little and gave him a lump sum at the beginning of the course which would last 4 years, but not 5

Has anyone else been in this position, and can give some ideas or advice?

Reply 1

2childmum!

Sorry - this was meant to go in the parents' room section - can it be moved please?

Reply 2

dirtmother

How long has he been unwell? It strikes me that it is far too soon to be making decisions (and it is not quite clear exactly how poorly he is - has he been in hospital? Was he visited by a GP in college? (Presumably he has seen someone for these diagnoses) 'Can't get out of bed' - what is happening about food and toilet needs? (One trusts the girlfriend and friends are making themselves useful) But he can get himself to student welfare even if he is wiped out afterwards?It certainly isn't too soon though to be letting the university know he is unwell though. Students don't always appreciate you need to tell people!Glandular fever is tremendously variable and can be relatively short and sharp even if it has lingering after effectsSpeaking from the perspective of someone who was unwell in a similar way during her university years, I am very glad that I limped on through although I did have to postpone my final exams (bizarrely because my degree was in the Faculty of Medicine under the regulations at the time I was able to sit them in August... a bit of a hairy time waiting for the results with bags packed for my postgrad destination.Obviously I didn't get a graduation ceremony at the same time as my course peers, but that was the least of my worries, in fact I didn't really think about it at the time at all) It really is a tough call but the thing with taking the rest of the year off can be that it treats the illness as something that is going to be done and dusted and the student is expected to be fully recovered when they return. Some of the effects may linger longer and being without social supports and, you imply, with serious financial problems could be too much of a challenge, so another approach is to implement coping strategies now, minimising avoidable uses of energy. It may be that there's really no choice but right now making big decisions is not going to help him get well, which is the most important thing of all.

Reply 3

2childmum!

thanks for your reply. DS is now able to make it down to the dining room in college and is eating a little, and the tonsillitis seems to be on the way out. The college phoned his department and they have said he can delay exams and the deadline for his research work until later in the summer if need be, so really it is a waiting game now to see how he recovers. He is still yellow from the effect on his liver, but he thinks that is fading a little too. Hopefully he will recover fairly quickly from this initial illness and then he will have to see how much energy he has to catch up and keep up with work