The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Original post by such_a_lady

So what is your home country? :smile:

Original post by jeh_jeh

I'm guessing if it's so far from the US it's probably either Australia/New Zealand or the Far East (yes, I know, not a country, but I can't really be much more specific!).

you were close, such_a_lady.
Malaysia is Indonesia's neighbor, but I am ethnic Chinese.

Reply 7442

Original post by strawberry

you were close, such_a_lady.
Malaysia is Indonesia's neighbor, but I am ethnic Chinese.

So. Will you tell us how you met etc? :biggrin:

Reply 7443

Original post by such_a_lady

So. Will you tell us how you met etc? :biggrin:

haha to be honest, it's kinda boring.

My university has a campus network that integrates a chat program, so you could say I met him online. But we only really met in person because his friend (who is going to be his best man at the wedding) wanted to meet me but didn't want to meet me alone. So the friend brought him, and the rest is history.

I always tell people that the moral of our love story is: don't bring your friends along to meet girls :p:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7444

Original post by strawberry

haha to be honest, it's kinda boring.

My university has a campus network that integrates a chat program, so you could say I met him online. But we only really met in person because his friend (who is going to be his best man at the wedding) wanted to meet me but didn't want to meet me alone. So the friend brought him, and the rest is history.

I always tell people that the moral of our love story is: don't bring your friends along to meet girls :p:

That's brilliant :biggrin:

I wish more people on here put their stories online :biggrin:

Reply 7445

Original post by such_a_lady

That's brilliant :biggrin:

I wish more people on here put their stories online :biggrin:

I should probably mention that he proposed to me on the spot we first set eyes on each other ... which was the spot he was standing on waiting with his friend for me to come down to meet them. Yeah, I nearly cried.

Reply 7446

Original post by strawberry

I should probably mention that he proposed to me on the spot we first set eyes on each other ... which was the spot he was standing on waiting with his friend for me to come down to meet them. Yeah, I nearly cried.

Really!?

Reply 7447

Original post by such_a_lady

Really!?

Yes really hahaha! Nearly.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7448

Jellybean91

12

Original post by strawberry

I should probably mention that he proposed to me on the spot we first set eyes on each other ... which was the spot he was standing on waiting with his friend for me to come down to meet them. Yeah, I nearly cried.

This makes me want to cry a little! Thats so sweet!! (sorry totally jumping in the convo :tongue:

)

Reply 7449

Cicerao

14

Original post by strawberry

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Original post by Goody2Shoes-x

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Original post by ktlaurenroe

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Original post by Jellybean91

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Original post by jeh_jeh

x

Distance is distance? Yes, okay. Illness is illness, but you won't find people whining about a mild cold in front of a cancer sufferer. It's called not even being in the same league.

It's not to be "competitive." That would be some sort of sick competition - why would anyone want to be further away? But I refuse to believe that 20 minutes away by bus is "just as bad" as being across the world from someone. Oh you saw each other a week? :frown:

Forgive me for not being sympathetic but it's a damn sight more than most people who probably see each other once a year. If you're 20 minutes away you need NOT EVEN A FULL DAY FREE and possibly about £10 to get there. My heart bleeds.

I don't mind being supportive of it in an isolated context - people being sad of the distance. It's the comparison that ****s me off. Having trouble 23492480234 miles away? Just ~have faith~, look at me as your glowing example, I made it work from 20 minutes away! <3 Get out.

I suspect several people feel the same, not that it would get voiced much on here where going to a different university counts as a life-shattering separation. I'm going to take the advice of leaving, though. No point busting a vein over this ****.

Reply 7450

Original post by Jellybean91

This makes me want to cry a little! Thats so sweet!! (sorry totally jumping in the convo :tongue:

)

no apology necessary :smile:

Original post by Cicerao

Distance is distance? Yes, okay. Illness is illness, but you won't find people whining about a mild cold in front of a cancer sufferer. It's called not even being in the same league.

It's not to be "competitive." That would be some sort of sick competition - why would anyone want to be further away? But I refuse to believe that 20 minutes away by bus is "just as bad" as being across the world from someone. Oh you saw each other a week? :frown:

Forgive me for not being sympathetic but it's a damn sight more than most people who probably see each other once a year. If you're 20 minutes away you need NOT EVEN A FULL DAY FREE and possibly about £10 to get there. My heart bleeds.

I don't mind being supportive of it in an isolated context - people being sad of the distance. It's the comparison that ****s me off. Having trouble 23492480234 miles away? Just ~have faith~, look at me as your glowing example, I made it work from 20 minutes away! <3 Get out.

I suspect several people feel the same, not that it would get voiced much on here where going to a different university counts as a life-shattering separation. I'm going to take the advice of leaving, though. No point busting a vein over this ****.

If it's not a competition, then why does how far the people are apart matter so much?
Anyway, you apparently didn't notice that nobody said anything about 20 minutes. We talked about at least an hour :smile:

I would actually be on your side if someone whined about 20 minutes, because that really is a "spur of the moment" I-can-see-him-right-now deal. An hour, however, is not, and I was not "20 minutes" away from him. Actually, for only being an hour's drive apart, I didn't see him for two months once because we both had things going on. Guess you don't realize how frustrating that is either, as someone already pointed out that sometimes, the closer you are, the more frustrating it is.

But since you appear to have selective reading skills, I see no point in pursuing this further.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7451

caseyhayes

6

Original post by HeatherM

It's so horrible :frown:

Just keep counting :smile:

I'm looking at either a very slim chance of 25 days.
If not then, i'm looking at 76 days. :L :frown:

What a shame :frown:

Will you get long together? That must be really dissapointing. Is there no way you can have a little interim visit?
Hang in there..

Reply 7452

ktlaurenroe

Original post by Cicerao

Distance is distance? Yes, okay. Illness is illness, but you won't find people whining about a mild cold in front of a cancer sufferer. It's called not even being in the same league.

It's not to be "competitive." That would be some sort of sick competition - why would anyone want to be further away? But I refuse to believe that 20 minutes away by bus is "just as bad" as being across the world from someone. Oh you saw each other a week? :frown:

Forgive me for not being sympathetic but it's a damn sight more than most people who probably see each other once a year. If you're 20 minutes away you need NOT EVEN A FULL DAY FREE and possibly about £10 to get there. My heart bleeds.

I don't mind being supportive of it in an isolated context - people being sad of the distance. It's the comparison that ****s me off. Having trouble 23492480234 miles away? Just ~have faith~, look at me as your glowing example, I made it work from 20 minutes away! <3 Get out.

I suspect several people feel the same, not that it would get voiced much on here where going to a different university counts as a life-shattering separation. I'm going to take the advice of leaving, though. No point busting a vein over this ****.

Where has anybody here said that being 20 minute bus ride away is just as bad as being across the world? Actually, where has anybody even said they're a 20 minute bus ride away from their partner? Since those two statements are the basis of why we're all being soooo insensitive, then it might make sense for you to let us know where you've got them from. As far as I'm aware, nobody here has said they think a smaller distance is just as bad as a larger one, and nobody has said they're 20 minutes away - so I don't see why you've felt the need to make up statistics and act as if we're all being insensitive to the 'real sufferers', just for having a little moan about missing our partners. I personally have said several times on this and other LDR threads that I know mine isn't nearly as bad as others (2-3 hours depending on trains/buses and £25), because I'd hate to offend someone and make them think I thought I had it as bad as them.

Oh, and "I don't mind being supportive of it in an isolated context - people being sad of the distance", that's exactly what this thread is in case you hadn't bothered reading it, supporting everyone who comes in here being sad because they can't be with their partner. Nobody comes here to compare themselves to others and say they think their distance is harder than someone else, so you're essentially pulling a problem out of nowhere.

As well as all that it's kind of ridiculous for you assume that just because it isn't a billion miles, it isn't difficult.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 7453

Jellybean91

12

Original post by Cicerao

Distance is distance? Yes, okay. Illness is illness, but you won't find people whining about a mild cold in front of a cancer sufferer. It's called not even being in the same league.

It's not to be "competitive." That would be some sort of sick competition - why would anyone want to be further away? But I refuse to believe that 20 minutes away by bus is "just as bad" as being across the world from someone. Oh you saw each other a week? :frown:

Forgive me for not being sympathetic but it's a damn sight more than most people who probably see each other once a year. If you're 20 minutes away you need NOT EVEN A FULL DAY FREE and possibly about £10 to get there. My heart bleeds.

I don't mind being supportive of it in an isolated context - people being sad of the distance. It's the comparison that ****s me off. Having trouble 23492480234 miles away? Just ~have faith~, look at me as your glowing example, I made it work from 20 minutes away! <3 Get out.

I suspect several people feel the same, not that it would get voiced much on here where going to a different university counts as a life-shattering separation. I'm going to take the advice of leaving, though. No point busting a vein over this ****.

First of all, no one here is 20 mins away because thats the kind of distance where you can pop round whenever you like. Just because it doesn't take someone a full day to get to their partner, you cant resent them, it still takes a substantial amount of time, and 4 hours, as strawberry had in her case, IS a substantial amount of time. I agree with strawberry when she says if its not a competition then why does it matter so much? Yes no one would WANT to be further away but you seem to be using it in that kind of school playground way of 'my relationships further than yours so nerr'. And I can't say I know anyone else on here who resents people with shorter distances in the same way you seem to! We're all here to support each other! Yes, I wish i could have some of the distances that people have on here because a 3 hour plane journey sucks ass! BUT i'd never have a go at someone because they're doing a lesser distance than me because you never know the full story, and I love my boy so much id rather be a 24 hour plane journey away than not be with him and thats the point of LDR! we need to support each other not attack each other because we're all in the same boat, and LDR is hard enough without us starting this kind of attack on each other. No one actually advised you leave, because like i said, we all still need to support each other, but if you don't feel you can be part of this community anymore then thats your call.

Reply 7454

Anonymous #423

Been 4 weeks so far, looking like another 4 till i'll see him. Really missing him atm especially because its my birthday next week and I can't see him :frown:

Reply 7455

kitkat8

2

Hi all,

My first post in here! I'm hopefully going to vet school this year (reapplicant so fingers crossed!!) and if so will be in a LDR with my boyfriend. We ended up have a lengthy and tearful discussion about it the other night which hasn't left either of us feeling positive. I'm just looking for a fresh perspective and maybe some things I can say to help him (both of us) feel happier about it?

He knows becoming a vet is ultimately more important to me than him, which I can't apologise for or say isn't true but I don't want him to feel down about it. He's worried because the course is 5 years, I'll be busy and he's at uni in our hometown too so visiting will be difficult.

I've said that we can't know what it's like until it happens so to some extent talking about it won't resolve anything but also we can't not talk about it, I just don't want him to give up until we've tried.

Another kettle of fish is that he's always wanted to have kids in his early twenties, which obviously won't happen with me if I go to vet school as even after the 5 years I will need to find a job and there is a lot more to learn, but I've said he'll have to decide if he can wait for me or not. There's not a lot more I can say?

Sorry for the ramble, any advice much appreciated x

Reply 7456