please someone help me..

you know that feeling when you feel so numb but feel so much at the same time? IDK maybe its just me but thats how Ive been feeling recently. when things go wrong I don't cry, Im not upset, I just dont feel anything. So much happens and I dont feel anything and in my head im thinking WHY? Why cant I feel anything? Then one day I'll just be sitting in bed, zoning out and everything thats happened recently hits me like a truck and I start crying and I can't breath and I FEEL EVERYTHING and I wish I was numb again. This has happened alot recently where I just have a breakdown when my mind processes everything thats happened to me.
My dad is getting alot weaker and Im worried about his health. He was the type of man that NEVER even got a cold and now his immune system is so weak and we can physically see how worn down he is. It hurts me so much to see him like this. He used to fix everything himself and do so many different things at the same time and did NOT rest.
My familys struggling so much financially and when Im at home all I hear is money this money that. I hear my mum talking about how we can't afford things and its just constant negativity.
Im also very alone. Ive lost all of my friends since I've gotten into this relationship.
And my relationship..Its too much to handle and I feel suffocated. I do so much for him to keep him happy I even sacrificed my friendship with my bestfriend for him and yet he always finds something in me that he picks at. I feel like Im constantly doing something wrong and Im not enough for this boy. He points out all of my flaws and mistakes while I ignore his because I know if i tell him hes done me wrong he will turn it around and tell me how much Ive hurt him.
I wish he'd realise when hes hurting me. Like when he wants me to please him and i say NO and keep repeatedly saying no and he PERSUADES (not gonna use the word force) me to give in. I wish he'd listen to me when i say no. Oh how i wish that was the case. He doesn't know how much I cry after it happens because I feel used and SCARED that he lets his horniness get to him so much that he ignores what I want.
I love him though. Hes my first love and I cant imagine losing him because he's all i have right now.
I don't want to go through this anything. Life is too much. I feel like im drowning and no one sees that. No ones here to help me because when Im with family I put this false smile on. I dont have friends. they left me alone to deal with all of this just because they don't like the relationship Im in. I have my bf but he brushes my feelings to the side and whenever I try to tell him what Im going through it always turns back to him and he loves telling me how much harder his life is as if its a competition. Its not. I just want him to tell me it'll all be okay instead of invalidating my feelins.

I wish this would all stop. Everything needs to stop.