Help! (Eating disorders and such)

I wasn’t sure where to talk about this but I decided to do it here. My boyfriend does not eat normally. He does not eat enough and he eats all the wrong things and I am worried about him. For example, he only eats 2 meals a day, normally some cereal (Frosties) and milk and then for dinner he’ll either have a pizza, burger, sausage roll or some pasta. He will sometimes snack on chocolate and crisps during the day too. He has little variety in his diet, only eats vegetables when my mum makes him when he comes to my house and is unwilling to try new foods at all. He also seems to have gag reflex when it comes to eating certain things, especially vegetables. When we used to go to school together, he often wouldn’t eat lunch.
I’m even more concerned for him in this lockdown because he’s not at college which means he’s eating even less as he doesn’t get the free college breakfast anymore and he’s not getting his weekly dose of vegetables when he comes to mine as we are social distancing. I’m worried for his health, he doesn’t look overly skinny but he looks underweight. Every time I approach him about it he gets defensive and says he’s only had 2 meals a day all his life. He cooks for himself but his whole family doesn’t eat particularly well either. When reading his old school reports, they also mentioned how he refused to try new foods.
I need some advice, how do I get through to him and make him see that he is neglecting his health? I’ve made lots of good suggestions to him but he always has excuses.

Beat gives some really good advice/ information:
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/arfid
They also have a hotline.
He doesn't necessarily have an eating disorder, but, it's important that if he does, he considers treatment.
Its also important that any possible physical health causes are ruled out.
Nag/ Persuade him to go to the GP and have a blood test. If the blood test comes back normal, he's eating habits aren't massively impacting on his health. Tell him if the bloods come back fine you will stop nagging him!

Thank you for the advice. But I still feel like even if his bloods are fine, he is not eating enough. A man his age should be having around 2500 calories a day and I’ve worked out he has around only 900-1000 a day which is not even half.

Trust me, if he is eating as badly as you say he is, they won't be.
I presumed that he was eating a normal calorie intake, it is really important to try and persuade him to get help.

I know, I’ve noticed it for a long time but he was improving before because we would go out and id make him try new things and my mum would cook him vegetables in different ways to see how he’d like them best. Unfortunately he doesn’t have an as lucky family life as me. His grandad just passed recently, his younger brother has cancer, his mum is quite stressed obviously and her taste in men is...interesting. I think a big thing that would help him is family eating time but obviously being in a kinda tense toxic atmosphere at dinner time which is where he struggles most will not be beneficial to him.

I’m not sure why but tonight I felt like I had to say something. I talked to him a lot and showed him the web page you sent me (it was super helpful thanks) and we agreed that both the first and third bullet points apply to him. He then finally acknowledged that maybe he has an eating disorder which is a huge step so thank you soo much! We agreed that we will together try and have a structure that we both follow whilst we are apart so I can support him so we are gonna try and wake up at similar times and eat at similar times. We also agreed that after this corona virus business is over that we will go together to the doctors and see if we can be referred to a health specialist.

Finally things have changed for the better, but I am still worried and in a pandemic like this it’s even more difficult.

It’s a good thing that he was accepted that maybe he does have an eating disorder. Whilst you guys are self isolating, and probably can’t go to a specialist yet, maybe start setting up little goals for him to improve his eating habits.[/quot

I am so glad to here that. Good luck. Don't expect to be plain sailing though.

I wasn’t sure where to talk about this but I decided to do it here. My boyfriend does not eat normally. He does not eat enough and he eats all the wrong things and I am worried about him. For example, he only eats 2 meals a day, normally some cereal (Frosties) and milk and then for dinner he’ll either have a pizza, burger, sausage roll or some pasta. He will sometimes snack on chocolate and crisps during the day too. He has little variety in his diet, only eats vegetables when my mum makes him when he comes to my house and is unwilling to try new foods at all. He also seems to have gag reflex when it comes to eating certain things, especially vegetables. When we used to go to school together, he often wouldn’t eat lunch.
I’m even more concerned for him in this lockdown because he’s not at college which means he’s eating even less as he doesn’t get the free college breakfast anymore and he’s not getting his weekly dose of vegetables when he comes to mine as we are social distancing. I’m worried for his health, he doesn’t look overly skinny but he looks underweight. Every time I approach him about it he gets defensive and says he’s only had 2 meals a day all his life. He cooks for himself but his whole family doesn’t eat particularly well either. When reading his old school reports, they also mentioned how he refused to try new foods.
I need some advice, how do I get through to him and make him see that he is neglecting his health? I’ve made lots of good suggestions to him but he always has excuses.

Finally things have changed for the better, but I am still worried and in a pandemic like this it’s even more difficult.

My boyfriend does not eat normally. He does not eat enough and he eats all the wrong things and I am worried about him.

For example, he only eats 2 meals a day, normally some cereal (Frosties) and milk and then for dinner he’ll either have a pizza, burger, sausage roll or some pasta. He will sometimes snack on chocolate and crisps during the day too.

He has little variety in his diet, only eats vegetables when my mum makes him when he comes to my house and is unwilling to try new foods at all.

I’m worried for his health, he doesn’t look overly skinny but he looks underweight.

Every time I approach him about it he gets defensive and says he’s only had 2 meals a day all his life. He cooks for himself but his whole family doesn’t eat particularly well either.

When reading his old school reports, they also mentioned how he refused to try new foods.

Sorry, but I think this is way off the mark, and you've actually just browbeaten him into 'admitting he's got an eating disorder'. I don't think he has for one minute, and you really do need to be careful about things like this. Specifically:



According to who? 95% of people in this country 'eat all the wrong things' - that doesn't mean they all have an eating disorder.



This sounds like the same diet that the overwhelming majority of young men have. Again - why is this indicative of an 'eating disorder'?




See above: this is perfectly normal.



Looks can be deceiving. Do you actually have evidence in the form of his weight, in kg?



This sounds closer to it - because he doesn't it like you do, or think he ought to eat, you think there's a medical problem here. This is wrong.




Again, this is perfectly normal - it's called neophobia.

I'm glad you've decided to seek professional help with this, and they will advise you both. However, from what you've read he doesn't sound like he has an eating disorder for one minute, and you sound a little overly-bothered in his eating where there is no real clinical or obvious need for it. Maybe this is something for you to reflect on.

Sorry, but I think this is way off the mark, and you've actually just browbeaten him into 'admitting he's got an eating disorder'. I don't think he has for one minute, and you really do need to be careful about things like this. Specifically:



According to who? 95% of people in this country 'eat all the wrong things' - that doesn't mean they all have an eating disorder.



This sounds like the same diet that the overwhelming majority of young men have. Again - why is this indicative of an 'eating disorder'?




See above: this is perfectly normal.



Looks can be deceiving. Do you actually have evidence in the form of his weight, in kg?



This sounds closer to it - because he doesn't it like you do, or think he ought to eat, you think there's a medical problem here. This is wrong.




Again, this is perfectly normal - it's called neophobia.

I'm glad you've decided to seek professional help with this, and they will advise you both. However, from what you've read he doesn't sound like he has an eating disorder for one minute, and you sound a little overly-bothered in his eating where there is no real clinical or obvious need for it. Maybe this is something for you to reflect on.

Also after thinking about it, I just want to add that his main issue is with texture and mixing temperatures of food. He does want to eat more vegetables and fruits but when he tries his gag reflex activates and it’s put him off from trying at all. It’s highly likely that it’s psychological, I’m not aware of any physical health issues that would result in this, especially since he can eat meat and bread perfectly fine.

I also want to mention that whether he is a healthy weight or not, whatever weight he is doesn’t mean that he does or does not have an eating disorder. Obviously certain weights can be indicators of such disorders. But for example you could still be anorexic and considered an okay weight for your height. Weight doesn’t define your psychological state.

When I say I think he maybe might have an earring disorder I am not referring to a main one such as anorexia, bullimia or binge eating. He does not have the symptoms for those. I am simply searching to see if anyone else has similar issues to him and I’ve found actually a lot of people who describe having the same issues he does and saying that they hate people who think they’re just picky eaters because it’s different from just being picky.

Sounds like he might have AFRID? https://www.eatingdisordersni.co.uk/Disorders/afrid
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/what-exactly-arfid

Sounds like he might have AFRID? https://www.eatingdisordersni.co.uk/Disorders/afrid
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/what-exactly-arfid

Thanks for your input. He might not have an eating disorder which is why we are going to seek medical help to see if all is ok.

However, we have been dating over a year now and spend a lot of time together. I see what he eats over the period of a few days when I sleep over at his and I eat the same as him and I even ask if there’s anymore food because he does not eat a lot. Like I said, I calculated the amount of calories he eats a day and it’s not half what he should have which already is concerning.

Last time he weighed himself was probably a few weeks before lockdown so in March and this was when he was eating at his best (I didn’t force him to weigh himself, I weighed myself because I’m trying to lose some weight and he decided he would see how much he weighed). He weighed around 8 stone 2 pound (not a clue what that is in kg) which was a massive improvement because last time I saw him weigh himself he was half a stone lighter. He is 5’7 and 18 years old. The NHS bmi calculator says that he is underweight (although I know they aren’t always accurate) even after his weight gain.

Like I said his main problem with food is texture and he aligns with everything written in the link that was sent with the first reply. He read it himself and agreed that he could relate. I didn’t force him to do it I just told him he should check it out.

I feel like he will suffer in the long term if he doesn’t give his body the vitamins and minerals it needs and continues to fuel it with a lot of salt and white carbs whilst being in a massive calorie deficit.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, it's good that you're seeing a professional about this. I'm just asking you to be careful with terms like 'eating disorder' particularly around him. With the best will in the world, you're not a health professional and 'eating disorder' is a very specific term - and one which can have serious consequences for those who are diagnosed with one. He doesn't sound like he's got one, and I think this is more of a qualitative judgement on his diet than a clinical diagnosis of something specific.

You're right that his BMI is low, and this is certainly something that needs to be investigated - but again, a low BMI is not evidence of an eating disorder. It could just be that he doesn't eat enough! This post, and the ones before it are not designed to criticise you, but to counsel you to be careful with terminology, particularly around people with some issues around food and weight. I have no doubt that you have his best interests at heart Please also be wary of anyone who attempts to 'diagnose' him on TSR: no-one is trained to do this.