How to turn on bf with no motivation

I’m going through a very low sex drive phase (have been for a couple months) especially cause of lockdown but it’s affecting my relationship and I think my bf is Secretly frustrated or bored. I need ideas of how to motivate myself to make an effort even just teasing or something bc if I’m not in the mood to do stuff I hate forcing myself to do it feels like I’m violating myself.

Any tips for changing perspective or is there a physical thing? I’ve been tired, depressed and having low self esteem. Not even bothering to shave. I just don’t care right now. but I know I should. He is upset that I am not caring these days.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

PS I know if it was the other way around I would also get frustrated

why not ask him?

OP

Original post by MalcolmX

why not ask him?

I don't want to admit that I'm struggling with this, a lack of confidence or sexual drive is not attractive. He might also think i'm less fertile or something

Already my hair is all falling out and I see him watching it

Reply 4

username5283910

15

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want to admit that I'm struggling with this, a lack of confidence or sexual drive is not attractive. He might also think i'm less fertile or something

Already my hair is all falling out and I see him watching it

People seem to thing that when they lie and not convincingly it's like you're not obvious to the other person and your gonna make more problems. Just tell him and say you'll think of way to surprise him. sex is not as important as honesty. Might be hormonal.

Reply 5

Catsarepurrfect

11

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want to admit that I'm struggling with this, a lack of confidence or sexual drive is not attractive. He might also think i'm less fertile or something

Already my hair is all falling out and I see him watching it

If you hair is falling out, go to the doctor! I am in a hair group on Facebook, and issue of falling hair has been discussed several times. I don't remember the details, but everywhere everyone said, go to the doc, it can be something more serious. I think somebody said even something about sex drive, so i could be worth checking it out! You can start by searching "my hair is falling out". It can hopefully shine some light on both of your problems in one go...

If you're not in the mood for it then do not force yourself. Sex shouldn't be a chore. Have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling rather than putting yourself through it just to please him. He'd likely be unhappy to know you're just having sex with him because you feel you have to, rather than actually wanting to engage in it.

I'd suggest you also speak to a doctor (you may be able to get a phone appointment) about how you are feeling. It sounds like this could be more complex than simply feeling a bit low.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by sinfonietta

If you're not in the mood for it then do not force yourself. Sex shouldn't be a chore. Have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling rather than putting yourself through it just to please him. He'd likely be unhappy to know you're just having sex with him because you feel you have to, rather than actually wanting to engage in it.

I'd suggest you also speak to a doctor (you may be able to get a phone appointment) about how you are feeling. It sounds like this could be more complex than simply feeling a bit low.

I've already been to the Dr, had blood tests done and some hormone levels checked, nothing particularly wrong..

Another thing is that I've had an abortion in the recent past and after that I've felt terrified of it happening again and avoid sex because it just makes me feel too negative and guilty, nothing good enough about it..

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Catsarepurrfect

If you hair is falling out, go to the doctor! I am in a hair group on Facebook, and issue of falling hair has been discussed several times. I don't remember the details, but everywhere everyone said, go to the doc, it can be something more serious. I think somebody said even something about sex drive, so i could be worth checking it out! You can start by searching "my hair is falling out". It can hopefully shine some light on both of your problems in one go...

Thanks! I've researched a lot over the last few years and tried every product out there, had vit supplements but it might be something that runs in my family :frown:

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I’m going through a very low sex drive phase (have been for a couple months) especially cause of lockdown but it’s affecting my relationship and I think my bf is Secretly frustrated or bored. I need ideas of how to motivate myself to make an effort even just teasing or something bc if I’m not in the mood to do stuff I hate forcing myself to do it feels like I’m violating myself.

Any tips for changing perspective or is there a physical thing? I’ve been tired, depressed and having low self esteem. Not even bothering to shave. I just don’t care right now. but I know I should. He is upset that I am not caring these days.

My honest response is to sort it out, be honest with him. Because if you aren't clear with him, it could lead to a more significant relationship failure whereby he cheats, simply in the act of seeking validation. I know this because my ex-girlfriend did the same; it made me feel unworthy and unattractive, which led to me cheating on her

Reply 10

HoldThisL

21

maybe its symptomatic of more general depression about lockdown and you need something to pick up your mood in order to feel better generally too. exercise/a hobby/finding a productive work groove?

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

ugh just get him to watch porn, that'll probably work, it always works for the boys i knew

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

ugh just get him to watch porn, that'll probably work, it always works for the boys i knew

How dare you generalise.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

ugh just get him to watch porn, that'll probably work, it always works for the boys i knew

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

ugh just get him to watch porn, that'll probably work, it always works for the boys i knew

Basically asking to be cheated on

Reply 15

username5133584

14

As @HoldThisL said, it’s probably something to do with lockdown, or could be numerous other things. A lot of people are struggling mentally at the moment. Lacking in sex drive is not your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty for it. Lots of people have varying degrees of sex drives, and these can fluctuate depending on a lot of things. Personally, while mine is pretty high my contraceptive can sometimes knock it off.
It might help both you and him to speak to him about it, he’s likely to be perfectly understanding of it. While I get you might be afraid of ‘putting him off’, generally guys aren’t some monsters that demand instant gratification of their needs. He’s likely to be understanding of your situation and it’s unfair to say all guys would immediately seek validation elsewhere in these situations or see you as unattractive now, so you don’t need to be afraid of speaking to him about it :smile:

(edited 3 years ago)

How to turn on bf with no motivation

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