Feel embarrassed by my boyfriend socially

I’ve been with him for a year, but when he meets my friends for the first time I find him cringe at the way he behaves. I think he does these things because he feels awkward but I’ll give some examples:
He will over react to things like if a cool car drives past he will be like ohh my god!! And my friend just looks at me like umm. It’s like he’s a child discovering the world around him.
He will make strange remarks like make a statement that isn’t relevant or start chanting a random football chant and I cringe in my seat.
He will ask “dumb” questions to my friends and overall just have kinda strange social cues.

I asked my friends who met him what they thought of him and they said he’s a “nice guy” and “decent lad” but for some reason I’m taking it negatively.

I know this is me just caring what others think but with his own friends and me he doesn’t act like this, it’s just people he doesn’t know that well so gives off a bit of an off putting vibe to people.

I don’t know how to express to him that he’s a bit OTT or “autistic acting” if you catch my drift, around people without sounding like a total ******** and I need a way to describe his behaviour to him around others as it makes me pull away and unattracted to him.

Reply 1

hotpud

18

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve been with him for a year, but when he meets my friends for the first time I find him cringe at the way he behaves. I think he does these things because he feels awkward but I’ll give some examples:
He will over react to things like if a cool car drives past he will be like ohh my god!! And my friend just looks at me like umm. It’s like he’s a child discovering the world around him.
He will make strange remarks like make a statement that isn’t relevant or start chanting a random football chant and I cringe in my seat.
He will ask “dumb” questions to my friends and overall just have kinda strange social cues.

I asked my friends who met him what they thought of him and they said he’s a “nice guy” and “decent lad” but for some reason I’m taking it negatively.

I know this is me just caring what others think but with his own friends and me he doesn’t act like this, it’s just people he doesn’t know that well so gives off a bit of an off putting vibe to people.

I don’t know how to express to him that he’s a bit OTT or “autistic acting” if you catch my drift, around people without sounding like a total ******** and I need a way to describe his behaviour to him around others as it makes me pull away and unattracted to him.

Why can't you just accept him for who he is, warts and all? He won't change and why should he?

(edited 8 months ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by hotpud

Why can't you just accept him for who he is, warts and all? He won't change and why should he?

I can accept him for who he is, but he just changes around my friends and I want him to be comfortable etc

Reply 3

Sorcerer's Storm

20

This thread smells familiar, you’ve made it before.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sorcerer of Old

This thread smells familiar, you’ve made it before.

Oh wow I literally have, clearly it’s an ongoing thing lol

Reply 5

vapordave

Debate & Current Affairs Helper

20

Original post by Anonymous

I can accept him for who he is, but he just changes around my friends and I want him to be comfortable etc

I quite honestly don't think this is your motivation

Reply 6

hotpud

18

Original post by Anonymous

I can accept him for who he is, but he just changes around my friends and I want him to be comfortable etc

Have you spoken to him about it?

Reply 7

CaitlinKnits09

2

Hi! I think you should maybe talk to your BF about how you are feeling, and then you can see his side of this, and he can understand how his behaviour can impact you! Although, from what I can tell, the way he is acting is just his personality, and it isn't fair to ask someone to make big adjustments to how they act! You also said he acts a bit differently with his own friends, it could be that he is nervous around your friends so he is acting a bit different!
I alsothink you might want to weigh up your priorities, do you care more about being with your BF or your friends maybe not seeing him as a good match? Maybe chat to your friends about it as well, they might not even see him as 'cringy' and you could be stressing over nothing :biggrin:

Finally, I just want to draw your attention to something you said at the end - "I don’t know how to express to him that he’s a bit OTT or “autistic acting” if you catch my drift," now I know this was probably wasn't said to offend, but as an autistic person myself, I do find this kind of thing quite upsetting. Every autistic person is different, therefore the way they act is completely different. For instance, I'm very high masking, so very few people I meet (so far only one person has ever guessed and I'd known them for years lol) actually can tell I have ASD. And autism isn't just about being 'socially awkward' autism is a very complex neurodevelopmental disorder which affects many people in so many different ways. From communication struggles, fine/gross motor difficulties and learning disabilities to executive functioning issues, sensory processing struggles and rigid ways of thinking, every autistic person has different strengths and weaknesses, so I'm sure you can understand when someone stereotypes every autistic as the same with phrases like "autistic acting" I get quite offended. Sorry I went on a bit of a ramble there, I just wanted you to understand why I found that statement quite offensive, and in future you can use more aware language! - Best wishes :smile:

Feel embarrassed by my boyfriend socially

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