The Student Room Group

Help me decide?

Okay so this is kinda a long story so I'm gonna try to make most sense of it, when i explain

Guy A - ex fwb
Guy B - classmate/used to flirt
Guy C - ex

Guy A and Guy B are best friends, been buds since they've known each other. I've been friends with Guy A longer than I've talked to Guy B, but I know them both for the same number of years.

Guy A and I got close, and we ended up being fwb but really close friends, and it was mutual that we didnt want to date when we first started fliritng, caz I just had a break up and he didnt want to get into a serious relationship. I fall in love/crush relatively easily but i didnt fall for guy A caz society wouldnt allow it. He's really good looking and popular, and hung out with popular kids. I'm good looking and popular but i didnt hang out with popular kids (and the girls in his gang hated me so....), so we couldnt hang out together in public a lot. We had one class, where it was just him, me and a couple of my friends where I could spend alone time with him, talking and what not.

Guy A ended up leaving school, and we kept in touch as just friends, as we grew out of the fwb idea. I ended up dating Guy C and he was very protective of me, and insecure about the guys i hung out with. Guy C and Guy A HATE each other. So, he ended up litterally and figuratively blocking Guy A out of my life.

Some point into our relationship Guy C and I had a rough time and broke up, and Guy A was too busy to talk, and I thought our friendship was over. Guy B, ended up talking with me, and told me how he always found me really attractive, and started flirting with me. I was going thro a rough time, and ended up flirting with him (but not like fwb, or as serious as Guy A). But that soon ended in bout 2 weeks, and Guy B ended up ruining my relationship with Guy C (after we got together again), so I dont talk with him now.

Guy A and I have been talking A LOT recently, and we've flrited a lil, and I feel a little guilty hiding what I had with Guy B from him, considering theyre friends still. But Guy A's never cared about my ex's and stuff, so IDK if he'd care about this, especially since I regret it soo much with Guy B. (Guy B knows about Guy A and me from before, but Guy A dont know about B currently).........So, Do I tell Guy A bout what i had with B from before?

sorry for ranting, just really worried ill end up loosing him, since Guy C breakup was recent, and Guy A and I have been much closer lately, and he's been showing signs of being committed long term. (joking around bout how pretty id look in a wedding dress, saying that we woulve ended up dating if he didnt leave, and how all m ex's are trash expect for him, and being much more caring emotionally compared to before)....
I say you to tell him, chances are guy B is either going to tell him or already has so I think guy A will appreciate the honesty.
I don’t think you should tell him unless he asks what you’ve been up to. Guy A is just a FWB, at the end of the day, so only just wanting sex is his position with you. Guy B just used his opportunity to talk to you while you were single, which is Okay. The feelings were mutual too.

I do think you’re indecisive. You keep just jumping from guy to guy. Chances are that when you get with guy A, you will still go back to guy B and then back to guy C. Your history demonstrably shows you’re capable of doing that, I don’t really think you want the commitment.
Guy B probably told guy A already if they're actually good friends and he's not a snake lol.
All of these guys are somewhat toxic and narcissistic
None genuinely like you and it's obvious you don't really like them either, because you can't even keep a friendship with them going because of their attitudes

Bin the three of them and broaden your horizons op
Reply 5
Original post by Chicken.M.
Guy B probably told guy A already if they're actually good friends and he's not a snake lol.

Guy B knows about me and Guy A, but when he'd flirt with me, he always told me not to tell Guy A or anyone else bout us. He made me promise and stuff, but then he broke that mutual promise by telling Guy C (and sending him manipulated screenshots which made it seem like it was just me flirting, which is why he broke up). Me and Guy B are pretty much on bad terms now, and we don't talk. It was just that one time thing.

When Guy B first started flirting with me (soon after Guy A left school and we stopped talking for a while), he was actually dating another girl and I didnt know about it. When the girl came and told me 2 weeks in, I felt really bad and apologized to her, and avoided him for a few months. After those months, when I was in a rough place I ended up talking with him again (he was single that time though).

Guy A and I never talk about Guy B and stuff, we just avoid talkin bout his popular friends gang, cause most of the girls hate me and they used to bully me for a while too.
Reply 6
Original post by WazzWazz98
All of these guys are somewhat toxic and narcissistic
None genuinely like you and it's obvious you don't really like them either, because you can't even keep a friendship with them going because of their attitudes

Bin the three of them and broaden your horizons op


Yea they all used to be somewhat toxic/narcissistic, but Guy A's been acting real different lately. We moved on from the fwb infactuation, and now I like talking with him, even though sometimes he gets busy and we dont talk for days. When he does talk though, he's been more open and suggestive of a proper relationship. I'm guessing its because he's not with his popular friends now (they keep contact but are all moving to different universities), and he feels free-er bout dating people they might not accept.

But, I think I'm just leaning on Guy A since Guy C left. He was everything to me, and I still love him a lot. We didnt talk for a month and a half after the breakup, but he replied yesterday. Guy C is my longest relationship, and we were really serious about each other. He was insecure about my ex's and me being friends with other guys, but he also looked after me, and cared for me like no one else.
Reply 7
Original post by CaptainDuckie
I don’t think you should tell him unless he asks what you’ve been up to. Guy A is just a FWB, at the end of the day, so only just wanting sex is his position with you. Guy B just used his opportunity to talk to you while you were single, which is Okay. The feelings were mutual too.

I do think you’re indecisive. You keep just jumping from guy to guy. Chances are that when you get with guy A, you will still go back to guy B and then back to guy C. Your history demonstrably shows you’re capable of doing that, I don’t really think you want the commitment.


Guy A and I ended up being really good friends as we'd always talk during that one class when it was just us, not being judged by his other popular friends. We ended up being really close, a senior of mine tried forcefully hitting on me and stuff once, and Guy A was the first person I told, he was very supportive, unlike my bf at that time, and made me feel much better about that incident. Guy A got to be more vulnerable around me, he didnt have to seem like a perfect person like he'd have to be around his other friends. The FWB thing wasnt extreme either, we never had s*x, just kissing and stuff.
I've never wanted to go back to Guy B, he just suddenly became supportive and understanding and listened when I was in a really bad place with Guy C. Guy A used to be my rebound (he knows that too), but I think its how he's changed, thats got me confused about where we stand.
Reply 8
Original post by bleeblahbleh
I say you to tell him, chances are guy B is either going to tell him or already has so I think guy A will appreciate the honesty.

I guess he would appreciate the honesty, but I dont want to loose what we have, because it might make things awkward between us. The main reason Guy C and I broke up (he left) was due to a very similar issue, where he trusted his best friends manipulated chats and rumours bout me, rather than trusting me (his first gf, his engaged gf, and his longest crush). It just makes me really scared, because I'm realising I dont have many true friends. They're all superficial or two-faced, and I dont want to loose another one...
Reply 9
About Guy C replying, nvm, he just unblocked me so that I would message him, which I did and then told me in caps, he doesnt care because we're done. I feel cheated on and betrayed, but point of this thread was to find out if i should tell Guy A about Guy B, keeping in mind I dont want him to leave me like C and pretty much most people in my life.
Original post by Anonymous
Guy A and I ended up being really good friends as we'd always talk during that one class when it was just us, not being judged by his other popular friends. We ended up being really close, a senior of mine tried forcefully hitting on me and stuff once, and Guy A was the first person I told, he was very supportive, unlike my bf at that time, and made me feel much better about that incident. Guy A got to be more vulnerable around me, he didnt have to seem like a perfect person like he'd have to be around his other friends. The FWB thing wasnt extreme either, we never had s*x, just kissing and stuff.
I've never wanted to go back to Guy B, he just suddenly became supportive and understanding and listened when I was in a really bad place with Guy C. Guy A used to be my rebound (he knows that too), but I think its how he's changed, thats got me confused about where we stand.




I think Guy A is still your rebound and you’re only going back to him because Guy C left you. I’d move on from all of them to be honest.
Original post by Anonymous
Yea they all used to be somewhat toxic/narcissistic, but Guy A's been acting real different lately. We moved on from the fwb infactuation, and now I like talking with him, even though sometimes he gets busy and we dont talk for days. When he does talk though, he's been more open and suggestive of a proper relationship. I'm guessing its because he's not with his popular friends now (they keep contact but are all moving to different universities), and he feels free-er bout dating people they might not accept.

But, I think I'm just leaning on Guy A since Guy C left. He was everything to me, and I still love him a lot. We didnt talk for a month and a half after the breakup, but he replied yesterday. Guy C is my longest relationship, and we were really serious about each other. He was insecure about my ex's and me being friends with other guys, but he also looked after me, and cared for me like no one else.

You've answered your own question there tbh - that he's only doing that because his usual crowd have forsaken him

It is desperation on his part as opposed to genuine affection
You deserve better!
I guess I do, its just hard. Being alone constantly, even if I'm surrounded by friends, they all seem superficial or two faced. I'm starting to think, that maybe thats the best I'm going to get, that my expectations are too high, being constantly let down
Whatt about guy D, E, F all the way through to Z then round the alphabet again AA, AB, AC etc?

As WazzWazz98 quite rightly and very wisely said there's a lot more guys than these 3 in the world.

Try to never settle for 2nd best. And also at the same time don't be perfectionist. Strike the right balance between selective enough and being too intolerant.
It helps a lot if you have an abundance of options. You've gotten 3 men interested in you so far. You'll be able to get more men interested in you in the future.
You will also find that there's a large difference in teenaged boys and men that have been through a few relationships. Teenaged boys tend to be poor boyfriends that just bring too much stress and drama into your life. Due to their lack of experience.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Whatt about guy D, E, F all the way through to Z then round the alphabet again AA, AB, AC etc?

As WazzWazz98 quite rightly and very wisely said there's a lot more guys than these 3 in the world.

Try to never settle for 2nd best. And also at the same time don't be perfectionist. Strike the right balance between selective enough and being too intolerant.
It helps a lot if you have an abundance of options. You've gotten 3 men interested in you so far. You'll be able to get more men interested in you in the future.
You will also find that there's a large difference in teenaged boys and men that have been through a few relationships. Teenaged boys tend to be poor boyfriends that just bring too much stress and drama into your life. Due to their lack of experience.

Guy C told me he's still talking to me now because I'm acting pathetic and he used to have something with me. It hurts. I know I dont want to date him again and I told him that, its just that sometimes I worry that all guys are like that, even the best ones find something wrong and then leave. You are right, i keep falling for boys and keep treating them for men. I've had more guys interested me and I've been picky before, I just want some one to lean on and listen to me, understand me, instead of having to be strong all the time.
Original post by Anonymous
Guy C told me he's still talking to me now because I'm acting pathetic and he used to have something with me. It hurts. I know I dont want to date him again and I told him that, its just that sometimes I worry that all guys are like that, even the best ones find something wrong and then leave. You are right, i keep falling for boys and keep treating them for men. I've had more guys interested me and I've been picky before, I just want some one to lean on and listen to me, understand me, instead of having to be strong all the time.

It sounds like you'd be happiest with a man that's a good leader.
Not an overly bossy man. But one with empathy towards his girlfriend and one that will take the lead when appropriate without hesitation and who will feel comfortable taking the lead.

You tend to find that men become more comfortable taking on leadership roles as they get older.

There are men like this about. And you do get at least as much variety in men as you do in women.
Maturity, integrity, empathy, wisdom, confidence. These are traits that some men have (enough of). And which are lacking in many men - including guys A, B and C from the sound of things.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending