Deeply unhappy

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I realised today that I am truly deeply unhappy.
I had an awful break up 331 days ago, so just shy of a year. I thought I was over it but lately it’s all I think about.
I got rejected from university two years in a row!
I’m doing exams this year and I’m so stressed out.
I feel emotionally distraught.
My family and friends are good to me but lately they’re getting fed up of my attitude. I don’t blame them because even I’m fed up.
I just can’t seem to move forward.
I doubt anyone can relate but does anyone have any advice for me, or am I hopeless?
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Muttly
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#2
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#2
You are not hopeless not by a long way but you are stuck in a rut. You are stuck in a style of thinking that will be your downfall.

Somehow we need to get you to evaluate and look at your life so far in a different light. If you don't you will be forever stuck in your own head in a world of pain.

You recognise you are unhappy that is the first step. If you have been like this for some time go and get some medical advice. If you can change the way you think to a new positive dialogue in your head you will feel so much more optimistic. Sometimes talking therapies can help here. If you need medication to help you through this moment in time take it. You need to end this continual misery.

Write a letter expressing all the emotions you feel and why and address it to the person with whom you broke up. When you have finished read it out aloud. That relationship wasn't meant to be so sever the ties and move on now you have reviewed it. If you have found someone you feel is so compatible, so wonderful, so lovely then you will find someone else who also fits the criteria. Chasing after someone who has basically said speak to the hand is a complete waste of time. You could have found someone equally as lovely by now? Why are you hanging on? Is it in the forlorn hope they might change their mind and then everything will be lovely once again? The reality pill might be a better pill to swallow? Visualise turning a page to end a chapter. You can never go back on this chapter so leave it alone and start turning the pages of a new chapter you are about to write.

If you got rejected from University two years running - maybe Uni isn't for you? Look at your grades, your personal statement. have someone read your personal statement and decide how negative is it or where it needs changing? Turn this on its head. You have saved yourself £30 to £50K of debt. Decide what other options you have not going to Uni and actively search them out? Even if you max out your cramming to survive exams and don't get into Uni you will still have tried to get the best marks for your subjects in the short time available.

If you are getting stressed or anxious on the approach to exams - every one does. It is how you cope that matters probably more than anything because you will need this coping mechanism in the workplace. If you have done your best you can't do anymore. Close your eyes, breath very deeply for a few minutes and just visualise yourself succeeding, anywhere you want to be that is good and a nice place to be. Take your time. Then open your eyes and just make a plan to look at which exams are first, second etc. Plan a timetable to learn just 5 key facts of the next up and coming exam. Something small but doable. That's it. Just do your best, nothing more. If it is meant to be it will all work out. If it doesn't have a time of reflection to chew over the good, the bad, the ugly. You will learn more about yourself by how you cope with this and any failure which you can then use to good effect.

Prioritise sleep, good food (not processed rubbish) and exercise. Empty your head of clutter and focus on one small thing you want to change or do.

Hope it all goes well where ever you end up
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tinyperson
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#3
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#3
Maybe look at professional counselling or therapy. You are trapped in a rut and need to break free. Find another boyfriend and also a part time career as a means of distraction as well. Good luck.
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Zarek
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#4
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#4
Yes, I’ve been there. A good young persons counsellor can really help, see if your college or GP can help you find one. I failed A levels twice, then found the help and resolve to move forward, passing and going to Uni
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Muttly)
You are not hopeless not by a long way but you are stuck in a rut. You are stuck in a style of thinking that will be your downfall.

Somehow we need to get you to evaluate and look at your life so far in a different light. If you don't you will be forever stuck in your own head in a world of pain.

You recognise you are unhappy that is the first step. If you have been like this for some time go and get some medical advice. If you can change the way you think to a new positive dialogue in your head you will feel so much more optimistic. Sometimes talking therapies can help here. If you need medication to help you through this moment in time take it. You need to end this continual misery.

Write a letter expressing all the emotions you feel and why and address it to the person with whom you broke up. When you have finished read it out aloud. That relationship wasn't meant to be so sever the ties and move on now you have reviewed it. If you have found someone you feel is so compatible, so wonderful, so lovely then you will find someone else who also fits the criteria. Chasing after someone who has basically said speak to the hand is a complete waste of time. You could have found someone equally as lovely by now? Why are you hanging on? Is it in the forlorn hope they might change their mind and then everything will be lovely once again? The reality pill might be a better pill to swallow? Visualise turning a page to end a chapter. You can never go back on this chapter so leave it alone and start turning the pages of a new chapter you are about to write.

If you got rejected from University two years running - maybe Uni isn't for you? Look at your grades, your personal statement. have someone read your personal statement and decide how negative is it or where it needs changing? Turn this on its head. You have saved yourself £30 to £50K of debt. Decide what other options you have not going to Uni and actively search them out? Even if you max out your cramming to survive exams and don't get into Uni you will still have tried to get the best marks for your subjects in the short time available.

If you are getting stressed or anxious on the approach to exams - every one does. It is how you cope that matters probably more than anything because you will need this coping mechanism in the workplace. If you have done your best you can't do anymore. Close your eyes, breath very deeply for a few minutes and just visualise yourself succeeding, anywhere you want to be that is good and a nice place to be. Take your time. Then open your eyes and just make a plan to look at which exams are first, second etc. Plan a timetable to learn just 5 key facts of the next up and coming exam. Something small but doable. That's it. Just do your best, nothing more. If it is meant to be it will all work out. If it doesn't have a time of reflection to chew over the good, the bad, the ugly. You will learn more about yourself by how you cope with this and any failure which you can then use to good effect.

Prioritise sleep, good food (not processed rubbish) and exercise. Empty your head of clutter and focus on one small thing you want to change or do.

Hope it all goes well where ever you end up
Thank you. I really mean it, you made me feel likes there’s still so much more out there.
I definitely need to get out this rut.
In terms of university, I can’t really give up, not yet. The job I want can only be obtained with a degree and it is a very competitive course to get on to. I made it to interview stage with all the universities I applied to but was rejected post interview; clearly I’m doing something wrong.

I’ll try to change my habits and hopefully start thinking with a different mindset.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by tinyperson)
Maybe look at professional counselling or therapy. You are trapped in a rut and need to break free. Find another boyfriend and also a part time career as a means of distraction as well. Good luck.
Thanks. I’m actually 20, so I have a full time job and I’m self teaching myself, so I’d say I have plenty of distractions, just zero focus. As for boyfriend, I literally cannot find anyone like him. We broke up on mutual terms and stopped talking only because it was too sad for both us, so it’s hard to move forward.
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Zarek)
Yes, I’ve been there. A good young persons counsellor can really help, see if your college or GP can help you find one. I failed A levels twice, then found the help and resolve to move forward, passing and going to Uni
It sounds silly, but I don’t know how to voice my concerns to the people around me. I’m in a messy situation, I didn’t do A-levels at 16 instead I did an apprenticeship, only to find that I do need A-levels. I’m struggling now, with no support from my online provider.
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Zarek
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
It sounds silly, but I don’t know how to voice my concerns to the people around me. I’m in a messy situation, I didn’t do A-levels at 16 instead I did an apprenticeship, only to find that I do need A-levels. I’m struggling now, with no support from my online provider.
I can understand why an online provider might leave you feeling isolated. It feels like you have a vision and the drive to get on. At this point in life you can have a few setbacks before finding the way. Try to find some sources of face to face support and advice, perhaps the local college or even the National Careers Service.
My own experience was that I spoke to the counsellor at the technical college where I was resitting my A levels. I think he was an ex science teacher who had changed vocation, he had lots of interesting posters outside his office that first made me think of speaking to him. He really helped me with a sense of perspective and to have some belief in myself and from this I found positive momentum. I haven’t achieved my initial dream of being a vet but have a very rewarding career. As to romance, my experience is that new (and better) love does come along. Keep battling
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