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Hung up over choice to study domestically

For context, I live in New Zealand and it's my first year at a domestic university. Ever since the start of high school I've dreamed of attending these prestigious universities overseas (in the US, UK) but I didn't end up applying for them because my parents really didn't want me studying abroad, and my school didn't know jack about applying to international schools, so I never received any support. I ended up convincing myself that it wouldn't be worth it anyway - and in some ways it still wouldn't be, considering the massive debt of international fees and the lack of scholarships for international students. I convinced myself that I'd get a BA for way cheaper in New Zealand and after a few years go overseas for postgrad, which is still probably the most financially efficient option. But I'm just so unhappy. And I feel stupid for being unhappy. I received a decent amount of scholarship money for domestic study, I get free tuition for the first year due to the government scheme, I know that the grass is not necessarily greener at these universities, and that a lot of this unhappiness is due to my romanticisation of these schools. Ranks don't really matter in the scheme of things, labels don't guarantee success (especially after academia), and my university is well-regarded. But despite knowing I made the logically beneficial choice, I can't stop dreaming about these schools. It eats at me every day that I didn't even try to apply. I gave up when I had a decent profile (almost got Dux; many extracurriculars, involved in leadership in the school and outer community) and I'm so regretful that I gave up on one of my biggest dreams because it felt like nobody believed in me. And now I keep going on futile web dives on university sites, looking at transfers and falling for the trap all over again. It's too late to transfer now as well. I don't know. It's just really silly because I'm thinking with my heart instead of my head. It's all just quite painful, and hearing some of my peers (usually wealthier) get accepted and having the opportunity to attend these schools just makes me sad. I hate that I keep going back to this and self-sabotaging. I've read endless literature on how these schools aren't cracked up to what they're made out to be, read great uni advice about debt and the lies of prestige and how the 'right school' should be holistic rather than a matter of reputation. I just don't know how to stop thinking like this, I don't know what to do.

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