Muslim females can I get your opinions
Assalamu alaykoum. Ok so I’m turning 18 in a month and am a Muslim female. Ik im still young but i don’t see myself getting married during my lifetime. Is this acceptable both religion wise and cultural wise (I’m from North Africa)? And if I chose to go down this route will I have to live at my parents house or? I’m just a bit lost because ik for a fact relationships aren’t for me but I don’t want to disappoint my parents, especially as I’m the eldest. Thank if you reply!
Original post by Anonymous
Assalamu alaykoum. Ok so I’m turning 18 in a month and am a Muslim female. Ik im still young but i don’t see myself getting married during my lifetime. Is this acceptable both religion wise and cultural wise (I’m from North Africa)? And if I chose to go down this route will I have to live at my parents house or? I’m just a bit lost because ik for a fact relationships aren’t for me but I don’t want to disappoint my parents, especially as I’m the eldest. Thank if you reply!
Why don’t you see yourself getting married? Is it a personal thing or relationships haven’t worked or seem like they work for yt
Original post by notstudyingatall
Why don’t you see yourself getting married? Is it a personal thing or relationships haven’t worked or seem like they work for yt
It’s more on the personal side. I just like to have my space you know? I feel like getting married would take that away and I’m not great with commitments. I can be very introverted at times which leads to me pushing everyone away so I don’t think it’s work out anyways. Also, I think I may be asexual (although I haven’t figured that one out 100% yet)
Original post by Anonymous
It’s more on the personal side. I just like to have my space you know? I feel like getting married would take that away and I’m not great with commitments. I can be very introverted at times which leads to me pushing everyone away so I don’t think it’s work out anyways. Also, I think I may be asexual (although I haven’t figured that one out 100% yet)
Well you could live alone, if you move out. And how religious are you and your parents?
Original post by Anonymous
It’s more on the personal side. I just like to have my space you know? I feel like getting married would take that away and I’m not great with commitments. I can be very introverted at times which leads to me pushing everyone away so I don’t think it’s work out anyways. Also, I think I may be asexual (although I haven’t figured that one out 100% yet)
Salaam sister, I know I’m not much of help but do you think as you mature further into a developed adult you’ll realise that one day you would hope to get married. Whilst it was encouraged and a act from our prophet Muhammad sawm to get married whilst young when and the age you get married is completely up to you, do you see yourself at 24 or 25 getting married?
Original post by Mohammed_80
Salaam sister, I know I’m not much of help but do you think as you mature further into a developed adult you’ll realise that one day you would hope to get married. Whilst it was encouraged and a act from our prophet Muhammad sawm to get married whilst young when and the age you get married is completely up to you, do you see yourself at 24 or 25 getting married?
Salam. No I don’t really see myself getting married at any time. This is why I just wanted to see if it’ll be acceptable for me to move out from my parents house and live solo. May Allah bless you all
Original post by notstudyingatall
Well you could live alone, if you move out. And how religious are you and your parents?
Thank you. My parents are pretty religious and I don’t know how they’ll react when I tell them this. Is moving out a common thing?
When I was younger I thought the idea of getting married or having kids would be restrictive I was worried my freedom would taken away and I wouldn't entertain any talk of marriage with my family. How wrong I was
The person you're today is not the person you will be in 10 years. You might find your prospective change in time. Being 18 years old is too young to conclude that's how you see your future.
You need to discover what's your reservation and address that.
The person you're today is not the person you will be in 10 years. You might find your prospective change in time. Being 18 years old is too young to conclude that's how you see your future.
You need to discover what's your reservation and address that.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you. My parents are pretty religious and I don’t know how they’ll react when I tell them this. Is moving out a common thing?
Moving out is a very common thing, and I hope they react positively and help you get what you want from life. Are you going to go to university?
Original post by notstudyingatall
Moving out is a very common thing, and I hope they react positively and help you get what you want from life. Are you going to go to university?
Thank you so much! Yes I am but I’m not allowed to leave so I’ll only be going to my local uni (kinda sucks because I got accepted into better unis but oh well) This was the main reason I asked on here because if they don’t let me leave for uni I thought they prob won’t let me live alone
Original post by Zizzi1
When I was younger I thought the idea of getting married or having kids would be restrictive I was worried my freedom would taken away and I wouldn't entertain any talk of marriage with my family. How wrong I was
The person you're today is not the person you will be in 10 years. You might find your prospective change in time. Being 18 years old is too young to conclude that's how you see your future.
You need to discover what's your reservation and address that.
The person you're today is not the person you will be in 10 years. You might find your prospective change in time. Being 18 years old is too young to conclude that's how you see your future.
You need to discover what's your reservation and address that.
Ah I’m glad you’re happy! May I ask how you changed your mind? Did you just get married anyways and it worked out or?
I met someone who I consider my best friend. Both Muslim just different cultures we share the same Outlook and he honestly supports me and encourages me something I never even received from my Arab family.
It was always a no as a girl but its totally OK as boy in my brothers case. So my thought was it would be the same with future husband.
It was always a no as a girl but its totally OK as boy in my brothers case. So my thought was it would be the same with future husband.
Original post by Anonymous
Ah I’m glad you’re happy! May I ask how you changed your mind? Did you just get married anyways and it worked out or?
Original post by Zizzi1
I met someone who I consider my best friend. Both Muslim just different cultures we share the same Outlook and he honestly supports me and encourages me something I never even received from my Arab family.
It was always a no as a girl but its totally OK as boy in my brothers case. So my thought was it would be the same with future husband.
It was always a no as a girl but its totally OK as boy in my brothers case. So my thought was it would be the same with future husband.
Ah that is so wholesome mashallah, may Allah bless you and your family! 😊 Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind!
Original post by Anonymous
Assalamu alaykoum. Ok so I’m turning 18 in a month and am a Muslim female. Ik im still young but i don’t see myself getting married during my lifetime. Is this acceptable both religion wise and cultural wise (I’m from North Africa)? And if I chose to go down this route will I have to live at my parents house or? I’m just a bit lost because ik for a fact relationships aren’t for me but I don’t want to disappoint my parents, especially as I’m the eldest. Thank if you reply!
same i don’t see myself getting married and prefer being on my own, but i’d like to move out
Original post by Anonymous
Ah that is so wholesome mashallah, may Allah bless you and your family! 😊 Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind!
Thank you. We plan but Allah is the best planner.
Original post by Anonymous
And if I chose to go down this route will I have to live at my parents house or? I’m just a bit lost because ik for a fact relationships aren’t for me but I don’t want to disappoint my parents, especially as I’m the eldest. Thank if you reply!
Can't you move out and live on your own. Can you afford to move out
Original post by Anonymous
Assalamu alaykoum. Ok so I’m turning 18 in a month and am a Muslim female. Ik im still young but i don’t see myself getting married during my lifetime. Is this acceptable both religion wise and cultural wise (I’m from North Africa)? And if I chose to go down this route will I have to live at my parents house or? I’m just a bit lost because ik for a fact relationships aren’t for me but I don’t want to disappoint my parents, especially as I’m the eldest. Thank if you reply!
Know, may Allaah bless you, that it is often a regret of women who don't get married that they get extremely lonely later in life without having a loving husband and children. As you get older, it is likely that Allaah will take many of your family members and you will be left without much company. Furthermore, living and relying on your parents as they reach old age would be quite a burden on them financially and physically. This would require you to work and earn a living, which is not something that women should be burdened with and instead is the responsibility of the husband. Otherwise, you remain with your parents for a long time and eat from their wealth that is needed to to sustain themselves. Once you realise these things, it is difficult to get married at an old age so it could become too late at that point.
Instead, it would be wise to consider marriage due to preventing the above circumstances and also gaining the immense benefits that come with it. I will mention a few:
1) The husband is required to spend on you, so you do not have to burden yourself by going out to work:
The Messenger of Allaah said about the women: "...Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” [Saheeh Muslim 1218]
2) Obeying the husband is one of the greatest means of earning Jannah:
Allaah says (meaning): "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property)..." [an-Nisā' 4:34]
Ahmad (19025) and al-Haakim narrated from al-Husayn ibn Muhsin that his paternal aunt came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for something and he dealt with her need, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He said: “How are you with him?” She said, “I do not neglect any of his rights except those I am unable to fulfil.” He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell” – i.e., he is the cause of you entering Paradise if you fulfil his rights and the cause of your entering Hell if you fall short in that.
[Al-Mundhiri classed the isnaad of this hadeeth as jayyid (good) in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb; it was classed as saheeh (authentic) by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, no. 1933.]
Ibn Hibbaan narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’” Classed as saheeh (authentic) by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 660.
3) Guarding your chastity:
You mentioned that you think that you may be asexual, however, that could change in the future and your desires could increase. Allaah says (meaning): "And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him)." [al-‘Isrā’:32]
4) Following the Sunnah of having many children:
The Messenger of Allaah said (meaning): "Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations". [Abu Daawood 2050 - Classed as sahih by al-Albani in Irwa al-Ghalil, 1784]
Jabir ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever has three daughters and he cares for them, he is merciful to them, and he clothes them, then Paradise is certainly required for him.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if he has only two?” The Prophet said, “Even two.” Some people thought that if they had said to him one, the Prophet would have said even one.
[Musnad Aḥmad 14247]
5) Honouring your parents:
Your parents likely would be delighted for their eldest daughter to get married and it will be less of a burden on them providing for you. Honouring the parents is an extremely important matter. Allaah said (meaning): "Worship Allāh and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good..." [an-Nisā' 4:36]
"Say: Come, I will recite what your Lord has made sacred to you. He commands that you do not associate anything with Him, and be good to your parents." [al-An’am 6:151]
These were a few points and there are many others that would take a long time to list. Through these things, getting married is a HUGE means of increasing in your good deeds. As for you saying that you like some space then, alhamdulillaah, Allaah has allowed for men to marry up to four wives and marrying a man who is already married with a wife/wives reduces the commitment and gives you more space to yourself. I advise you to consider this option. Unfortunately, many people are against the idea of polygyny and fight against it, despite the many benefits it has. From them are solving the problem of older, unmarried women as I mentioned before. Many men would be willing to marry an older woman as his second wife and so on. If you are not willing to be a co-wife, then please ponder upon the points I mentioned. Are they worth missing out on?
I advise you, may Allaah reward you, to seek knowledge about the religion so that you can deeply grasp the beauty of Islaam and its commandments. It should also be noted that you should marry a man who is religiously committed so he would fear Allaah and not neglect your rights. In order to do that, he would also look for someone who is similar in this regard.
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