The Student Room Group

Hijab?

This might be a bit of a long read, but I need some advice. I am a 17-year-old Pakistani girl, and I would say that we are a fairly modern family as we live in the UK. As I go to a private school, I am constantly exposed to Western culture, such as drinking, vaping, drugs etc. It's pretty normal for everyone at my school, and I do get invited to parties, but never go as I am aware it is awful to spend your time exposed to forbidden activities. My siblings don't really pray often, perhaps 1/2 a day generally if my parents don't tell them to. My parents of course pray, read the Quran, fast. etc. I think I have always had a bigger concern about praying and reading the Quran, and I try to remain steadfast in my worship. I have read multiple books on spirituality, Sufism, and even the poetry of Attar/Rumi. To be honest, it has had a lasting effect on me, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. I gossip, my clothes are fairly modern, and most importantly, I do not wear the hijab. This has been a concern of mine for a while, and I do truly feel like it is my duty to. However, no one in my family wears it, and we are very close to our aunties/cousins. I see them a couple of times a week, and I am aware that if I were to wear the hijab, I would have to wear it in front of my male cousins. I would also say that my family is quite judgemental, and would definitely point something out if it is out of the ordinary. I just feel like it would become such a big deal, and I am honestly worried about how I would come across if I started wearing the hijab. It's hard to explain, but I don't want to be questioned and told that I am doing something 'amazing' by wearing it when it is very standard for a Muslim woman. It would just feel so awkward, and I need the confidence to begin wearing it. I also have no Muslim friends I can talk to, so again, I need some advice. Insha'allah, I am hoping to start wearing it for university, and I am looking forward to it. I'm tired of making excuses for my lack of modesty, and I desire to become a religious, well-educated woman insha'allah. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.
Trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

Maybe wait until you have moved into your own accomodation or are living in a houseshare with likeminded female coreligionists.
No woman living in the uk/any other western country should ever feel that they have to apologise or explain to anyone why they are following secular mainstream western fashions.

Don't allow anyone to shame you into either covering up or wearing a religious uniform when you are around males and in your own home.
Nor convince you that any woman showing her hair and shoulders is a sign of an immodest, immoral or evil person.
Good luck!
Frankly I don't understand the relevance of religion in general in one's life. One can be moral and perfectly decent without religion. I would say sticking to my family's traditions without ever questioning them is, personally, a bad idea and it is always good to question everything around you even if it is hard to detach yourself from your roots. Frankly, I rejected largely my family's faith yet it doesn't prevent me from remembering where I come from and my heritage. Therefore, I don't think you should wear a piece of clothing out of pressure as that is not faith, that is blind following; this is just my personal opinion.
Reply 3
Original post by do de die egg
Frankly I don't understand the relevance of religion in general in one's life. One can be moral and perfectly decent without religion. I would say sticking to my family's traditions without ever questioning them is, personally, a bad idea and it is always good to question everything around you even if it is hard to detach yourself from your roots. Frankly, I rejected largely my family's faith yet it doesn't prevent me from remembering where I come from and my heritage. Therefore, I don't think you should wear a piece of clothing out of pressure as that is not faith, that is blind following; this is just my personal opinion.

To answer this, I wanted to find answers to things people were simply accepting as part of culture. This is purely why I began reading, and educating myself on ‘why’ as opposed to ‘what’. My entire point is that it is not normal to wear the hijab in my family and I would like to. It is something that would make me proud to wear. My decision is not out of pressure, that was the whole point of this thread. However I understand where you are coming from. Blind faith is flawed, and that is why I took it upon myself to understand the spiritual dimension of Islam.
Original post by Anonymous
To answer this, I wanted to find answers to things people were simply accepting as part of culture. This is purely why I began reading, and educating myself on ‘why’ as opposed to ‘what’. My entire point is that it is not normal to wear the hijab in my family and I would like to. It is something that would make me proud to wear. My decision is not out of pressure, that was the whole point of this thread. However I understand where you are coming from. Blind faith is flawed, and that is why I took it upon myself to understand the spiritual dimension of Islam.

Sorry I didn't understand the first part of what you wrote before. Anyways, it's you're choice at the end of the day and it's deeply personal- you should decide on your own and maybe it's best not to follow advice from Student Room.
Hi, I've moved your thread to a more appropriate place in the forums.
Original post by Anonymous
This might be a bit of a long read, but I need some advice. I am a 17-year-old Pakistani girl, and I would say that we are a fairly modern family as we live in the UK. As I go to a private school, I am constantly exposed to Western culture, such as drinking, vaping, drugs etc. It's pretty normal for everyone at my school, and I do get invited to parties, but never go as I am aware it is awful to spend your time exposed to forbidden activities. My siblings don't really pray often, perhaps 1/2 a day generally if my parents don't tell them to. My parents of course pray, read the Quran, fast. etc. I think I have always had a bigger concern about praying and reading the Quran, and I try to remain steadfast in my worship. I have read multiple books on spirituality, Sufism, and even the poetry of Attar/Rumi. To be honest, it has had a lasting effect on me, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. I gossip, my clothes are fairly modern, and most importantly, I do not wear the hijab. This has been a concern of mine for a while, and I do truly feel like it is my duty to. However, no one in my family wears it, and we are very close to our aunties/cousins. I see them a couple of times a week, and I am aware that if I were to wear the hijab, I would have to wear it in front of my male cousins. I would also say that my family is quite judgemental, and would definitely point something out if it is out of the ordinary. I just feel like it would become such a big deal, and I am honestly worried about how I would come across if I started wearing the hijab. It's hard to explain, but I don't want to be questioned and told that I am doing something 'amazing' by wearing it when it is very standard for a Muslim woman. It would just feel so awkward, and I need the confidence to begin wearing it. I also have no Muslim friends I can talk to, so again, I need some advice. Insha'allah, I am hoping to start wearing it for university, and I am looking forward to it. I'm tired of making excuses for my lack of modesty, and I desire to become a religious, well-educated woman insha'allah. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

right! so i'm part-pakistani and i'm a boy but i hv 2 sisters and one of them (she's 15) has started to wear a hijab. it's only on the weekends, and she wants to progress from there in terms of wearing fully. you're also a great muslim for staying away from forbidden practices, btw! and it's great to know ur trying to learn more about ur religion, it will really aid u. i'm not that religious, but the rest of my family are, and i can sorta see where ur coming from. also having "modern" clothes is fine, so many girls are allowed to, just because you're not wearing an abaya/national dress and your clothes are more "westernized" is still ok! as long as you're modest and covering ur awrah, it shouldn't matter what ur clothes look like. ur male cousins also, if they hv any respect or dignity, should appreciate ur decision to become a better muslim and a better person. trust me, it would go ok. you'd become a better person, and you'll gain reward! i can see where ur coming from on ur family commenting on ur views, and i've learnt to simply ignore it. i got called out by my family for wearing loose clothing and how it made me look like "an unfaithful gangster." it hurt me at first, but u hv to learn to shut those thoughts out. being TOO self-conscious isn't good for anybody, and following the opinions of others is even worse. also if ur family start to call it "amazing" it's a positive and great thing! it means ur on ur way to becoming a beautiful muslim girl inshallah.

Hope this helps and that I covered everything! If there's anything else u wanna know, feel free to ask if ur comfortable! 💗❤️
Reply 7
Original post by mmik_mikaeel
right! so i'm part-pakistani and i'm a boy but i hv 2 sisters and one of them (she's 15) has started to wear a hijab. it's only on the weekends, and she wants to progress from there in terms of wearing fully. you're also a great muslim for staying away from forbidden practices, btw! and it's great to know ur trying to learn more about ur religion, it will really aid u. i'm not that religious, but the rest of my family are, and i can sorta see where ur coming from. also having "modern" clothes is fine, so many girls are allowed to, just because you're not wearing an abaya/national dress and your clothes are more "westernized" is still ok! as long as you're modest and covering ur awrah, it shouldn't matter what ur clothes look like. ur male cousins also, if they hv any respect or dignity, should appreciate ur decision to become a better muslim and a better person. trust me, it would go ok. you'd become a better person, and you'll gain reward! i can see where ur coming from on ur family commenting on ur views, and i've learnt to simply ignore it. i got called out by my family for wearing loose clothing and how it made me look like "an unfaithful gangster." it hurt me at first, but u hv to learn to shut those thoughts out. being TOO self-conscious isn't good for anybody, and following the opinions of others is even worse. also if ur family start to call it "amazing" it's a positive and great thing! it means ur on ur way to becoming a beautiful muslim girl inshallah.

Hope this helps and that I covered everything! If there's anything else u wanna know, feel free to ask if ur comfortable! 💗❤️

I really appreciate your message, very refreshing to read 🙂 Thank you for your advice, it definitely helped!
Original post by Anyazz
I really appreciate your message, very refreshing to read 🙂 Thank you for your advice, it definitely helped!

i'm so glad to be of help!
i hope you've got some more confidence in yourself now, and you can feel a bit more comfortable with your religious beliefs 🥰
alhamdulillah we still hv some good muslim girls in the world 🙏
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous #1
This might be a bit of a long read, but I need some advice. I am a 17-year-old Pakistani girl, and I would say that we are a fairly modern family as we live in the UK. As I go to a private school, I am constantly exposed to Western culture, such as drinking, vaping, drugs etc. It's pretty normal for everyone at my school, and I do get invited to parties, but never go as I am aware it is awful to spend your time exposed to forbidden activities. My siblings don't really pray often, perhaps 1/2 a day generally if my parents don't tell them to. My parents of course pray, read the Quran, fast. etc. I think I have always had a bigger concern about praying and reading the Quran, and I try to remain steadfast in my worship. I have read multiple books on spirituality, Sufism, and even the poetry of Attar/Rumi. To be honest, it has had a lasting effect on me, and I always feel like I am not doing enough. I gossip, my clothes are fairly modern, and most importantly, I do not wear the hijab. This has been a concern of mine for a while, and I do truly feel like it is my duty to. However, no one in my family wears it, and we are very close to our aunties/cousins. I see them a couple of times a week, and I am aware that if I were to wear the hijab, I would have to wear it in front of my male cousins. I would also say that my family is quite judgemental, and would definitely point something out if it is out of the ordinary. I just feel like it would become such a big deal, and I am honestly worried about how I would come across if I started wearing the hijab. It's hard to explain, but I don't want to be questioned and told that I am doing something 'amazing' by wearing it when it is very standard for a Muslim woman. It would just feel so awkward, and I need the confidence to begin wearing it. I also have no Muslim friends I can talk to, so again, I need some advice. Insha'allah, I am hoping to start wearing it for university, and I am looking forward to it. I'm tired of making excuses for my lack of modesty, and I desire to become a religious, well-educated woman insha'allah. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

I was in a very similar situation too, in that I came from a non-practising family and spent my youth surrounded with non-Muslims. The way I reconnected with Allaah is by learning about Him and His religion. How can we get close to Him when we don't even know His Names, Attributes, what we owe to Him? So seeking Islamic knowledge is essential in order for us to get closer to Him, as He said (meaning): {Verily, only those who fear Allah among his servants are those with knowledge} [Surah Fatir 35:28]

{Allah will raise the status of those who believe among you and who are given knowledge by degrees} [Surah Al-Mujadila 58:11]

The Messenger of Allah said (meaning): "Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah makes easy for him a path to Paradise." [Sahih Muslim 2699]

I advise you, may Allāh bless you, to start by learning the most important matter, which is tawheed (singling Allaah out in worship), as all the other matters come secondary to this. The Messengers were sent for this reason as Allaah said (meaning): {And verily, We have sent among every Ummah a Messenger (proclaiming): "Worship Allâh, and avoid Tâghût (everything worshipped besides Allāh)" [an-Nahl:36]} so it is important that we study the statement "Laa ilaaha illa Allaah", what it means, and what nullifies it. As well as this, you can study all the other disciplines such as learning the correct attributes of prayer, or the conditions of the Hijaab. You should study under a trustworthy teacher who you can learn from, so I recommend the YouTube channel "Gardenofilm" and that you start from the playlist "Important Lessons". This playlist covers a book that goes through the essentials for every Muslim, starting from Tawheed then other topics like purification, prayer, zakaah and so on. After this you can progress to other books on the channel, and seeking Islamic knowledge is a lifelong journey so think of this just as the beginning.

Once you start studying, obedience to Allaah will come easier to you, in shaa' Allaah. Seeking knowledge was one of the best, if not the best, thing that has happened to me. Before, I had some very close friends who were non-Muslim, but now after I was trying to get closer to Allaah, I distanced myself from them and I have no friends now. However, I swear by Allaah, that now, with no friends, I feel the least lonely I have ever felt because Islaam suffices me. Learning the religion becomes something you look forward to and want more of.

I hope that this benefitted you; if you need anymore advice then I am happy to help.
(edited 2 months ago)

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