Can you mark/give feedback on my gcse creative writing

I do CIE GCSE English language, and I was just wondering if anyone could give feedback on the narrative story I had written.


"In loving memory of Jennifer Elizabeth Jackson, 1975-2023, may she rest in peace." I read out loud as I placed an assortment of tulips beside her headstone. The dazzling pinks; striking blues; and flamboyant purples are amplified as they lay next to her lifeless grave.

When my mother first passed, I felt as if a tsunami of sorrow had been unleashed, and I was drowning in it. Swallowing heaps of memories that only made me sink further to the bottom. I remember rushing to the hospital, and examining her feeble skin as they tried to bring her back to life. When they gave up, my hands shook as if an earthquake had passed, and each breath became shorter. I could only find comfort in the plastic chair next to her bed, which embraced me as they carried her body out.

Then my brain was flooded with the pain she caused: two broken wrists, a black eye, and stitches. That’s paired with the constant reminder of my insignificance to her, and that her biggest misfortune was keeping me.

When I was little, she used to tell me that the mole on my right cheek was far too big, and that my eyes were the type of green that was used to describe the colour of someone’s skin after they had eaten raw meat. When I got older, she told me "what real pain was". I can still remember the deranged look in her face, and the haunting twinkle in her eyes when I was balled up with my head against the chalky kitchen fridge each night. She would clench her hands, and tighten her jaw, as she hissed abuse at me. I tried to look at her with tears barricading my eyes when she told me she never loved me, and at that moment I knew she never would.

I don’t know why I’m melancholic.

How can I grieve someone that caused so much agony? My therapist said that "it’s natural to feel grief", and that perhaps I’m "simply overcome with emotion", but I don’t believe him. I think I miss every summer evening, when the magnificent blue sky ruled our lives, and we’d eat ice cream by the park. I miss when she’d wake up extra early on my birthday, every year, to make pink pancakes garnished with edible glitter. I miss when we got our nails done every other week, and I’d make fun of her for having to decide between two different shades of purple. I miss her.

But just because I miss her doesn’t mean I forgive her for anything she did. I am grieving the fact that she can never make things right. As I get up to leave, the dreary pinks; sombre blues; and faded purples camouflage into her lifeless grave.

by the way,i am also giving GCSE english in the winter season(homeschooler) and wondered if you can help me too...if you dont mind,we can help each other by giving tips,sharing ideas or something...i'd be glad of your help!

Thanks so much for the chatgpt tip! The story has gotten so much better. Also if you ask for a rating at GCSE level that it usually gives you the grade it thinks your at.

I’m happy to help you, but I don’t have much of an English brain so I’m not sure if I’d be much use

well,your essay looks a lot better than mine would be.what grade are you aiming for?