How come some people find love at a much younger age whereas some never find at all?
I have noticed that even 12 and 13 year olds these days are dating and saying they are in love whereas I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend, never been even hugged or kissed by a girl and never hold hands with girl. I never really even interacted with a girl in person especially in my school days and most of my college life because I was too shy near girls. I will be graduating college in mid 2023 and then study MBA. But I am not the only one. I use dating apps and also try messaging girls on Instagram whom I knew in my school but not so much luck yet. Btw I am not the only one. I watch videos of people in the same boat as me and I see so men in their 20s, 30s, even 40s and 50s who never had a girlfriend before. The oldest man in the comments who said he never had a girlfriend is 66 year old. That made me scared because at just 22 I already feel terrible and feel the FOMO so can't even imagine how these 40+ age men feel. Like they completely missed out and they seem really broken and sad in the comments and say they gave up. Some 58 year old man commented saying he never had a girlfriend and have 0 social life as he has no friends either and no family. I feel scared thinking what if it happens to me too. Btw how come some people are lucky enough to find a partner or love even at 13-14 whereas some can't even at 20 or 30 or even 40+?
Original post by Anonymous
I have noticed that even 12 and 13 year olds these days are dating and saying they are in love whereas I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend, never been even hugged or kissed by a girl and never hold hands with girl. I never really even interacted with a girl in person especially in my school days and most of my college life because I was too shy near girls. I will be graduating college in mid 2023 and then study MBA. But I am not the only one. I use dating apps and also try messaging girls on Instagram whom I knew in my school but not so much luck yet. Btw I am not the only one. I watch videos of people in the same boat as me and I see so men in their 20s, 30s, even 40s and 50s who never had a girlfriend before. The oldest man in the comments who said he never had a girlfriend is 66 year old. That made me scared because at just 22 I already feel terrible and feel the FOMO so can't even imagine how these 40+ age men feel. Like they completely missed out and they seem really broken and sad in the comments and say they gave up. Some 58 year old man commented saying he never had a girlfriend and have 0 social life as he has no friends either and no family. I feel scared thinking what if it happens to me too. Btw how come some people are lucky enough to find a partner or love even at 13-14 whereas some can't even at 20 or 30 or even 40+?
There's luck, some people are naturally more attractive, confident, hardworking than others.
Original post by Anonymous
I have noticed that even 12 and 13 year olds these days are dating and saying they are in love whereas I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend, never been even hugged or kissed by a girl and never hold hands with girl. I never really even interacted with a girl in person especially in my school days and most of my college life because I was too shy near girls. I will be graduating college in mid 2023 and then study MBA. But I am not the only one. I use dating apps and also try messaging girls on Instagram whom I knew in my school but not so much luck yet. Btw I am not the only one. I watch videos of people in the same boat as me and I see so men in their 20s, 30s, even 40s and 50s who never had a girlfriend before. The oldest man in the comments who said he never had a girlfriend is 66 year old. That made me scared because at just 22 I already feel terrible and feel the FOMO so can't even imagine how these 40+ age men feel. Like they completely missed out and they seem really broken and sad in the comments and say they gave up. Some 58 year old man commented saying he never had a girlfriend and have 0 social life as he has no friends either and no family. I feel scared thinking what if it happens to me too. Btw how come some people are lucky enough to find a partner or love even at 13-14 whereas some can't even at 20 or 30 or even 40+?
Sadly dependent on the person and their path
You have to get lucky with your looks/personality/who you meet. If you've been dealt a bad hand there's not much you can do
There is you're problem, too shy around girls
Some people don't intuitively 'connect' with other people around them. There are lots of reasons why it could be, so it doesn't automatically mean someone is a 'good' or 'bad' person, but it obviously will hurt their ability to make friends or meet a partner. In some cases, these people don't even necessarily care very much and are happy by themselves. In other cases, they might care a lot but pretend they don't. There are lots of different types and reasons, but they all have this this one thing in common, that they struggle to intuitively and authentically 'connect' with people around them.
For those who have some very unique qualities, are extremely good looking, or from a wealthy background, or very talented at something specific, they will probably be 'successful' in attracting people and partners, but will nonetheless often struggle with growing, maintaining and holding onto those relationships.
Ask yourself a simple question... what is going through your head when you are talking to someone? Are you:
a) mostly thinking about them and are genuinely interested in finding out more about them?, or
b) mostly self-conscious, thinking about yourself & how to ask the next question without sounding 'stupid'?
If it's b), then that demonstrates a major symptom of what your problem is: you aren't actually connecting with other people. Your insecure mindset in conversations is likely causing you to come across self-centered without you even realising this. Most people can probably relate to this at some point, because nobody is perfect. It is relatable, and if you can find a way to acknowledge this when you are with other people, instead of somehow denying it or pretending you are not self-conscious when you actually are, then other people will start to find you more relatable as well. ... and you will come across the odd ar.sehole who sees it as an opportunity to f**k with you instead, although most people aren't sociopaths, so this will be a small %.
Many people make harmless jokes about these kinds of insecurities among each other. It's a large part of how they 'connect'. If you try to repress these insecurities instead... you're really shooting yourself in the foot hard. Not only you don't 'connect', you also make the problem worse at the same time, and come across as insular and emotionally immature, further exasperating your existing insecurities.
For those who have some very unique qualities, are extremely good looking, or from a wealthy background, or very talented at something specific, they will probably be 'successful' in attracting people and partners, but will nonetheless often struggle with growing, maintaining and holding onto those relationships.
Ask yourself a simple question... what is going through your head when you are talking to someone? Are you:
a) mostly thinking about them and are genuinely interested in finding out more about them?, or
b) mostly self-conscious, thinking about yourself & how to ask the next question without sounding 'stupid'?
If it's b), then that demonstrates a major symptom of what your problem is: you aren't actually connecting with other people. Your insecure mindset in conversations is likely causing you to come across self-centered without you even realising this. Most people can probably relate to this at some point, because nobody is perfect. It is relatable, and if you can find a way to acknowledge this when you are with other people, instead of somehow denying it or pretending you are not self-conscious when you actually are, then other people will start to find you more relatable as well. ... and you will come across the odd ar.sehole who sees it as an opportunity to f**k with you instead, although most people aren't sociopaths, so this will be a small %.
Many people make harmless jokes about these kinds of insecurities among each other. It's a large part of how they 'connect'. If you try to repress these insecurities instead... you're really shooting yourself in the foot hard. Not only you don't 'connect', you also make the problem worse at the same time, and come across as insular and emotionally immature, further exasperating your existing insecurities.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Surnia
Do you really think a 12yo knows what it's like to be in love and in a relationship? At that age, they're playing at it.
It will help if you stop comparing yourself to other people and don't come over as desperate.
It will help if you stop comparing yourself to other people and don't come over as desperate.
Some people are very precocious/mature
Original post by justlearning1469
Some people are very precocious/mature
Precocious and mature are 2 different things. How many people do you know personally that are with their childhood sweetheart that they met at 12? Some of the very much older generation maybe, but these days?
Original post by Surnia
Precocious and mature are 2 different things. How many people do you know personally that are with their childhood sweetheart that they met at 12? Some of the very much older generation maybe, but these days?
Yes, but people can still be very mature, and some are just fortunate to meet their soulmate at 12
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