My autistic brother annoys me so much

My brother turned 10 last month and is actually one of the most selfish people I know. I know he's only 10 but he has never said "I love you" or "Thank you" or "Please" in his entire life. I'm not even exaggerating.

He always gets away with stuff aswell. I don't think he's ever gotten a punishment ever.. He hits and kicks my younger sisters but never gets any flack for it. I always have to clean up his messes and when I suggested to him that maybe he should be cleaning his room and not me he screeched at me and ran off like some sort of wild animal on all 4s.

I'm actually just so tired of it. He never appreciates anyone, I feel like in his eyes we are just people that serve him and give him whatever he wants whenever. He's not even potty trained and he's double digits, which I know isn't his fault but he doesn't even put in an effort to improve. His entire diet is milk and ice lollies and he's the skinniest kid I've ever seen. His room is always a tip aswell. It's an actual biohazard, and he stays up watching youtube shorts on full volume all night and falls asleep at around 9am, this has been his sleep schedule for about 3 years now.

My mum focuses all her attention on him. Anytime I ever go to talk to her it's 'not now im busy with your brother!'
In his 10 years of life he has not once shown love, affection or care and has never done anything for this family. He's never done any chores ever and is essentially a walking sofa.

Am I being mean? Is this a justified emotion?

Reply 1

SomeonesDad

I think that you have perfectly described his life. He doesn't 'get' earnings love, responsibility, respect, order and all those other things in the same way as the rest of us.
There's no magic wand to make things change. I think your mum would love to spend time with you and on herself too. See if you can't find something the two of you could enjoy together and see if someone (I guess you have carers come in) else can take the burden off her shoulders for an afternoon.

Reply 2

LsDad

Hi,
Unfortunately i'm not qualified in metal illness to comment other than to say that personally, i have found that its not the case as such that people that are neurodivergent wont say "i love you" or appreciate what you are doing, its more that they cant relate at that emotional level, many lack emotional maturity and just can't communicate in that same way.

Of course this is a justified emotion, its exhausting living with anyone with a condition like Autism, i genuinely feel for your plight here and its clear that your mum needs help. Autistic children like to follow a set routine, clearly he has one but it involves you tube videos to the early hours and that needs to change for sure as its impacting others around you.

I would see if you can have a sensible chat with your mum, explain your position and how its impacting you and your younger sisters. Unfortunately she is limited for options in what she can do, she is trapped in that 80/20 bubble where 80% of her attention is diverted to the 20% of the family that is the most demanding. All of you need the same level of love and attention from her but your brother is clearly sucking the life out of her.

I'm guessing external support is limited which is often the case, for what its worth you sound like a terrific student yourself, very mature and level headed for your age and supporting in a very challenging home environment, just hold in there, I'm not saying it will get better soon but, work at your studies and you may have opportunity to go to University and have more time for yourself further down the line,

Sending you strength and best wishes at this difficult time, you take care