My older boyfriend of 15 months keeps declining invites to meet up with my family..

My family have invited my (24F) boyfriend (36M) of 15 months to join us for meals/Christmas/Easter. My boyfriend just says no, even now when he’s just sitting at home instead. He’s met my family once but sees no point in attending gatherings. My family are very welcoming, don’t have massive expectations for us, they’re just happy to include me and the man who I spend so much time with and has left an important mark on my life. I feel embarrassed having to make excuses. He says he loves me deeply, and and wants to be together for a long time. I want him to integrate with my friends, family etc but he sees no point and is averse to ever living together. I have met his family and friends and loved spending time with them (they live a long way away so not often). He doesn’t have many friends apart from exes nearby and seems fine with that. I’m sad he sees no value in the effort, I love him but not sure if this is something else I can brush under the carpet. Any advice on broaching the family topic with him is welcome! How to respectively bring up that it makes me doubt the relationship..

Muchaz regards, thanks for reading :smile:

Reply 1

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

My family have invited my (24F) boyfriend (36M) of 15 months to join us for meals/Christmas/Easter. My boyfriend just says no, even now when he’s just sitting at home instead. He’s met my family once but sees no point in attending gatherings. My family are very welcoming, don’t have massive expectations for us, they’re just happy to include me and the man who I spend so much time with and has left an important mark on my life. I feel embarrassed having to make excuses. He says he loves me deeply, and and wants to be together for a long time. I want him to integrate with my friends, family etc but he sees no point and is averse to ever living together. I have met his family and friends and loved spending time with them (they live a long way away so not often). He doesn’t have many friends apart from exes nearby and seems fine with that. I’m sad he sees no value in the effort, I love him but not sure if this is something else I can brush under the carpet. Any advice on broaching the family topic with him is welcome! How to respectively bring up that it makes me doubt the relationship..

Muchaz regards, thanks for reading :smile:

It could be that he feels overwhelmed meeting loads of people at the same time. You may think there is no pressure or expectation because it is your family, but he could think otherwise.

I suggest that you break down your family group to smaller manageable units. Maybe have him meet your brother or sister more often then quietly add another family member until he is meeting more people regularly.

Also check whether he has mutual interests with a family member e.g. football, boxing, rugby or cricket then get both to bond on a shared love of sports over a few bevs and some cigars.

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Anonymous

My family have invited my (24F) boyfriend (36M) of 15 months to join us for meals/Christmas/Easter. My boyfriend just says no, even now when he’s just sitting at home instead. He’s met my family once but sees no point in attending gatherings. My family are very welcoming, don’t have massive expectations for us, they’re just happy to include me and the man who I spend so much time with and has left an important mark on my life. I feel embarrassed having to make excuses. He says he loves me deeply, and and wants to be together for a long time. I want him to integrate with my friends, family etc but he sees no point and is averse to ever living together. I have met his family and friends and loved spending time with them (they live a long way away so not often). He doesn’t have many friends apart from exes nearby and seems fine with that. I’m sad he sees no value in the effort, I love him but not sure if this is something else I can brush under the carpet. Any advice on broaching the family topic with him is welcome! How to respectively bring up that it makes me doubt the relationship..

Muchaz regards, thanks for reading :smile:

Stop making excuses for him to your family. Just agree with your family that he's acting like an anti-social git.

From what you've told us, there's a chance he's got a secret lover, what with the not wanting to live with you and making his excuses.

I think you should dump him and find yourself someone that's happy to live with you. And someone with better social skills than him.
I also think that your boyfriend is taking your for granted too much.

Cleverest way to make your point to him that he should buck his ideas up would be for you to arrange some sort of day or evening out with 1 or more family members where you are likely to be mingling with other people and to invite your boyfriend to it too. When he declines, look happy about it and tell him that it's fine and you'll go without him. You could also do the same sort of thing about going out with some of your friends.