Mum keeps on having sly digs at me
My mum likes for the whole family to get together on regular occasions, I would say about once a month. And I have always made these get togethers, however because I didn't make the last one and can't go to the next one she keeps having sly digs at me. A few weekends ago my parents invited us all round for a BBQ so me, my sisters and our partners. However the night before the BBQ my girlfriend was up all night vomiting so I told my parents we couldn't make the BBQ.
Now in a few weeks it is my nan's birthday which just so happens to fall on a day that I am going to Newcastle all day with my friends to watch some rugby. I spoke to my nan about this month's ago and asked if she'd mind if I went and she said she didn't. I told my nan I would go and see her the day before her birthday and she was fine with this. However today my mum has said "oh by the way on your nan's birthday we are all going round for a Chinese" to which I said I can't because I'm in Newcastle that day but I will see her the day before and my nan was totally fine with this. At this point my mum completely flew off the rails and said I never do anything as a family with them anymore and I just said there's two instances where I've not been able to attend due to one my girlfriend being ill and two my plans to go to Newcastle which I have had for months.
But now she keeps on making sly digs every time I mention plans I have with my mates or girlfriend or even when I visit my parents which is about 3 or 4 times a week she says things like "nice of you to visit us."
What should I do? As I've got older I've realised there is no point getting into an argument with her as she'll never back down so I don't know what to do.
Now in a few weeks it is my nan's birthday which just so happens to fall on a day that I am going to Newcastle all day with my friends to watch some rugby. I spoke to my nan about this month's ago and asked if she'd mind if I went and she said she didn't. I told my nan I would go and see her the day before her birthday and she was fine with this. However today my mum has said "oh by the way on your nan's birthday we are all going round for a Chinese" to which I said I can't because I'm in Newcastle that day but I will see her the day before and my nan was totally fine with this. At this point my mum completely flew off the rails and said I never do anything as a family with them anymore and I just said there's two instances where I've not been able to attend due to one my girlfriend being ill and two my plans to go to Newcastle which I have had for months.
But now she keeps on making sly digs every time I mention plans I have with my mates or girlfriend or even when I visit my parents which is about 3 or 4 times a week she says things like "nice of you to visit us."
What should I do? As I've got older I've realised there is no point getting into an argument with her as she'll never back down so I don't know what to do.
Try to talk to her and set some expectations. Don't force a conversation when others people are there, or when your mum is angry. Ask your mum how often she visit your grandma. Ask she how many times you should be expected to see her.
You're an adult now so you will have your own life. Family, friends, partner, work, alone time. You will inevitably miss many more occasions. It's just part of growing up your mum need to get used to. Tell her that doesn't mean she is not important, you still love her but you have many things going on.
Ideally it will be a heartwarming conversation. If, however, she ignores you and keeps making sarcastic remarks, give her an ultimatum: since she always make snarky comments, you now feel unwelcome and as such will no longer visit her, except on family holidays. Or would she prefer a submissive "mama boy" who can only do what mum said and have no friends and partner as a consequence?
It can be harsh but dramatic people keep being dramatic because 1. They love the attention and 2. They think nobody can do them harm. Make her understand you are hurt by her remarks and if she keeps it up she will reap what she sows.
You're an adult now so you will have your own life. Family, friends, partner, work, alone time. You will inevitably miss many more occasions. It's just part of growing up your mum need to get used to. Tell her that doesn't mean she is not important, you still love her but you have many things going on.
Ideally it will be a heartwarming conversation. If, however, she ignores you and keeps making sarcastic remarks, give her an ultimatum: since she always make snarky comments, you now feel unwelcome and as such will no longer visit her, except on family holidays. Or would she prefer a submissive "mama boy" who can only do what mum said and have no friends and partner as a consequence?
It can be harsh but dramatic people keep being dramatic because 1. They love the attention and 2. They think nobody can do them harm. Make her understand you are hurt by her remarks and if she keeps it up she will reap what she sows.
Original post by Anonymous
My mum likes for the whole family to get together on regular occasions, I would say about once a month. And I have always made these get togethers, however because I didn't make the last one and can't go to the next one she keeps having sly digs at me. A few weekends ago my parents invited us all round for a BBQ so me, my sisters and our partners. However the night before the BBQ my girlfriend was up all night vomiting so I told my parents we couldn't make the BBQ.
Now in a few weeks it is my nan's birthday which just so happens to fall on a day that I am going to Newcastle all day with my friends to watch some rugby. I spoke to my nan about this month's ago and asked if she'd mind if I went and she said she didn't. I told my nan I would go and see her the day before her birthday and she was fine with this. However today my mum has said "oh by the way on your nan's birthday we are all going round for a Chinese" to which I said I can't because I'm in Newcastle that day but I will see her the day before and my nan was totally fine with this. At this point my mum completely flew off the rails and said I never do anything as a family with them anymore and I just said there's two instances where I've not been able to attend due to one my girlfriend being ill and two my plans to go to Newcastle which I have had for months.
But now she keeps on making sly digs every time I mention plans I have with my mates or girlfriend or even when I visit my parents which is about 3 or 4 times a week she says things like "nice of you to visit us."
What should I do? As I've got older I've realised there is no point getting into an argument with her as she'll never back down so I don't know what to do.
Now in a few weeks it is my nan's birthday which just so happens to fall on a day that I am going to Newcastle all day with my friends to watch some rugby. I spoke to my nan about this month's ago and asked if she'd mind if I went and she said she didn't. I told my nan I would go and see her the day before her birthday and she was fine with this. However today my mum has said "oh by the way on your nan's birthday we are all going round for a Chinese" to which I said I can't because I'm in Newcastle that day but I will see her the day before and my nan was totally fine with this. At this point my mum completely flew off the rails and said I never do anything as a family with them anymore and I just said there's two instances where I've not been able to attend due to one my girlfriend being ill and two my plans to go to Newcastle which I have had for months.
But now she keeps on making sly digs every time I mention plans I have with my mates or girlfriend or even when I visit my parents which is about 3 or 4 times a week she says things like "nice of you to visit us."
What should I do? As I've got older I've realised there is no point getting into an argument with her as she'll never back down so I don't know what to do.
Move the f out the house if you haven't already. No need to put up with her **** your a child not a adult and are allowed to have friends and a social life. Don't let her control and manipulate you and feel bad for being a normal adult. She's the unreasonable one not you.
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