what do I say to him

OP

Original post by xxColinxx

Is it just you & him meeting at the restaurant, or as part of a group of friends?

If it's a 1 on 1 thing, you're definitely leading him on...

it’s just me and him but that’s not the point. What if I was a lesbian or he was a family friend? I don’t understand how me asking a guy to hangout is leading him on. Why should I have to assume that he thinks we’re meeting up for a date? When I ask my female friends to meet up I don’t say ‘would you like to meet up -as friends-‘

Reply 4

annaahmed1

1

Original post by Anonymous

I’m meeting up at a restaurant with a guy I met from a party a couple months ago. How do I keep it clear that so far I just want to know him as a friend. He sent me a couple of flirty messages at the start and I sort of flirted back as i’m a naturally flirty person. I just don’t want to make things awkward and i’m happy to get to know more than friends but just for now I want to keep things casual

Just be straight forward, always be honest and I am sure if he likes you for you, he will understand it and slows down :wink:

Reply 5

Hib—

Original post by Anonymous

it’s just me and him but that’s not the point. What if I was a lesbian or he was a family friend? I don’t understand how me asking a guy to hangout is leading him on. Why should I have to assume that he thinks we’re meeting up for a date? When I ask my female friends to meet up I don’t say ‘would you like to meet up -as friends-‘

Because he *isn't* your friend/family friend. You started texting him after meeting him from a party of all places, and the second time you meet (I presume) face-to-face is at a restaurant. Inviting the person to a fast-food joint or another party would be understandable, but the only time I've ever actually been to a restaurant was because someone died. I wouldn't take my friends to a goddamn restaurant unless we were celebrating something/in a large group. A one-on-one meal with someone you've mostly spoken online with just seems too *proper*

Reply 6

Make it clear before you meet up what you want from him, but don't be surprised if it doesn't end well. You know your friends so they'd understand where you are coming from if you say let's go for a meal. With this guy who is a relative stranger you've already started down a certain path by flirting (which you wouldn't do with a family friend!) and 1-on-1 in a restaurant means lots of time for conversation and a financial commitment.

Reply 7

I completely agree with Surnia.
Go on a small walk before you enter the restaurant, while you walking explain it to him. If he wants to continue and respects that you found a guy that wants a relationship and not just sex.

Reply 8

xxColinxx

7

Original post by Anonymous

it’s just me and him but that’s not the point. What if I was a lesbian or he was a family friend? I don’t understand how me asking a guy to hangout is leading him on. Why should I have to assume that he thinks we’re meeting up for a date? When I ask my female friends to meet up I don’t say ‘would you like to meet up -as friends-‘

You & I didn't make up the rules when it comes to societal norms. I'm just giving you advice how they work, if you're interested.

Reply 9

Original post by Kathy89

Go on a small walk before you enter the restaurant, while you walking explain it to him. If he wants to continue and respects that you found a guy that wants a relationship and not just sex.

IMO that's too late for the conversation. By that point he's potentially put the time and money into travelling. Should be a phone call ASAP.

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

it’s just me and him but that’s not the point. What if I was a lesbian or he was a family friend? I don’t understand how me asking a guy to hangout is leading him on. Why should I have to assume that he thinks we’re meeting up for a date? When I ask my female friends to meet up I don’t say ‘would you like to meet up -as friends-‘

Not all the guys are like this, most are, but you shouldn't assume he is different.

Reply 11

Original post by Surnia

IMO that's too late for the conversation. By that point he's potentially put the time and money into travelling. Should be a phone call ASAP.

I agree it is too late, but I think a face to face conversation is much more respectful than a phone call.

Reply 12

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous

it’s just me and him but that’s not the point. What if I was a lesbian or he was a family friend? I don’t understand how me asking a guy to hangout is leading him on. Why should I have to assume that he thinks we’re meeting up for a date? When I ask my female friends to meet up I don’t say ‘would you like to meet up -as friends-‘

The mutual flirting will have raised expectation and you already have an idea what’s in his mind. This said I don’t think going for an initial bite to eat together is leading him on. You can always tell him you’re a lesbian

Reply 13

Original post by Zarek

You can always tell him you’re a lesbian

So she starts a friendship based on a lie? How's she going to keep that up? Imagine the conversation:

"Who was that guy I saw you snogging near the pub? I thought you were a lesbian."
"I am a lesbian! Erm....that was my identical heterosexual identical twin sister "
"Thought you only had brothers..."
"Erm, I do, kind of. I'm estranged from my sister..."

Reply 14

OP

okay thanks for your advice guys. On second thought I think we should meet up somewhere else what areas can we hang out where it seems platonic and not like a date? I initially suggested grabbing some coffee but then he mentioned food and it would be a bit rough if he travelled about an hour away just for some coffee

Reply 15

Original post by Anonymous

okay thanks for your advice guys. On second thought I think we should meet up somewhere else what areas can we hang out where it seems platonic and not like a date? I initially suggested grabbing some coffee but then he mentioned food and it would be a bit rough if he travelled about an hour away just for some coffee

I see nothing wrong with a friendly date, as long as you both know it is a friendly date.
Like if you can afford it and it is OK with both of you even a nice place can be fine.

There are places you can order something and sit in a park and have a nice chat.

Reply 16

OP

Original post by Kathy89

I see nothing wrong with a friendly date, as long as you both know it is a friendly date.
Like if you can afford it and it is OK with both of you even a nice place can be fine.

There are places you can order something and sit in a park and have a nice chat.

yeah thank you. I was just worried he might get the wrong impression. I suppose I'm just afraid of letting him down

Reply 17

Original post by Anonymous

I initially suggested grabbing some coffee but then he mentioned food and it would be a bit rough if he travelled about an hour away just for some coffee

How far are you planning to travel? Can you meet in the middle?

Reply 18

OP

Original post by Surnia

How far are you planning to travel? Can you meet in the middle?

yeah the restaurant were meeting at is about 15-20 mins for me and 30-1hr from him depending on traffic. And it seems like were both foodies. I love to try new foods so I though it could be a nice bonding experience. In the past me and one of my female friends like going to eat out because were interested in trying new foods.

Reply 19