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Boyfriend didn’t invite me to hang with friends on his bday

I asked my bf what he was doing for his bday and he said probably going fratting/clubbing and I asked if he would want me to be there and he said he is probably going to get really wasted with his friends, but it’s also his 21st and we haven’t been dating for that long. It kind of hurts my feelings that he wouldn’t want me to be around his friends though, since he has sort of been around mine? He is also a frat guy, and someone told me that I should have expected that. Advice? Does that mean he doesn’t really see anything serious with me or what?
How long have you been dating?
Reply 2
Original post by Admit-One
How long have you been dating?

A little over a month officially, but we’ve been seeing each other probably since April and kept in touch while I was abroad and starting going out in august on dates
Original post by Bluedevil1919
A little over a month officially, but we’ve been seeing each other probably since April and kept in touch while I was abroad and starting going out in august on dates


Then I wouldn’t read too much into it. His relationship with his friends may be different to yours and it may take more time for him to be comfortable introducing you.

No harm in mentioning that you were a bit sad about it and hope that you could do something in the future with them.
Original post by Admit-One
Then I wouldn’t read too much into it. His relationship with his friends may be different to yours and it may take more time for him to be comfortable introducing you.

No harm in mentioning that you were a bit sad about it and hope that you could do something in the future with them.


I think he should have invited you no matter what. The day you became his girlfriend, the day he has a relationship "commitment" to invite you for any important events in his life, including his birthday party. However, if you still celebrated his birthday separate of that occasion, then I would give him a pass, but if he did not socialise with you at all on that special day for him, with his most important person in the world (besides his friends and family), it seems like he will probably not value you that much in the future. I might be wrong, but that is my feeling based on what you have given me.
Original post by MaxiCupcake
I think he should have invited you no matter what. The day you became his girlfriend, the day he has a relationship "commitment" to invite you for any important events in his life, including his birthday party. However, if you still celebrated his birthday separate of that occasion, then I would give him a pass, but if he did not socialise with you at all on that special day for him, with his most important person in the world (besides his friends and family), it seems like he will probably not value you that much in the future. I might be wrong, but that is my feeling based on what you have given me.

(Noting that officially dating for a month does not commit someone to inviting anyone to anything), but you've replied to me rather than the thread starter.
I think it’s understandable, he has a long term social group and how they engage with each other (ie group dynamics) is fundamentally different then when you bring in romantic connections.

Just have an adult conversation it’s almost certainly possible to have a date night birthday celebration on another evening as well as hang out with his friends for his “party” celebration.
(edited 7 months ago)
Original post by MaxiCupcake
The day you became his girlfriend, the day he has a relationship "commitment" to invite you for any important events in his life,


Hmm, I dunno if it's that black & white, would you invite someone you'd been dating 1 month to a family funeral for example?
Original post by StriderHort
Hmm, I dunno if it's that black & white, would you invite someone you'd been dating 1 month to a family funeral for example?


(Not so) fun fact: I had exactly this scenario when one of my parents passed away just a few weeks into dating my current partner. They chose to attend the funeral but I certainly would not have begrudged them bowing out of that one!
Original post by Bluedevil1919
I asked my bf what he was doing for his bday and he said probably going fratting/clubbing and I asked if he would want me to be there and he said he is probably going to get really wasted with his friends, but it’s also his 21st and we haven’t been dating for that long. It kind of hurts my feelings that he wouldn’t want me to be around his friends though, since he has sort of been around mine? He is also a frat guy, and someone told me that I should have expected that. Advice? Does that mean he doesn’t really see anything serious with me or what?

He's a frat guy, that pretty much sums him up as a person and his feelings towards you.
Original post by Admit-One
(Noting that officially dating for a month does not commit someone to inviting anyone to anything), but you've replied to me rather than the thread starter.


Sorry, did not realise that. Although I agree with you, at the same time I disagree :smile:...perhaps it is more complex than we think haha
Original post by StriderHort
Hmm, I dunno if it's that black & white, would you invite someone you'd been dating 1 month to a family funeral for example?


I get your point, as it always depends how long you have known your significant other for, alongside some other factors. Funeral is quite of a more personal topic for the individual, as it is one of the saddest things to "celebrate", unlike a birthday party...
Original post by MaxiCupcake
Sorry, did not realise that. Although I agree with you, at the same time I disagree :smile:...perhaps it is more complex than we think haha


It's definitely a case-by-case thing, some might introduce them straight away but I've known others not to meet up with partners' friends/family for months or even years.
Original post by Admit-One
It's definitely a case-by-case thing, some might introduce them straight away but I've known others not to meet up with partners' friends/family for months or even years.


I would be the person who would not introduce my significant other for number of months or years to my family :biggrin:! However, that would be different for a funeral where I would like to have support from my significant other, but for the birthday party I would invite my significant other out of respect and gratitude :wink:.

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