Pls give feedback on this essay!

Hi I'd really really appreciate it somebody marked/gave feedback an excerpt from my essay, I'm taking a level politics.

Evaluate the extent to which the UK is facing a participation crisis.

A participation crisis is described as a lack of engagement within a political system where a large quadrant of people chooses not to vote or to join a political party. The significance of this is that executive decisions do not want to be taken without large enough democratic input. It is argued albeit incorrectly, that falling voter turnout is the most obvious sign that participation is failing. However the expansion of party membership and the rise of non-traditional forms of participation all attest people are turning to new ways of expression. In this essay I will argue that although participation in conventional politics may be beginning to fail, people are starting to engage in less formal ways of politics including direct action and membership of pressure groups on a large scale, which shows participation is largely present in the UK.

On one hand it can be argued that the UK is facing a participation crisis due to its falling turnout at general elections. Voter turnout is the most obvious measure of participation since the ballot is the most common way citizens express themselves politically. The average turnout at general elections 1943 to 1997 was 76 per cent, in more recent times, it has been lower, with 2001 being rock-bottom since 1919 at 59.4 per cent. A cause of this may be a growing negative perception of politicians, which can be seen, for example in the 2010 government U-turning on its pledge to abolish tuition fees which the Liberal Democrats had promised in their manifesto. Instead, tripling them by the end of the year and would see the Liberal Democrats supporting a raft of right-wing policies. The consequence of this was wide dislike of the party, manifesting itself in the rejection of AV seen as a way of registering a protest against the government. It is important to note only 42.2 per cent of the electorate participated in the referendum, further evidence that political participation has dwindled. Another reason why the turnout of the electorate may be decreasing is that volume of elections has increased since the creation of elections for devolved bodies, resulting in disinterest. The decline in political participation and interest is evident in the decrease of political engagement and lower voter turnout especially for ‘second order’ elections.

On the other hand it can be argued that taking voter-turnout at face value is not an indication that the UK is experiencing a political crisis. The cause of low voter turnout in 2001 may likely have been due to hapathy – a combination of the words ‘happiness’ and ‘apathy’. During this time the economy was booming and presumably levels of contentment were much higher. This is in stark contrast to the 2010 general election which occurred during a much less optimistic economic background, the 2008 recession, and naturally it incurred a higher turnout. This suggests during more critical issues affecting the country, people will still express a view hence participation is not in jeopardy. Some examples of this include the September 2014 referendum which saw an 84.6 per cent turnout while 72.2 per cent of the electorate took part in the June 2016 referendum. Voter turnout is also dependant on the issue at stake, which means that a lower voter turnout is not a sign of an unhealthy democracy and may just reflect the perceived importance of the issue at hand. It is thus argued incorrectly that falling voter turnout is a signpost of a participation crisis.

Reply 1

erikawhite

3

Overall, your essay has a clear and organized structure, and your arguments are well-supported with evidence. However, there are a few areas where you could improve:

Provide definitions for key terms: Although you define a participation crisis, you don't define other terms that are important to your argument, such as direct action and pressure groups. It would be helpful to provide a brief explanation of these terms for readers who may not be familiar with them.

Be careful with your language: In a few places, you make definitive statements that are not fully supported by your evidence. For example, when you argue that "people are starting to engage in less formal ways of politics," you provide evidence for direct action and pressure groups, but you don't demonstrate that these forms of participation are widespread or increasing. To avoid over-generalizing, you might consider rephrasing to say that "some people are turning to new ways of expression."

Consider alternative explanations: When you argue that low voter turnout may be due to hapathy, you provide a plausible explanation, but you don't acknowledge other possible reasons, such as voter suppression or disengagement with the political system as a whole. To strengthen your argument, you could consider alternative explanations and explain why you think your explanation is the most likely.

Overall, your essay shows promise, and with some refinement, it could be an effective argument for your position.

Reply 2

EddieeeeBoy

OP

3

Original post by erikawhite

Overall, your essay has a clear and organized structure, and your arguments are well-supported with evidence. However, there are a few areas where you could improve:

Provide definitions for key terms: Although you define a participation crisis, you don't define other terms that are important to your argument, such as direct action and pressure groups. It would be helpful to provide a brief explanation of these terms for readers who may not be familiar with them.

Be careful with your language: In a few places, you make definitive statements that are not fully supported by your evidence. For example, when you argue that "people are starting to engage in less formal ways of politics," you provide evidence for direct action and pressure groups, but you don't demonstrate that these forms of participation are widespread or increasing. To avoid over-generalizing, you might consider rephrasing to say that "some people are turning to new ways of expression."

Consider alternative explanations: When you argue that low voter turnout may be due to hapathy, you provide a plausible explanation, but you don't acknowledge other possible reasons, such as voter suppression or disengagement with the political system as a whole. To strengthen your argument, you could consider alternative explanations and explain why you think your explanation is the most likely.

Overall, your essay shows promise, and with some refinement, it could be an effective argument for your position.

Thanks so much! I didn't expect such a detailed reply in such a short time. God bless you lad.

Reply 3

EddieeeeBoy

OP

3

Original post by erikawhite

Overall, your essay has a clear and organized structure, and your arguments are well-supported with evidence. However, there are a few areas where you could improve:

Provide definitions for key terms: Although you define a participation crisis, you don't define other terms that are important to your argument, such as direct action and pressure groups. It would be helpful to provide a brief explanation of these terms for readers who may not be familiar with them.

Be careful with your language: In a few places, you make definitive statements that are not fully supported by your evidence. For example, when you argue that "people are starting to engage in less formal ways of politics," you provide evidence for direct action and pressure groups, but you don't demonstrate that these forms of participation are widespread or increasing. To avoid over-generalizing, you might consider rephrasing to say that "some people are turning to new ways of expression."

Consider alternative explanations: When you argue that low voter turnout may be due to hapathy, you provide a plausible explanation, but you don't acknowledge other possible reasons, such as voter suppression or disengagement with the political system as a whole. To strengthen your argument, you could consider alternative explanations and explain why you think your explanation is the most likely.

Overall, your essay shows promise, and with some refinement, it could be an effective argument for your position.