The Student Room Group

Forbidden romance — what do we do?

Hi! I’m (21F) in a 1 and a bit year relationship with an amazing guy (21M) that’s been going so so well, we never argue, we think the same way, we want the same things in life etc… all our friends say we act like husband and wife. We’re at University together and approaching our last year.

The only thing is that his parents don’t approve because of a difference in culture. He tried to tell them after we’d been dating for 10 months but they said it was not allowed and that it was either our relationship or them. He explained I’ve been learning about the culture, love him so much and that we really care for each other. They won’t budge and insist on him finding someone of the same culture, saying he’ll forget me eventually and to move on. Could they be right?

We’ve continued seeing each other since and tried to break up twice with no success since we love each other so much and keep finding our way back. We find it really hard to let go since we feel we have no fault in our relationship other than external factors, and still really care about each other. His whole family thinks we’ve broken up.

His parents found out we were still seeing each other a few months after initially telling them the news, and were even more upset so we can’t risk them finding out again.

We really don’t know what to do since he can’t afford to lose his family but also doesn’t want to lose me since we fit so well together, and we both are so perfect for each other in every other way. He says it’s either me or no one, and I feel the same way: there really isn’t anyone else we’ll click so well with.

Is there a way around this if his parents can’t be convinced? Is there anything we should do? Is it hopeless for us to hold on despite being such a good match?

We are also going separate ways geographically next year, so, if we are to call it, when is the best time (due to exams in May and June)? Too soon and we’ll miss each other lots while we’re only 10 mins away from each other, too late and we’ll possibly compromise exams and will be apart when things get difficult:

We really don’t want to end things and have a feeling we’ll find our way back to each other as we have done previous times if we break up again, so what should we do? We both feel we have to break the cycle eventually but I really want to be with him and he wants to be with me.

Should we move on even though we really love each other? Should we keep seeing each other in secret for another year until we have to move away? Is there any hope for us in the future worth waiting for?
(edited 8 months ago)
Reply 1
Original post by stuckstudent2023
Hi! I’m (21F) in a 1 and a bit year relationship with an amazing guy (21M) that’s been going so so well, we never argue, we think the same way, we want the same things in life etc… all our friends say we act like husband and wife. We’re at University together and approaching our last year.

The only thing is that his parents don’t approve because of a difference in culture. He tried to tell them after we’d been dating for 10 months but they said it was not allowed and that it was either our relationship or them. He explained I’ve been learning about the culture, love him so much and that we really care for each other. They won’t budge and insist on him finding someone of the same culture, saying he’ll forget me eventually and to move on. Could they be right?

We’ve continued seeing each other since and tried to break up twice with no success since we love each other so much and keep finding our way back. We find it really hard to let go since we feel we have no fault in our relationship other than external factors, and still really care about each other. His whole family thinks we’ve broken up.

His parents found out we were still seeing each other a few months after initially telling them the news, and were even more upset so we can’t risk them finding out again.

We really don’t know what to do since he can’t afford to lose his family but also doesn’t want to lose me since we fit so well together, and we both are so perfect for each other in every other way. He says it’s either me or no one, and I feel the same way: there really isn’t anyone else we’ll click so well with.

Is there a way around this if his parents can’t be convinced? Is there anything we should do? Is it hopeless for us to hold on despite being such a good match?

We are also going separate ways geographically next year, so, if we are to call it, when is the best time (due to exams in May and June)? Too soon and we’ll miss each other lots while we’re only 10 mins away from each other, too late and we’ll possibly compromise exams and will be apart when things get difficult:

We really don’t want to end things and have a feeling we’ll find our way back to each other as we have done previous times if we break up again, so what should we do? We both feel we have to break the cycle eventually but I really want to be with him and he wants to be with me.

Should we move on even though we really love each other? Should we keep seeing each other in secret for another year until we have to move away? Is there any hope for us in the future worth waiting for?


this must be such a difficult situation to be in, i'm so sorry :frown: personally i would keep dating him in secret, it sounds like you two are really perfectly matched, and while parents are important, they should never stand in the way of what sounds like a really healthy relationship that makes you both happy. i've never been in this situation, so i don't know how else i would handle it or how to help in any other way (also please take all of this with a pinch of salt), but my instincts are telling me that the most important thing you can do is to not let someone so important to you go. i really hope his parents come around and that things get easier for you guys soon <3
Reply 2
Original post by stuckstudent2023
Hi! I’m (21F) in a 1 and a bit year relationship with an amazing guy (21M) that’s been going so so well, we never argue, we think the same way, we want the same things in life etc… all our friends say we act like husband and wife. We’re at University together and approaching our last year.

The only thing is that his parents don’t approve because of a difference in culture. He tried to tell them after we’d been dating for 10 months but they said it was not allowed and that it was either our relationship or them. He explained I’ve been learning about the culture, love him so much and that we really care for each other. They won’t budge and insist on him finding someone of the same culture, saying he’ll forget me eventually and to move on. Could they be right?

We’ve continued seeing each other since and tried to break up twice with no success since we love each other so much and keep finding our way back. We find it really hard to let go since we feel we have no fault in our relationship other than external factors, and still really care about each other. His whole family thinks we’ve broken up.

His parents found out we were still seeing each other a few months after initially telling them the news, and were even more upset so we can’t risk them finding out again.

We really don’t know what to do since he can’t afford to lose his family but also doesn’t want to lose me since we fit so well together, and we both are so perfect for each other in every other way. He says it’s either me or no one, and I feel the same way: there really isn’t anyone else we’ll click so well with.

Is there a way around this if his parents can’t be convinced? Is there anything we should do? Is it hopeless for us to hold on despite being such a good match?

We are also going separate ways geographically next year, so, if we are to call it, when is the best time (due to exams in May and June)? Too soon and we’ll miss each other lots while we’re only 10 mins away from each other, too late and we’ll possibly compromise exams and will be apart when things get difficult:

We really don’t want to end things and have a feeling we’ll find our way back to each other as we have done previous times if we break up again, so what should we do? We both feel we have to break the cycle eventually but I really want to be with him and he wants to be with me.

Should we move on even though we really love each other? Should we keep seeing each other in secret for another year until we have to move away? Is there any hope for us in the future worth waiting for?


You'll be ten minutes apart? That's not a long distance relationship, I don't think you should think about it that much. There are arguments for both your side and his parents'. People I know have ditched their family to be with someone (not because of culture though) and it makes me angry, but equally when parents are being unreasonable (which is how I feel about his parents) than it is justified. Keep on dating him. I don't know what cultural issues make your love forbidden but most people are able to put culture behind them when they need to be reasonable - but not all people.
Reply 3
Bump
i agree with @Chassserz one baby bump and suddenly theirs nothing ur parents can do
Reply 5
Original post by stuckstudent2023
Hi! I’m (21F) in a 1 and a bit year relationship with an amazing guy (21M) that’s been going so so well, we never argue, we think the same way, we want the same things in life etc… all our friends say we act like husband and wife. We’re at University together and approaching our last year.

The only thing is that his parents don’t approve because of a difference in culture. He tried to tell them after we’d been dating for 10 months but they said it was not allowed and that it was either our relationship or them. He explained I’ve been learning about the culture, love him so much and that we really care for each other. They won’t budge and insist on him finding someone of the same culture, saying he’ll forget me eventually and to move on. Could they be right?

We’ve continued seeing each other since and tried to break up twice with no success since we love each other so much and keep finding our way back. We find it really hard to let go since we feel we have no fault in our relationship other than external factors, and still really care about each other. His whole family thinks we’ve broken up.

His parents found out we were still seeing each other a few months after initially telling them the news, and were even more upset so we can’t risk them finding out again.

We really don’t know what to do since he can’t afford to lose his family but also doesn’t want to lose me since we fit so well together, and we both are so perfect for each other in every other way. He says it’s either me or no one, and I feel the same way: there really isn’t anyone else we’ll click so well with.

Is there a way around this if his parents can’t be convinced? Is there anything we should do? Is it hopeless for us to hold on despite being such a good match?

We are also going separate ways geographically next year, so, if we are to call it, when is the best time (due to exams in May and June)? Too soon and we’ll miss each other lots while we’re only 10 mins away from each other, too late and we’ll possibly compromise exams and will be apart when things get difficult:

We really don’t want to end things and have a feeling we’ll find our way back to each other as we have done previous times if we break up again, so what should we do? We both feel we have to break the cycle eventually but I really want to be with him and he wants to be with me.

Should we move on even though we really love each other? Should we keep seeing each other in secret for another year until we have to move away? Is there any hope for us in the future worth waiting for?

Have his parents ever met you? Which cultures are we talking about - they sound racist.

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