Hello,
I'm a nursing student, 2nd year- moving to third, Right now I'm on my 6 week placement for the summer. I hate it.
I don't know if I hate it all the time or if I just hate specific placement areas.
In first year I enjoyed my first placement a lot. I loved the team, they were very student friendly and a very small, tight knit crew.
The second placement I absolutely hated. It was in the summer too. Looking back at it, there was a lot of senior nurse superiority and treating students like slaves but the NQNs and other students were great and it wasn't all that bad. But for some reason I hated it.
Then the start of second year, I enjoyed my first placement in October. I saw the kind of nurse I wanted to be- that is if I managed to be one. But I missed my first couple of shifts because I was sick and then when I recovered I had a panic attack about going in which sent me into the same slump that I'm having now.
The next placement I hardly went in than what I felt like as my grandfather had just passed away.
This time. I was sick my first week. Then on the next shift I attended (it was a night). I had a panic attack on the way there in the middle of the streets. Told myself to stop overreacting. Mustered the courage to go into the ward and the nurse told me to change in the toilets. I had another panic attack and cried and heaved and didn't know what to do. Then someone started knocking and it brought me back I guess and I stopped fixed myself up. I felt like running out the ward and going home. I stayed, was assigned a lovely Nurse. She asked what I wanted to do as if was my first shift and allowed me to mainly observe. It wasn't very busy on our end and she was hoping other nurses out as we were very short staffed. She sent me on break as there was nothing to do and I accepted. Worst mistake. as soon as I stepped outside of the ward I cried so hard. I called my mum and my texted my friend who was just checking up. I told myself that Im already here and might as well continue. and once its 12am I can't leave anyways as there'd be no way to get home.
I came back into the ward and felt like puking and crying. I told my nurse I felt sick and wanted to go home. I didn't attend the rest of my shifts that week.
my mum asked me the next day what I wanted to do as this is the second time I had chickened out. she said it'd be a waste of 2 years to drop out now. I know I can drop out whenever and whatnot. her saying that did make me a little upset, but it wasn't that deep.
I have a shift tomorrow. Heart is racing. I don't want to have to give myself a pep talk every time I need to go in for a shift. When I think about the future I don't see myself staying in the NHS or in nursing. I talk bad about it and see no happiness there. I told myself just stick it out and maybe u can do health visiting or school nursing or something else. But I don't know if I'm smart enough to be a health visitor and if I can stick it out long enough to get this degree.
I'm missing a decade long of hours. I don't know when and if I'll be able to make it up. I don't know what to do. my mum never told me what to do or what not to do in terms of careers and education. its a blessing I know but sometimes I wish she did.
please tell me what to do. pretty please. just tell me if I should or if I shouldn't. tell me what to do.
I don't know what other areas I'm interested in. up until now all I ever cared about was healthcare. It was doctor, psychiatrist, midwife, nurse. I think I hate it now but I don't know. I don't know anything. please just tell me what to do I'm begging you.