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Pregnant & no partner

I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.

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Reply 1
I say the best thing is to speak with him about it to let him know you are pregnant as well as to have someone to speak with about it and then research all the options there are for your pregnancy
Original post by Anonymous
I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.


Well done for being brave to speak about it even too behind anon. Best advice would be first to reveal the news to your ex I would then get support for his mental health if that meant discussion with a general practitioner, and as he’s the father to your baby, and since your pregnant with his child I would make a joint discussion sat down over what to do it is essential that you reach out to him.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.


I’m also not on any form of birth control and afterwards we weren’t phased by it and we said we’ve gone through so much **** together that this is nothing and we’re now broken up and I kinda wanna keep it but argh I’m spiralling LMFAO slayy!!!
Original post by Anonymous
I’m also not on any form of birth control and afterwards we weren’t phased by it and we said we’ve gone through so much **** together that this is nothing and we’re now broken up and I kinda wanna keep it but argh I’m spiralling LMFAO slayy!!!


So you want to keep the child discuss it with him it’s only right that you do that at the same time take into consideration the upbringing of the child financial stability and also accommodation too.
Reply 5
Original post by Mohammed_80
Well done for being brave to speak about it even too behind anon. Best advice would be first to reveal the news to your ex I would then get support for his mental health if that meant discussion with a general practitioner, and as he’s the father to your baby, and since your pregnant with his child I would make a joint discussion sat down over what to do it is essential that you reach out to him.

me and my ex are still in contact and we’re friends. We had a conversation yesterday and we both agreed that when the time is right we will try again once we are more healed. Before we broke up he started getting help but it’s now backfired on him and social services involved etc and he’s now very clammed up and I’m just reminding him that he doesn’t need to mask the whole time and that he can still come to me. I’ve just messaged him this morning to tell him.
Reply 6
Original post by Mohammed_80
So you want to keep the child discuss it with him it’s only right that you do that at the same time take into consideration the upbringing of the child financial stability and also accommodation too.


yeah I will but I feel bad because he’s been going through so much for the past couple of months and I don’t want this to make it worse
Unless single motherhood is something that particularly grabs you then I would seriously consider an abortion. In addition consider that unless you're particularly attractive most if not all other guys are going to be put off getting with you. Few guys want to clean up after another guys sex life by bringing up someone else's kid.

If you got pregnant by one guy then you can get pregnant by another so better getting pregnant by a guy who is not a mental health wreck who may never get it together or go off with some other woman. Is there any chance that his mental health problems may be passed on to the baby? i.e is it genetic.

Also consider that it's a great responsibility bringing up a baby. He obviously is going to be a non starter in that so it will be all down to you. Financially I assume he has no capacity to provide and you would be looking after the kid so unless your parents, etc are willing to step in then I'm guessing it will all be living in the welfare state and that isn't great.

If there was some go in a relationship then I wouldn't usually comment as I don't like to have any sway over who gets put in this planet or not. To some extent there is no telling what will work out well and what won't in terms of people having kids but I don't think you are in a great position here and should consider an abortion particularly as it is at such an early stage.

Is there a chance that you could find a better dating prospect who you could have kids with in the future instead?
Original post by Anonymous
me and my ex are still in contact and we’re friends. We had a conversation yesterday and we both agreed that when the time is right we will try again once we are more healed. Before we broke up he started getting help but it’s now backfired on him and social services involved etc and he’s now very clammed up and I’m just reminding him that he doesn’t need to mask the whole time and that he can still come to me. I’ve just messaged him this morning to tell him.

If social services are involved for him then it's elling me he is a real state. I personally wouldn't want a kid by a guy who was such a state particularly if the outlook was that he would never improve, unlikely too, or reoccurring problem. Also consider whether he is on drugs if he does that as that is a real issue potentially if he is? What is his mental health issue exactly?
Reply 9
Original post by Katerina S.
If social services are involved for him then it's elling me he is a real state. I personally wouldn't want a kid by a guy who was such a state particularly if the outlook was that he would never improve, unlikely too, or reoccurring problem. Also consider whether he is on drugs if he does that as that is a real issue potentially if he is? What is his mental health issue exactly?

im not going to go into the full extents of that as I don’t feel comfortable but he has a lot of trauma. He recently went through a traumatic experience when he was away on holiday with his family and it has very much impacted him. The reason why social services are involved is because something happened to him when he was 12 years old it has nothing to do with what is happening rn. He needs support and I’m trying to help him as much as I can but he doesn’t want support he tells me I’m waisting my time when I know I’m not he’s the one I want to spend my life with. I don’t care how long it takes I want him to be happy and I want to do whatever I can to help him. Yes he is taking drugs but that’s only very recent because he is struggling with what happened to him when he was on holiday, he’s not an addict he’s not a drugee he’s struggling a lot.
Reply 10
Original post by Katerina S.
Unless single motherhood is something that particularly grabs you then I would seriously consider an abortion. In addition consider that unless you're particularly attractive most if not all other guys are going to be put off getting with you. Few guys want to clean up after another guys sex life by bringing up someone else's kid.

If you got pregnant by one guy then you can get pregnant by another so better getting pregnant by a guy who is not a mental health wreck who may never get it together or go off with some other woman. Is there any chance that his mental health problems may be passed on to the baby? i.e is it genetic.

Also consider that it's a great responsibility bringing up a baby. He obviously is going to be a non starter in that so it will be all down to you. Financially I assume he has no capacity to provide and you would be looking after the kid so unless your parents, etc are willing to step in then I'm guessing it will all be living in the welfare state and that isn't great.

If there was some go in a relationship then I wouldn't usually comment as I don't like to have any sway over who gets put in this planet or not. To some extent there is no telling what will work out well and what won't in terms of people having kids but I don't think you are in a great position here and should consider an abortion particularly as it is at such an early stage.

Is there a chance that you could find a better dating prospect who you could have kids with in the future instead?

no single motherhood does not grab me funnily enough I don’t care if guys aren’t into me because no guy I’ve met but him has been worth my time. My ex healed me in ways he doesn’t even realise. He made me be a better person he always encouraged me to be better to do better etc. He is not a “wreck” he is struggling and I think anyone would be struggling if they have had to deal with what he been through. No his mental health problems wouldn’t be passed onto the baby, he has some unhealed trauma which he is in denial about. In financial aspects he is fine he gets paid well and so do I.
Original post by Anonymous
no single motherhood does not grab me funnily enough I don’t care if guys aren’t into me because no guy I’ve met but him has been worth my time. My ex healed me in ways he doesn’t even realise. He made me be a better person he always encouraged me to be better to do better etc. He is not a “wreck” he is struggling and I think anyone would be struggling if they have had to deal with what he been through. No his mental health problems wouldn’t be passed onto the baby, he has some unhealed trauma which he is in denial about. In financial aspects he is fine he gets paid well and so do I.


You're 17! How well can a 17 year old be paid? Most youngsters in their late teens work in low paid supermarket jobs, restaurant jobs, fast food jobs, etc. Very few people your age earn good money. You may think it is good compared to when you were a child but for bringing up a child it can take a lot of you are providing for that child yourself.

Surprise, surprise the guy is on drugs. Drugs are never any answer to a bad situation. Odds are he could go downhill more from here. Do you really want his child if he may not get better but worse?

Bad situations happen to many people in life it's very difficult when it happens but turning to drugs just makes things worse. I would say don't try to 'fix' a guy that isn't right, leave that to the professionals. Even if you stick with him it's highly unlikely that you will have fixed him. Many girls fall into that trap that they try to fix a guy who cannot be fixed. It sounds like he is giving you the hint that it's a no go, I would take it and really seriously consider if you want to keep this baby. Once you have it you will be tied to a guy who doesn't seem to want to know or likely to be in any fit state in the future to be much use at all.
Reply 12
Original post by Katerina S.
You're 17! How well can a 17 year old be paid? Most youngsters in their late teens work in low paid supermarket jobs, restaurant jobs, fast food jobs, etc. Very few people your age earn good money. You may think it is good compared to when you were a child but for bringing up a child it can take a lot of you are providing for that child yourself.

Surprise, surprise the guy is on drugs. Drugs are never any answer to a bad situation. Odds are he could go downhill more from here. Do you really want his child if he may not get better but worse?

Bad situations happen to many people in life it's very difficult when it happens but turning to drugs just makes things worse. I would say don't try to 'fix' a guy that isn't right, leave that to the professionals. Even if you stick with him it's highly unlikely that you will have fixed him. Many girls fall into that trap that they try to fix a guy who cannot be fixed. It sounds like he is giving you the hint that it's a no go, I would take it and really seriously consider if you want to keep this baby. Once you have it youwill be tied to a guy who doesn't seem to want to know or likely to be in any fit state in the future to be much use at all.


AHAHAHAHHA STOP NOT THE TELLING ME “I CANT FIX HIM” I SCREAMED. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a “fix him girl”. I’m actually ****ing myself😭😭😭😭. I’m paid £13.80 an hour and working 40-48 hours a week. So no i am being paid well for my age. They said when I’m 18 they want me to be a manager and I’d be on 26,000 yearly. I know drugs aren’t the answer to problems I myself almost got addicted but I stopped myself so I know what it’s like. I know he’s going to get better he just needs to be pushed into getting help he’s not helpless or a lost cause.
So basically you both were drug addicts?
Original post by Anonymous
I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do because it doesn’t feel right getting rid of it but I’m so young so I’m just a bit scared as I’m only 17.


First of all, I’m rlly sorry for you, darling. I was in situation like yours, so I want to give you some advises. The first few months of motherhood, breast-feeding and baby-feeding will be a little scary, but over time you will become a pro at it. A newborn mother needs the best care in the world, because she herself provides the best care for her newborn baby. I wasn't ready for motherhood at all, so I had to use the Internet. I had to look for the simplest things in the forums. It was difficult, but I managed. When my child grew up, the only problem was to entertain him. I sometimes let him watch YouTube with educational channels, and printed coloring pages from sites like Winder kiddy. This has greatly simplified our lives, as educational toys are expensive. But if you can afford them, it will be better for the child. As the years go by, you will see that your child will be the source of your strength and happiness, and I wish you all a happy life.
Original post by Anonymous
AHAHAHAHHA STOP NOT THE TELLING ME “I CANT FIX HIM” I SCREAMED. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a “fix him girl”. I’m actually ****ing myself😭😭😭😭. I’m paid £13.80 an hour and working 40-48 hours a week. So no i am being paid well for my age. They said when I’m 18 they want me to be a manager and I’d be on 26,000 yearly. I know drugs aren’t the answer to problems I myself almost got addicted but I stopped myself so I know what it’s like. I know he’s going to get better he just needs to be pushed into getting help he’s not helpless or a lost cause.


You earn above the minimum wage and not bad for your age but it's still not high pay. It doesn't necessarily need to be but if you have a child I don't see how it would come first, either you would go back to work and it would be dumped in nursery/child care or you would not be working and be in the welfare state. Then as you state you've both done drugs, drugs can come back as a reoccurring theme. Are you sure either of you are long term stable enough in finances and mind to have a child?

Children are a big long term commitment. You say you've broken up with him and that's not a good start when having a child. Are you likely to get back together? If you have his child you are likely to be tied to him to some extent even if you are no longer a couple even if you both end up with different partners. The child's father will biologically be him.

I wouldn't say 100 percent don't have the child that's up to you but could this end up another case of long term single mother situation with him ending up not featuring much in the child's life as the child grows up?
Original post by Anonymous
im not going to go into the full extents of that as I don’t feel comfortable but he has a lot of trauma. He recently went through a traumatic experience when he was away on holiday with his family and it has very much impacted him. The reason why social services are involved is because something happened to him when he was 12 years old it has nothing to do with what is happening rn. He needs support and I’m trying to help him as much as I can but he doesn’t want support he tells me I’m waisting my time when I know I’m not he’s the one I want to spend my life with. I don’t care how long it takes I want him to be happy and I want to do whatever I can to help him. Yes he is taking drugs but that’s only very recent because he is struggling with what happened to him when he was on holiday, he’s not an addict he’s not a drugee he’s struggling a lot.


Original post by Anonymous
I feel like I’m going to get very much judged for this but me and my boyfriend broke up almost a week ago and before we broke up on the 27th July we had unprotected sex and he didn’t pull out (it was consentual and no that wasn’t the reason why we broke up) we broke up because his mental health is rapidly declining and he’s loosing himself and I’m kinda spiralling because I’m single and I’m pregnant and I don’t know just a bit scared as I’m only 17.

I wouldn’t recommend you get an abortion as you seem a bit unsure and that is something you will seriously regret if you are already unsure. Also don’t think about anyone but yourself and the baby and the dad, ignore the person who said you will be single for the rest of ur life as other men don’t want to clean up your mess. If he doesn’t want to get involved and you are not stable to raise the baby, you can give it up for adoption and meet when you’re ready. You could help other families from a bad situation! If you are stable enough, this child can also be a blessing you never know.
Original post by Katerina S.
You're 17! How well can a 17 year old be paid? Most youngsters in their late teens work in low paid supermarket jobs, restaurant jobs, fast food jobs, etc. Very few people your age earn good money. You may think it is good compared to when you were a child but for bringing up a child it can take a lot of you are providing for that child yourself.

Surprise, surprise the guy is on drugs. Drugs are never any answer to a bad situation. Odds are he could go downhill more from here. Do you really want his child if he may not get better but worse?

Bad situations happen to many people in life it's very difficult when it happens but turning to drugs just makes things worse. I would say don't try to 'fix' a guy that isn't right, leave that to the professionals. Even if you stick with him it's highly unlikely that you will have fixed him. Many girls fall into that trap that they try to fix a guy who cannot be fixed. It sounds like he is giving you the hint that it's a no go, I would take it and really seriously consider if you want to keep this baby. Once you have it you will be tied to a guy who doesn't seem to want to know or likely to be in any fit state in the future to be much use at all.


This is quite pessimistic, a lot of youngsters are paid decently. It’s not the worst most horrific thing being single and on well fare as your previous post said, most of the population is for a while. Just because the dad isn’t a great partner, it shouldn’t push her for an abortion. She needs to seriously talk to family members and consider how this baby will be impact her and the responsibilities that come.
Original post by Anonymous
AHAHAHAHHA STOP NOT THE TELLING ME “I CANT FIX HIM” I SCREAMED. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a “fix him girl”. I’m actually ****ing myself😭😭😭😭. I’m paid £13.80 an hour and working 40-48 hours a week. So no i am being paid well for my age. They said when I’m 18 they want me to be a manager and I’d be on 26,000 yearly. I know drugs aren’t the answer to problems I myself almost got addicted but I stopped myself so I know what it’s like. I know he’s going to get better he just needs to be pushed into getting help he’s not helpless or a lost cause.

Damn £13.80 is excellent for your age, i earn under that and work for the NHS at 21💀 What do you work as?
Reply 19
Original post by Mohammed_80
So basically you both were drug addicts?

I wasn’t addicted but I almost was but I got myself out of there I started coping with things better. I cut off people who influenced it and started focusing on my mental well-being as well as physical. So now instead of drugs after a tough day I go to the gym and if I can’t go to the gym I go on a walk find somewhere quiet and just cry.

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