Context: I am queer. I'm not sexually attracted to people unless I have an emotional connection with them, and even then it is passing and weak. I don't know if I experience romantic attraction or not, but I do experience platonic, aesthetic and intellectual attraction. I like using the split attraction model to define my experience. I fit under the aro-ace umbrella as a pan-demisexual, but I don't like this label to describe myself. I'm AMAB, technically cis, no gender dysphoria, but I'm not completely comfortable identifying as a man. Overall, I prefer calling myself queer.
To the point, I'm figuring out my feelings and what I might want in a relationship. I wanted to talk about the fact that I have two friends, one a man and one a woman. I first experienced a small amount of sexual attraction and lots of intellectual-platonic attraction to the woman, let's call her 'L', about two months ago after we bonded over a shared experience. Feeling the sexual attraction took 2-3 weeks after the bonding. More recently, and still feeling attracted to L, in the past 1-2 weeks I have experienced strong aesthetic and platonic attraction to the man, let's call him 'H', and I wonder if sexual attraction will come soon? I am 20 years old and this is the first time I have experienced any kind of attraction to people, and it is really confusing. Like, I don't know if I want to 'go out' with either of them (not at the same time though), or have sex with them or even kiss them. If I did, I wouldn't know how to express my interest in this so that they would understand, considering they are both allosexual, and/or know if they were interested back, as due to a mixture of being autistic and technically 'aro-ace', I am immune to normative flirting. I have been told in the past that someone was flirting with me (usually a man) and I had no idea, I just thought they were being friendly! One step at a time, knowing what I want is more important and I think this will take me more time, by hanging out with them and reflecting afterwards. It'd be amazing to be friends with both of them if they weren't interested in *whatever it is I might be interested in*: I would really respect what both of them wanted. However, the problem is I don't know if I would be able to figure it out if they did want *whatever it is I might want* too, or even in a modified form.
I think what I should do is wait until I know exactly what I want with either L or H (whoever I end up being more attracted to and more desirous to enter a relationship with, if at all). Then I guess I should be explicit about what I want?
Does anybody have any thoughts or personal experiences of being asexual that might be relevant? Because it feels like I have been thrown in the deep end after realising my identity and I have no idea what to do. Nobody teaches you about this!