Talking stage advice please

I am awful at texting on apps. I get matches but always mess it up texting- I’m thinking about deleting them all. I’m not a natural conversationalist irl either. I feel comfortable talking with people I know well. All the friends I have now all thought I hated them when they first met me- I just struggle to talk/ stop being shy but it comes across as me being rude? Anyway- it’s the same with dating I think, the tone I text in seems rude idk what’s wrong with me.

Someone I dated (that I met irl through friends) said they thought I hated them at first too- my friend had to reassure them that I liked them. Friends always tell the person I crush on that I like them and then they approach me- I don’t want to rely on friends anymore though.

Seriously questioning if I have autism atm because I struggle to understand peoples emotions and facial expressions and seem to not pick up social queues, I was tested as a child but they said I wasn’t autistic but that was 17 years ago and I’m female so maybe the result would be different now after lots of research development? But yeah- any advice would be great

Reply 1

DocCyber

Original post by Anonymous

Okay, context is important here… I am older, doing a PhD, and you sound like me at your age. I am male, and clearly on the spectrum but bright enough to hide it in many (but not all) contexts.
Part of the issue with romantic stuff is that it hits us later in life, after our habits and behaviours are a bit more set. Dating apps are likely to confound us because they appear rule based, but are effectively an attempt at poorly digitising the bits of communication people like us sometimes struggle with.

This does not make you a lost cause, or mean there’s anything wrong with you… you’re likely to love more deeply and have more fun over the next few years than people who do the shallow stuff well. Say hi sometime and there’s a coffee/listening session in this for you if you just want to say all this to someone who won’t judge and will get it.