I'm applying to maths and physics for uni and currently working on my personal statement and got feedback from my teachers saying this paragraph about maths is a bit list liking and i dont really know how to change it can anyone help with it:

I have always been passionate in Maths because it is universally undeniable and it serves as the foundation of almost everything. I have enjoyed exploring topics beyond the A-level curriculum. Over the summer I read 'Beyond Infinity' by Eugenia Cheng, which approached the subject of infinity using set theory and transfinite arithmetic in an elementary way. I also enrolled in 'Combinatorial Mathematics' by Tsinghua University where I had a brief study of counting algorithms of discrete objects and was introduced to mathematical analysis, set theory, again was mentioned alongside group theory and number theory. My interest in the real-world applications of mathematics led me to a course tittled 'Calculus applied' by Harvard University, where calculus was linked to subjects like Economics and Physics such as how it relates to Einstein's energy-mass equation. In order to understand this section I did more research on Taylor Polynomials, the section explained E=mc^2 and how Taylor approximation helped us to better understand it.

I have always been passionate in Maths because it is universally undeniable and it serves as the foundation of almost everything. I have enjoyed exploring topics beyond the A-level curriculum. Over the summer I read 'Beyond Infinity' by Eugenia Cheng, which approached the subject of infinity using set theory and transfinite arithmetic in an elementary way. I also enrolled in 'Combinatorial Mathematics' by Tsinghua University where I had a brief study of counting algorithms of discrete objects and was introduced to mathematical analysis, set theory, again was mentioned alongside group theory and number theory. My interest in the real-world applications of mathematics led me to a course tittled 'Calculus applied' by Harvard University, where calculus was linked to subjects like Economics and Physics such as how it relates to Einstein's energy-mass equation. In order to understand this section I did more research on Taylor Polynomials, the section explained E=mc^2 and how Taylor approximation helped us to better understand it.

Hi

So what you need to do is rather than just say what book you have read, you need to make a comment on it. So for example with Cheng’s “Beyond infinity” , you don’t need to describe the book, because they should know about it and if they don’t they can look it up. Don’t waste characters. So something like :

Reading Cheng’s”Beyond infinity” made me realise….. or whatever interesting comment you can make about your opinion on the book.

Again with the university program that you were involved in, you need to spend less time descrbing what you did and more time describing why you found it interesting and what you took away from it.

And so on, for everything you have done or read, dont describe it in detail. The maths and physics experts who read your paper will know , it is fine to assume that they have that knowledge, but you need to give opinions and comment on everything that you have done.

Otherwise your teacher is right, you are just listing books you have read and things you have done without giving any opinions or reflections on them.

Good luck 😊

So what you need to do is rather than just say what book you have read, you need to make a comment on it. So for example with Cheng’s “Beyond infinity” , you don’t need to describe the book, because they should know about it and if they don’t they can look it up. Don’t waste characters. So something like :

Reading Cheng’s”Beyond infinity” made me realise….. or whatever interesting comment you can make about your opinion on the book.

Again with the university program that you were involved in, you need to spend less time descrbing what you did and more time describing why you found it interesting and what you took away from it.

And so on, for everything you have done or read, dont describe it in detail. The maths and physics experts who read your paper will know , it is fine to assume that they have that knowledge, but you need to give opinions and comment on everything that you have done.

Otherwise your teacher is right, you are just listing books you have read and things you have done without giving any opinions or reflections on them.

Good luck 😊

Original post by ohauh

I'm applying to maths and physics for uni and currently working on my personal statement and got feedback from my teachers saying this paragraph about maths is a bit list liking and i dont really know how to change it can anyone help with it:

I have always been passionate in Maths because it is universally undeniable and it serves as the foundation of almost everything. I have enjoyed exploring topics beyond the A-level curriculum. Over the summer I read 'Beyond Infinity' by Eugenia Cheng, which approached the subject of infinity using set theory and transfinite arithmetic in an elementary way. I also enrolled in 'Combinatorial Mathematics' by Tsinghua University where I had a brief study of counting algorithms of discrete objects and was introduced to mathematical analysis, set theory, again was mentioned alongside group theory and number theory. My interest in the real-world applications of mathematics led me to a course tittled 'Calculus applied' by Harvard University, where calculus was linked to subjects like Economics and Physics such as how it relates to Einstein's energy-mass equation. In order to understand this section I did more research on Taylor Polynomials, the section explained E=mc^2 and how Taylor approximation helped us to better understand it.

I have always been passionate in Maths because it is universally undeniable and it serves as the foundation of almost everything. I have enjoyed exploring topics beyond the A-level curriculum. Over the summer I read 'Beyond Infinity' by Eugenia Cheng, which approached the subject of infinity using set theory and transfinite arithmetic in an elementary way. I also enrolled in 'Combinatorial Mathematics' by Tsinghua University where I had a brief study of counting algorithms of discrete objects and was introduced to mathematical analysis, set theory, again was mentioned alongside group theory and number theory. My interest in the real-world applications of mathematics led me to a course tittled 'Calculus applied' by Harvard University, where calculus was linked to subjects like Economics and Physics such as how it relates to Einstein's energy-mass equation. In order to understand this section I did more research on Taylor Polynomials, the section explained E=mc^2 and how Taylor approximation helped us to better understand it.

Hi!

I completely agree with the other comment on this thread! When I was writing my maths personal statement, my teachers said to reflect on everything you say you've done, e.g. opinions on a book, what you took away from a course etc. This shows you have skills that you will need at uni and a genuine interest in the subject you are applying for. I think if you include some reflections that paragraph will be great!

Good luck with your applications!

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