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Is it me or is this relationship unhealthy/ incompatible?

Sorry In advance, english is not my first language.

I met this guy in may, went on dates for 6 weeks and then got officially in a relationship 3 months ago. He put in much efforts (or it seemed like it): asked me consistently on dates, texted me after every day how much he liked it and also was very emotionally available and communicative with his feelings towards me, even asked me to be his girlfriend.

I have to add before i got with him I had a situationship over 4 months that never turned into something serious and was horrible in terms of anxiety for me as there was a lot of ghosting and emotional unavailability on their part. After i met the new guy i was so impressed of how it actually has to be and that it’s the bare minimum. I also never felt anxiety for the entire talking stage and first month with him together.

After month i started being more vulnerable with him, told him about my last relationships and also about my past mistakes. I didn’t feel judged by him at all and he told me he’s glad i am honest and everything, but after that conversation i was on edge, waiting for him to message me, scared he’s now distancing himself. On top of that he had exam season and we only saw each other once a week and also i had started working and had less time to see him. Since then like before when we see each other it’s amazing. He’s showering me with love, open in communication, wants me to express my concerns if they ever arise and really makes me feel loved and special. But i just don’t feel secure when we’re apart.

He’s not the best texter and has been like that since ever. And i knew that and had no problems with that as i think it’s healthier not to text too much. In a past relationship it was normal to fight trough texting and that’s definitely i want to avoid. Now if there is once a little less texting i am on edge and scared he lost feelings or something.

Also i am waiting for him to message me. I almost never initiate because of my ego but i am working on that because i think that’s unfair on him. Also with planning dates i am scared to ask him in case of appearing clingy. He does initiate dates and ask me to see him, but i don’t, so a lot of times he does something with someone else eventho i wished we did something together (but i didn’t tell him). Sometimes its once a week sometimes after 4 days or less. It depends.. also something i am concerned about. What if we see each other too little? He texts me sometimes this cute little messages of love or just something small that makes me happy as i stated i would like to stay in touch a bit more, but i still don’t feel secure. A lot of times i also wait long to answer him as i don’t like being on edge about waiting for his next message.

Also now he sometimes does the effort that we only see each other short like walking to the train or seeing each other in between classes sometimes or something.

Also we haven’t met each others parents yet but i met two of his friends but he didn’t really meet mine. But that’s also something i am worrying about. How long is too long to wait for that?

I feel like the situationship beforehand affected me a lot in terms of being scared of being left suddendly. Also because in my last relationship i never felt that way.

I don’t know how to manage this situation. As i am not sure if we are just not aligned or me just extremely anxious. But i tend to believe its the latter. Thank you for any help!
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry In advance, english is not my first language.

I met this guy in may, went on dates for 6 weeks and then got officially in a relationship 3 months ago. He put in much efforts (or it seemed like it): asked me consistently on dates, texted me after every day how much he liked it and also was very emotionally available and communicative with his feelings towards me, even asked me to be his girlfriend.

I have to add before i got with him I had a situationship over 4 months that never turned into something serious and was horrible in terms of anxiety for me as there was a lot of ghosting and emotional unavailability on their part. After i met the new guy i was so impressed of how it actually has to be and that it’s the bare minimum. I also never felt anxiety for the entire talking stage and first month with him together.

After month i started being more vulnerable with him, told him about my last relationships and also about my past mistakes. I didn’t feel judged by him at all and he told me he’s glad i am honest and everything, but after that conversation i was on edge, waiting for him to message me, scared he’s now distancing himself. On top of that he had exam season and we only saw each other once a week and also i had started working and had less time to see him. Since then like before when we see each other it’s amazing. He’s showering me with love, open in communication, wants me to express my concerns if they ever arise and really makes me feel loved and special. But i just don’t feel secure when we’re apart.

He’s not the best texter and has been like that since ever. And i knew that and had no problems with that as i think it’s healthier not to text too much. In a past relationship it was normal to fight trough texting and that’s definitely i want to avoid. Now if there is once a little less texting i am on edge and scared he lost feelings or something.

Also i am waiting for him to message me. I almost never initiate because of my ego but i am working on that because i think that’s unfair on him. Also with planning dates i am scared to ask him in case of appearing clingy. He does initiate dates and ask me to see him, but i don’t, so a lot of times he does something with someone else eventho i wished we did something together (but i didn’t tell him). Sometimes its once a week sometimes after 4 days or less. It depends.. also something i am concerned about. What if we see each other too little? He texts me sometimes this cute little messages of love or just something small that makes me happy as i stated i would like to stay in touch a bit more, but i still don’t feel secure. A lot of times i also wait long to answer him as i don’t like being on edge about waiting for his next message.

Also now he sometimes does the effort that we only see each other short like walking to the train or seeing each other in between classes sometimes or something.

Also we haven’t met each others parents yet but i met two of his friends but he didn’t really meet mine. But that’s also something i am worrying about. How long is too long to wait for that?

I feel like the situationship beforehand affected me a lot in terms of being scared of being left suddendly. Also because in my last relationship i never felt that way.

I don’t know how to manage this situation. As i am not sure if we are just not aligned or me just extremely anxious. But i tend to believe its the latter. Thank you for any help!

Sounds like he does not care for you
Reply 2
A relationship should be a partnership; what you've described isn't, because you have these odd ideas about how things should be.

If you want instant communication, don't text, dial his phone and TALK to him; why does your ego come into whether you want to have a conversation with your boyfriend? Why can't you plan dates? If you can't do basics like these, how are you going to plan anything about the future?

There's no guarantees how a relationship will turn out, so the other thing is to stop comparing him to your ex. They are different people and so far it sounds like you've got a good guy. But he could get fed up if you don't start putting the effort in.
(edited 7 months ago)

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