The Student Room Group

Is it weird to randomly ask an old friend how they’re doing?

this girl and I used to be really close but then drifted apart in yr9. We sat next to each other in maths for 3 years (year 9 to year11) and we both go to completely different sixth forms.
I haven’t really spoken to her much since year 11 - I did see her at one party tbh - but she posted a picture of herself on social media and I really want to know how she’s doing.
I just don’t this to seem weird (we fell out because I never used to text her, and I never used to hang out with her outside of school - though, the reality was that I had really strict parents and they never let me go anyway. I just didn’t tell her that because she wouldn’t understand).

Would it seem weird?
At that party a few months ago, when I saw her after yr11, I sat down and had a 1 to 1 with her, and I deeply apologised and she understood and said we were both young then.
No. Asking an old friend how they're doing seems really sweet to me. And it's a great way to maintain relationships. Just try something simple and straightforward and see where it goes.
Reply 2
Original post by PiltoverQueen
No. Asking an old friend how they're doing seems really sweet to me. And it's a great way to maintain relationships. Just try something simple and straightforward and see where it goes.


hi, I did text her, and she told me about how her holidays are going.
I asked her how her holidays are going, then she asked me about mine.
She then responded, but at the end of her message, said ‘it was lovely catching up’.
should I just leave the conversation there? it was quick.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
this girl and I used to be really close but then drifted apart in yr9. We sat next to each other in maths for 3 years (year 9 to year11) and we both go to completely different sixth forms.
I haven’t really spoken to her much since year 11 - I did see her at one party tbh - but she posted a picture of herself on social media and I really want to know how she’s doing.
I just don’t this to seem weird (we fell out because I never used to text her, and I never used to hang out with her outside of school - though, the reality was that I had really strict parents and they never let me go anyway. I just didn’t tell her that because she wouldn’t understand).

Would it seem weird?
At that party a few months ago, when I saw her after yr11, I sat down and had a 1 to 1 with her, and I deeply apologised and she understood and said we were both young then.

wait that's crazy I'm in the exact situation
Original post by Anonymous
hi, I did text her, and she told me about how her holidays are going.
I asked her how her holidays are going, then she asked me about mine.
She then responded, but at the end of her message, said ‘it was lovely catching up’.
should I just leave the conversation there? it was quick.


That means she was glad to hear from you. If she'd rather not hear from you she wouldn't have said that. It's more likely she would have said "I wish you all the best for the future".

What you do now, depends on what you want to get out of having contacted her. Did you just want to know what she's up to... or are you hoping to rekindle the friendship?
Reply 5
Original post by Old Skool Freak
That means she was glad to hear from you. If she'd rather not hear from you she wouldn't have said that. It's more likely she would have said "I wish you all the best for the future".

What you do now, depends on what you want to get out of having contacted her. Did you just want to know what she's up to... or are you hoping to rekindle the friendship?


I want to rekindle our friendship.
She said she’s going out tonight with a friend from our secondary school for ABBA voyage.
i want to become friends with her but I don’t want to seem annoying.
she genuinely seemed happy that I texted her
Then be honest and ask her if you can tag along. Be straightforward about it. If she says no, then maybe suggest your own outing for you two to catch up some other time. If she says no again then just leave it at that. The ball will be in her court. If she wants to catch up she will let you know. Atleast she now knows that you're up for it.
Reply 7
Not weird.
It's fine to casually chat online a few times a month with a willing former friend whose replies suggest that they are happy to interact online.

If the chats are always positive and interesting two way interactions, after a few months there may be the possibility of a mutual desire to reestablish the friendship.
Maybe with the opportunity of some regular phone chats or arranging to meet a few times a year.

But do not automatically assume that it will be possible to maintain regular contact or resurrect the friendship.
Often too much distance between the former friends has formed and the shelf-life of the friendship is long over.
Or as the years have passed both people have changed so much as they got older that their personalities and lifestyles are completely incompatible, with the potential for unpleasant clashes if they spend too much time around each other or ever interact as more than calm acquaintances who were once friendly many years ago at school/college/uni.

I've been in these type of situations and did not appreciate the repeated contact attempts from very polite and likely well intentioned but incompatible one time friends from school or uni.

With zero willingness on my part to be involved in any interaction with them beyond a very chilly 'good afternoon' or icy 'congratulations on the wedding/engagement/ baby, all the best for the future'.
Particularly from those who I had decided to end all direct physical contact with many years ago to prevent the risks of verbal conflict over ambitions or lifestyle preferences and avoid being tarred with the same brush as them/their spouse/other dodgy or extremely obnoxious non-violent individuals who did not have criminal habits nor sympathies.
The latter generally those whom the former friends had opted to live with, collect cash from, tell almost everything they heard & saw to or were closely involved with in any activism/charity fundraising context.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 8
No, it is even nice.
I would like to know how my classmates are doing, even the once who used to bully me. I mean, I wouldn't mind if they ask me how am I doing, but I won't ask them myself... guys I was in a good relationship I'd be very happy if they contacted me, just to know everyne is fine and what everyone is doing, but it's been 14 years since highschool ended so it might be a bit different if only like 5 years past or even less...

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