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Poem opinions

I would appreciate some opinions on a piece I wrote. The format is not ideal because of having to copy and paste on a post like this

Our world, a wide vast sea

Pondered and lingered have I throughout the darkest depths of my mind’s wanderings.
Sat and sat and still I sit within this mind of
mine’s citadel, higher to fathom than the stars above me.Such fragile mortality fate ordains me, answers the order of celestial might forbids me if only my lips utter towards a contemplation of my existence,
as to the reality that befalls me.
Stars my true name do not reveal to me
for true names are born from deeds not by birth and deeds I have none for out of a labyrinth I was born, I am like an empty vessel waiting to be lit up, sat there an epitome of beggary, lingering, yielding and seeking throughout the primitive prodigies of time.

Perpetually led astray I find myself at the end of every of my wanderings, struck down from the path direct just when it was so near to me, that fragment of light to behold the darkness of my inner fortress’ depths,
to metamorphose it, to lead me out though behold I do its darkening apocalypse and behold I do my own downfall, my own endings a mere genesis of my origins and back to my wanderings I must return, still answers hold I none,
waiting upon the stars only to hear an echo of silence fill the finite wheels of my lungs
led out evermore amongst the eternity of my unsteady breaths’ despairs

‘My Stars tell me why must it be that I must suffer so? Why is it that it constantly feels as though I am colliding against iron walls, as if an iron heel lingered eternally above me, with nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from the constraints set upon me, unable to escape from this life’s visage of paradoxical sentiments,to be led into better paths and not to live as a bird taught that flying is an illness?’

Only then it occurs to me that all these years that have passed before me,I had been perpetually sinking and sinking and all this while it was me myself and
not the stars that allowed me to sink not realising that within me lays a true compass, mightier than those made of metal iron and it only takes to realise that it does exist, for we do not seek and yell for light to come but we unveil it within ourselves first.
Rather than to escape from the world, to curse the darkness in it, we ourselves must light the candle for ourselves to find the path and that others may find it easier also.

I learnt that an uncharted sea that lies unexplored amongst us, our whole world is.
Its waves speak to us that we must not be afraid of the boundless clashes of waves that may come ahead of us or the eternity of the depths underneath us,
for we are learning to sail our ships and fearlessly throw our anchors where it matters.
They plead with us to watch overhead in wonder, that no pre settled ordinances
shall trap our minds any longer for we set our whole selves free to new horizons and to those that have remained on land we say, relish your comfort but to us
who are learning to let go of our fears and to set sail for the world, It is comfort that we fear and long to escape from the grips of.

our world, a wide vast sea it truly is and all this time it was so unfathomable to me

Touching

Original post by eminesu

Touching

Thank you . Could I ask what rate you would give it out of 10?
I’m new to poetry so realise I may not be ideal and like to improve

Reply 3

eminesu

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you . Could I ask what rate you would give it out of 10?
I’m new to poetry so realise I may not be ideal and like to improve

I, personally, would say 7-8/10. However, it's all subjective to the eye of the beholder.
For my style it was a little lengthy and I would try to narrow it down - but, again, it's all personal opinions!