16-mark GCSE English language essay.

On Monday I am completing a 16-mark GCSE English language essay, and I wanted to hear some opinions on my progress, if this essay isn't perfect, or not particularly good, or absolutely rubbish, then please note this is a first try and have not done this before in English.
I have tried to use ongoing themes, linguistic and structural features, and then a brief conclusion.

Various ongoing themes explored in “Who’s for the game” include propaganda, encouragement, determination, the poem comes from someone who has not experienced war, but believes in the idea of nationalism and imperialism, which are also deeply associated with “who’s for the game”. In contrast, “Dulce et decoreum est” is intended to challenge “whos for the games” viewpoints and how they are ignorant and untrue by exposing the true reality of the war, in which Wilfred Owen has experienced. “Who’s for the game” presents an encouraging attitude, and presents the war as having a positive influence on the country, and that your country is a top priority, whilst “dulce et decorum est” presents the war as being a hostile, melancholic experience, and Wilfred Owen tries to presents strongly convey as many negative emotions as he can.

Whilst both poems use strong emotive language, there is still significant contrast. In “Who’s for the game”, the writer’s tone comes across as desperate and emotive; in the quote; “your country is up to her neck in a fight”, with the writers usage of personification and emotive language with “up to her neck”, the writer establishes a personal, emotional connection towards their country, where the writer associates sympathy and empathy with there country, which is to reflect upon the reader and have an intention to make them gain a stronger relationship with their country, which will therefore make them join the war.

In contrast, “Dulce et decorum est” uses emotive language to expose to the reader the true realities of war, “bent double, like old beggars under sacks” opens the poem, the usage of the simile presents the war as being a negative atmosphere as “beggars” have negative, cripled connotations, this creates horrific imagery which helps Owen deliver his message of how horrific the conditions of the war really are, and how the true experiences of the war can share connotations with poverty, illness, and homelessness.

Sentence structure and the effect this has remains completely polarised throughout both poems. In “Who’s for the game” the pace is kept consistent, and very quick, with the constant usage of rhetorical questions “the red crashing game of a fight? Who’ll grip and take the job unafraid?”, this is to grasp the reader's attention and keep them engrossed throughout, Pope’s passion and determination is to reflect upon the reader and anticipate them for war and believe in their country.

However, Wilfred Owen challenges these questions by using extended sentences, “bent double, like old beggars under sacks… “knock-kneed, coughing like hags”; his extended responses, with consistent usage of similes have melancholic connotations which is to reflect upon the reader and still keep them engrossed but deliver a surreal reality of the wars conditions.

Overall, both poems are similar in the aspect that they are intended to deliver strong emotions and opinions on war. However, there is significant contrast in these strong emotions as Jessie Pope has a nationalistic perspective on war, and wishes to view war in a positive light, and believes the protection of your nation is a top priority, whilst Wilfred Owen believes the toxic conditions of the war having such a gravitationally negative effect on so many people is constantly ignored by Pope, and is, in reality, destroying the nation, and so many people’s lives.