The Student Room Group

Modern dating

How do people feel about modern dating?
Do you like it- hookup culture, casual dating, playing games, situationships, etc.

Talk about your experiences and whether you think its good for us or not. Would be interesting to hear about both male and female perspectives.
Reply 1
Original post by casual94
How do people feel about modern dating?
Do you like it- hookup culture, casual dating, playing games, situationships, etc.

Talk about your experiences and whether you think its good for us or not. Would be interesting to hear about both male and female perspectives.

I personally don't like any of those. Those actions can definitely give pleasure for a certain time but they might cause emotional trauma to some individuals as well provided that they get too attached. Hence, I would rather choose a long-term authentic relationship over those activities.
No I'm not trying to STDS
Reply 3
Part of modern dating is...dating. No angst or dramas or immaturity, just getting to know someone and enjoying each other's company in real life.
Original post by casual94
How do people feel about modern dating?
Do you like it- hookup culture, casual dating, playing games, situationships, etc.

Talk about your experiences and whether you think its good for us or not. Would be interesting to hear about both male and female perspectives.

Modern dating as compared to what? Situationships have existed for a long time, though it seems to be only recently that a term for them has been in common use. And people are generally having fewer sexual partners these days, which would suggest that casual relationships and ONS are less common now (compared to say the nineties or 2000s).
Reply 5
Original post by casual94
How do people feel about modern dating?
Do you like it- hookup culture, casual dating, playing games, situationships, etc.

Talk about your experiences and whether you think its good for us or not. Would be interesting to hear about both male and female perspectives.


I think that all of these things are common, but less common than we may think. The internet may have lots of people saying that they've done so and so, but there are billions of people online and we're able to see what any of them are saying.

I reckon that the for most people few if any are directly part of their lives; they're certainly not for my friends.
Reply 6
It is great. I'm having a wonderful time.
Original post by casual94
How do people feel about modern dating?
Do you like it- hookup culture, casual dating, playing games, situationships, etc.
Talk about your experiences and whether you think its good for us or not. Would be interesting to hear about both male and female perspectives.
I can't stand pretty much all the things that characterise 'modern dating' as 'modern'. To sum up all my thoughts over the years into one though, people are prioritising quantity over quality.

They call this the 'numbers game'. Their assumption is that the more people you swipe on, the more people you go out with, date, and hook up with, the more likely you will find your perfect match. All the available statistics show that this is bollox. A large part of the reason why it is bollox, is because with such a high rate of turnover, and a finite amount of time per week, that sort of dating approach doesn't give you the time you need to get to know someone organically or build a genuine connection with them. It instead pushes you to make choices based on the more transactional criteria/characteristics of the other person (their money, looks, 'popularity', etc.). Another large part of the reason is that simply feeling like you have too much choice, makes it harder to make your mind up and actually make a choice. The same applies to ketchup bottles in a supermarket. Again, that also pushes people towards making more analytical dating choices, rather than based of organic connection with another person.

And there are other reasons I could write a book about. STDs. Body counts. Attachment styles ranging from secure, to insecure, to full blown personality disorders. Novelty-seeking behaviours, impulsivity, addictions, inability to regulate your own emotions without using substances or other people to do it for you. A lot of these things are related.

I've also seen studies and articles recently demonstrating how promiscuity, polygamy, polyamory correlated with higher rates of violence in communities, across cultures. And I remember a few years back reading that domestic abuse is also over-represented among those kinds of people.

I've made my point. I want nothing to do with any of it. How you spend your money, either determines if you lose money, or make more money with compound interest. Same applies to how you spend your time, energy, etc. Spend it on people who generate compound benefits. Don't waste on people who are circling the drain.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Smack
Modern dating as compared to what? Situationships have existed for a long time, though it seems to be only recently that a term for them has been in common use. And people are generally having fewer sexual partners these days, which would suggest that casual relationships and ONS are less common now (compared to say the nineties or 2000s).

People are burning out from it and trusting each other less. Things like the "4b movement" and MGTOW. Both, men and women are retreating from the dating market lately. It isn't because they're entering into stable longer term relationships, setting up families, etc.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by NonIndigenous
People are burning out from it and trusting each other less. Things like the "4b movement" and MGTOW. Both, men and women are retreating from the dating market lately. It isn't because they're entering into stable longer term relationships, setting up families, etc.

I certainly think that online dating - and online life as a whole - has been deleterious to dating... but that's not the angle the OP was coming from. Their implication was that dating these days is more casual than in the past, and I pointed out that, actually, people are having fewer sexual partners these days, so casual sex was more prevalent back then.
Original post by casual94
How do people feel about modern dating?
Do you like it- hookup culture, casual dating, playing games, situationships, etc.
Talk about your experiences and whether you think its good for us or not. Would be interesting to hear about both male and female perspectives.


I feel like we've made it SO complicated it's now hard to find a normal person who just wants to love.

We want the flowers and the movie type romance but the bar seems to be on the floor nowadays.

Hookup culture has ruined things.
Original post by Anonymous
I feel like we've made it SO complicated it's now hard to find a normal person who just wants to love.
We want the flowers and the movie type romance but the bar seems to be on the floor nowadays.
Hookup culture has ruined things.

You can start unf**king your life, by holding the individuals around you accountable for the bad choices they make, instead of blaming our system/environment.

Sure, the system/environment is partially to blame, but no single person will make a dent in it. So it is pointless blaming it, or using is as an excuse. That's one of the biggest contrast I see between two types of people in dating or even generally:

The types the use excuses to justify their own shortfalls or crap behaviour

Those that don't


In practical terms, the most common phrases I hear that are evidence of this mindset, for example are:

"everyone does it"

"that's just how it is now"

"everyone cheats"

etc.


Don't engage with those people. Don't even bother arguing. They're not helpful & only contribute to the problem. Or if one of your close friends starts to succumb to this mindset, give them b*llocking, maybe give them a 2nd chance, and then move on.
(edited 1 month ago)

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