Is this normal for a break up?

It’s been three weeks since my now ex girlfriend broke up with me on our one year anniversary. Three weeks on and I’m still emotionally all over the place. I find myself drifting between crying, anger, thinking back over what happened and feeling sad and wanting the relationship back. I see the ex girlfriend at our work place every day too. She appears to be laughing with friends and playing it as though she’s not struggling at all. She’s an avoidant by nature so I’m aware she suppresses her emotions very well although it’s been hurtful to see as it feels like she’s not struggling.

Her mother has contacted me several times since the break up to see how I’m doing. Yesterday she wrote a message to say she was withdrawing contact in respect of her daughter’s feelings and said that we can’t talk “at the moment”. It was a very understandable thing as I’m aware the ex girlfriend may feel she’s taking sides by keeping contact with me. But she has asked for space for both of us and not to engage with each other “for the time being”. I’ve respected her request and not contacted her since. She’s also stated that my ex girlfriend has struggled with the break up.

I feel confused as the ex girlfriend hasn’t blocked me on any social media. She’s unfriended my parents and friends and me but she’s not blocked me on anything. Her last message alluded to her not being able to be friends or chat “at the moment” and we haven’t spoken on a text since New Year’s Day where the conversation over text was down the lines of it’s all your fault the break up happened and not taking any responsibility for her actions which also contributed to the end of things. There’s been no official “no contact” rule applied and her mum has mentioned about both of us having space… and allowing her to collect her feelings as she’s been very busy since the break up.

We were very close when we were together. We shared some very positive memories - but the relationship wasn’t without difficulty and often fell into a negative cycle. I had my own stresses which I guess maybe triggered some of the issues we had. She also at times made me feel insecure by withdrawing at times when I felt we could have been closer. She would often push away when she was struggling herself with her own stresses.

Since New Year’s Day she has demonstrated some very angry behaviours towards me when I’ve seen her around work. Irrationally so. I’ve been respectful of her space and smiled and waved when we’ve seen each other and had extremely angry responses. I wished her a nice holiday the other day and we had a brief 5 minute conversation which appeared civil but later that day I saw her act enraged towards me without any provocation.
I’ve decided to come away from work for the time being as I recognise I am struggling and need some time to come away from that environment.

I just feel very confused and feel like a door has been kept open to reconciling and speaking in the future…

- Am I experiencing normal emotions for 3 weeks after a breakup?

- Does every break up involve not blocking people and their families remaining in touch for a period of time?

- Has anyone else experienced this before where families are involved and the door is kept seemingly open but closed at the same time?

- what advice would people give?

Reply 1

gjd800

20

Yes it's normal.

I still have my last ex on facebook and still speak to her Mum and sister semi-regularly, no big deal. Well, I have the benefit of age and experience so when you're a bit older these things can be less problematic.

You just plod on and things get better, honestly, there's no magic trick to it.

Reply 2

Zarek

21

It is common for break ups to be very painful, for behaviour to be unfair, and for there to be complications with wider family relationships that were well developed too. Working with an ex also adds to the pain from my own experience. Blocking on social media is a nasty thing to do and perhaps it’s good this hasn’t been done.
The thing to do is to distance yourself as much as you can, let the dust settle, and turn to friends and new pursuits to get you through. Sadly there is very seldom a future in the past, but the pain eases with time and new and better love comes

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Zarek

It is common for break ups to be very painful, for behaviour to be unfair, and for there to be complications with wider family relationships that were well developed too. Working with an ex also adds to the pain from my own experience. Blocking on social media is a nasty thing to do and perhaps it’s good this hasn’t been done.
The thing to do is to distance yourself as much as you can, let the dust settle, and turn to friends and new pursuits to get you through. Sadly there is very seldom a future in the past, but the pain eases with time and new and better love comes

Thanks for your reply. I agree I don’t think blocking is a positive thing to do. I think it shows I’m angry too and burns the bridges of reconciliation further which I don’t want to do. I do miss her and think about her an awful lot and still have feelings for her of love. I just wish I knew what would happen and how she really feels.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by gjd800

Yes it's normal.

I still have my last ex on facebook and still speak to her Mum and sister semi-regularly, no big deal. Well, I have the benefit of age and experience so when you're a bit older these things can be less problematic.

You just plod on and things get better, honestly, there's no magic trick to it.

Her mother has been really kind. She’s spoken to me on the phone several times and tried to remain balanced instead of only seeing the side of her daughter. I just feel it’s hard to let go when I felt so much part of her family and was very close to them.

Reply 5

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous #1

Thanks for your reply. I agree I don’t think blocking is a positive thing to do. I think it shows I’m angry too and burns the bridges of reconciliation further which I don’t want to do. I do miss her and think about her an awful lot and still have feelings for her of love. I just wish I knew what would happen and how she really feels.

It’s really tough

It's unfortunate that you work together. That'll be making it harder.

I don't think many people block their exes unless they're being aggressive or toxic? Not in adult relationships, anyway.

Your emotional reaction is perfectly normal though. After any serious relationship I've had ended it has taken me a very long time to get over them. Months, normally. In one case a year and a half (we were together several years).

(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 7

gjd800

20

Original post by Anonymous #1

Her mother has been really kind. She’s spoken to me on the phone several times and tried to remain balanced instead of only seeing the side of her daughter. I just feel it’s hard to let go when I felt so much part of her family and was very close to them.

I understand this. It is difficult but you are not somehow failing or overreacting by finding it tough - I hope there is some reassurance for you in all of this.

Reply 8

LPL9608

3

Original post by gjd800

I understand this. It is difficult but you are not somehow failing or overreacting by finding it tough - I hope there is some reassurance for you in all of this.

Thank you. I’ve been both a dumper and a dumper before and the emotions are very different, I’m finding this one is really hurting, and there’s a yearning for that relationship back so much. Especially when I still have to see them around. I just hope deep down she feels some love towards me somewhere in her heart and our relationship wasn’t worthless to her.

Is this normal for a break up?

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you