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I’m too emotive, what do I say to her, to not make her worry or upset her???

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone is able to give me some advice and help me out. I’m in year 13 and I’ve not had a friend or proper friend until like a month ago, when this girl became quite close and friendly and caring with me. I thought she was only doing it because I gave her a little Christmas present and a card (which thanked her for being so friendly during the school term and showed my appreciation as I was literally just all by myself in sixth form and pretty much in secondary school) and I thought that she was only hanging out with me, because she felt bad for me and was just doing a little bit to help.

Anyways, a couple days after Christmas she invited me to go for a walk with her and I had a lovely time as she was so sweet to me and I was too her, but I was soooo nervous even around her. Anyways we shared some stuff and I got to know her better. Fast forwards on a bit, she’s been messaging me a bit, but it’s kind of a mixture of who starts the conversations. We’ve met up 3 more times after my first interaction outside of school with her and she was so lovely in all of them (one of them I biked 16miles one way just to comfort her as her driving test didn’t go very well) and we both sent goodnight messages to each other that are so wholesome and sweet. Even though I’m a bit awkward at college, by myself 97% of the time, she always comes for a chat in my lessons and it’s so lovely. Anyways I’ll try and get to the point.

Throughout my whole time at secondary school and most of sixth form, I’d lost friends rather than making any, I fell out with loads of them and none of them cared about me. I got so so so depressed during secondary school, (I won’t go into detail as it makes me so upset) and sixth form, year 12 wasn’t any better, with having no one to talk to about how I was feeling, isolated in lessons from conversations and just anything, not being invited to any socials, blah, blah, blah, I’m rambling here because I don’t want her to feel overwhelmed by all this.

Anyways, this girl cheered me up and continues to cheer me up, but I’ve realised that I’m screwed in life and anything after sixth form and I don’t wanna be constantly bothering her when she’s at uni (I’m debating taking a gap year, or going to uni) as I’ll have no one else to talk to.

Anyways, I’m sorry for all that, just needed to give a bit of context. Basically at the moment, I’ve reached my breaking point and I’m just so close from giving up with absolutely everything. The real sad thing is that I’ve texted this girl about it and we’ve spoken about her struggles last year in sixth form with mental health and also her struggles during year 10/11 and it makes me upset like so so so upset thinking that I wasn’t there for her. If anyone’s still reading this I’m just so sorry for telling you all that stuff, but if I keep it to myself any longer, I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.



Right, I’ll try and sum it up now.

Tomorrow (1/2/24) she asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her after college, and I accepted, however, I’m actually terrified of myself at this point. These last few days I’ve been messaging her that “if I’m bothering or overwhelming you, you can just tell me to shut up and I’ll stop” and other things like that and she knows I’m struggling.

I’m just finding it so, so, so hard now to tell her about how I feel and it’s like her comforting words don’t work on me anymore. I really appreciate her and love her for doing it, but I’m so depressed at the moment I just don’t feel any better from what she says. I’m worried that tomorrow when I meet up with her, I might not be able to do it, or I’ll just cry or I’ll be stupid biking to school tomorrow, or I’ll be stupid. Say something bad, make me look bad, make her upset. If I make her upset, oh my days that’s it, yeah that’s it.

Anyways, I’m just not sure how I tell her all this and stop my self from crying infront of her, or doing/saying something that will make her constantly worry and be upset about me?
Hey man. Any advice anybody can give here will be very limited in scope, but from what you’ve shared, it sounds like this girl enjoys spending time with you. Why would anyone spend time with another person if they didn’t enjoy it? You also sound like a good friend. So stop with the apologising, the “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you”. If you feel the need to speak to her about something, do it. What are friends for, if not to listen to you and keep you company?
Worrying about upsetting her won’t make anything better. In your time together, just focus on enjoying it. Try to relax, it will be fine.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #2
Hey man. Any advice anybody can give here will be very limited in scope, but from what you’ve shared, it sounds like this girl enjoys spending time with you. Why would anyone spend time with another person if they didn’t enjoy it? You also sound like a good friend. So stop with the apologising, the “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you”. If you feel the need to speak to her about something, do it. What are friends for, if not to listen to you and keep you company?
Worrying about upsetting her won’t make anything better. In your time together, just focus on enjoying it. Try to relax, it will be fine.

Thank you
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone is able to give me some advice and help me out. I’m in year 13 and I’ve not had a friend or proper friend until like a month ago, when this girl became quite close and friendly and caring with me. I thought she was only doing it because I gave her a little Christmas present and a card (which thanked her for being so friendly during the school term and showed my appreciation as I was literally just all by myself in sixth form and pretty much in secondary school) and I thought that she was only hanging out with me, because she felt bad for me and was just doing a little bit to help.

Anyways, a couple days after Christmas she invited me to go for a walk with her and I had a lovely time as she was so sweet to me and I was too her, but I was soooo nervous even around her. Anyways we shared some stuff and I got to know her better. Fast forwards on a bit, she’s been messaging me a bit, but it’s kind of a mixture of who starts the conversations. We’ve met up 3 more times after my first interaction outside of school with her and she was so lovely in all of them (one of them I biked 16miles one way just to comfort her as her driving test didn’t go very well) and we both sent goodnight messages to each other that are so wholesome and sweet. Even though I’m a bit awkward at college, by myself 97% of the time, she always comes for a chat in my lessons and it’s so lovely. Anyways I’ll try and get to the point.

Throughout my whole time at secondary school and most of sixth form, I’d lost friends rather than making any, I fell out with loads of them and none of them cared about me. I got so so so depressed during secondary school, (I won’t go into detail as it makes me so upset) and sixth form, year 12 wasn’t any better, with having no one to talk to about how I was feeling, isolated in lessons from conversations and just anything, not being invited to any socials, blah, blah, blah, I’m rambling here because I don’t want her to feel overwhelmed by all this.

Anyways, this girl cheered me up and continues to cheer me up, but I’ve realised that I’m screwed in life and anything after sixth form and I don’t wanna be constantly bothering her when she’s at uni (I’m debating taking a gap year, or going to uni) as I’ll have no one else to talk to.

Anyways, I’m sorry for all that, just needed to give a bit of context. Basically at the moment, I’ve reached my breaking point and I’m just so close from giving up with absolutely everything. The real sad thing is that I’ve texted this girl about it and we’ve spoken about her struggles last year in sixth form with mental health and also her struggles during year 10/11 and it makes me upset like so so so upset thinking that I wasn’t there for her. If anyone’s still reading this I’m just so sorry for telling you all that stuff, but if I keep it to myself any longer, I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore.



Right, I’ll try and sum it up now.

Tomorrow (1/2/24) she asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her after college, and I accepted, however, I’m actually terrified of myself at this point. These last few days I’ve been messaging her that “if I’m bothering or overwhelming you, you can just tell me to shut up and I’ll stop” and other things like that and she knows I’m struggling.

I’m just finding it so, so, so hard now to tell her about how I feel and it’s like her comforting words don’t work on me anymore. I really appreciate her and love her for doing it, but I’m so depressed at the moment I just don’t feel any better from what she says. I’m worried that tomorrow when I meet up with her, I might not be able to do it, or I’ll just cry or I’ll be stupid biking to school tomorrow, or I’ll be stupid. Say something bad, make me look bad, make her upset. If I make her upset, oh my days that’s it, yeah that’s it.

Anyways, I’m just not sure how I tell her all this and stop my self from crying infront of her, or doing/saying something that will make her constantly worry and be upset about me?


Hey, you sound like you really care about this, her and how she sees you. That’s a good quality to have. Most people lack it.

I know you’re having a hell of a hard time, possibly the hardest time. Yet throughout all of that you are being impossibly kind to someone. Trust me, if you’re taking the time to worry about whether she can see that or not, it’s showing. That’s what matters.

Try to be less hard on your self though. Friends don’t come at the same time as everyone else for some people. I’m the same, and it’s a hard thing to understand.
You have found an equally kind person who can see you for the great person you are and that’s wonderful!
Just keep being honest about what you’re experiencing and how you’re feeling. From my point of view she very clearly cares about you. And you never know how things might end up, how you act or what you say isn’t going to control that. Things just happen.

Just be easy on your self, and easy on this relationship and see how everything works out. That’s the beauty of life! Take a deep breath and take it one step at a time, you are doing great.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous #3
Hey, you sound like you really care about this, her and how she sees you. That’s a good quality to have. Most people lack it.

I know you’re having a hell of a hard time, possibly the hardest time. Yet throughout all of that you are being impossibly kind to someone. Trust me, if you’re taking the time to worry about whether she can see that or not, it’s showing. That’s what matters.

Try to be less hard on your self though. Friends don’t come at the same time as everyone else for some people. I’m the same, and it’s a hard thing to understand.
You have found an equally kind person who can see you for the great person you are and that’s wonderful!
Just keep being honest about what you’re experiencing and how you’re feeling. From my point of view she very clearly cares about you. And you never know how things might end up, how you act or what you say isn’t going to control that. Things just happen.

Just be easy on your self, and easy on this relationship and see how everything works out. That’s the beauty of life! Take a deep breath and take it one step at a time, you are doing great.

Thank you very much for saying that!

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