Don't know what to say about this girl?

Earlier this year I went out on some dates with this girl, basically we matched online on a dating site. The first couple of dates went well, I was really into her and we started hanging out a bit, but the last dates we went on didn't go well. We seemed to have quite a bit in common, but it became clear she had loads (and I mean literally loads) of guy friends who seemed interested in her. When I was hanging out with her she would take her phone out and chat to other guys and tell me and show me her flirty whatsup chats with them. She was also really flirty with guys generally, literally any guy, random blokes like barmen and so on. The last date in March we went clubbing and met up with her friends, this one guy kept hanging around her giving me threatening looks. At the end of the night she repeatedly told me my dancing was terrible (I suppose it is, lol). After that I stopped hanging out with her and didn't message her again. Anyway she has now written to me wanting to know what I am doing, the message was kind of sad like she was upset. Is this guilt tripping? Really a part of me feels awful for kind of ghosting her, but going out with her half killed me to be honest. I mean she is intelligent, attractive and easy to talk to but I found her a total nightmare to go out with. What am I supposed to say?

Reply 1

BeingBoring

12

Original post by Anonymous

Earlier this year I went out on some dates with this girl, basically we matched online on a dating site. The first couple of dates went well, I was really into her and we started hanging out a bit, but the last dates we went on didn't go well. We seemed to have quite a bit in common, but it became clear she had loads (and I mean literally loads) of guy friends who seemed interested in her. When I was hanging out with her she would take her phone out and chat to other guys and tell me and show me her flirty whatsup chats with them. She was also really flirty with guys generally, literally any guy, random blokes like barmen and so on. The last date in March we went clubbing and met up with her friends, this one guy kept hanging around her giving me threatening looks. At the end of the night she repeatedly told me my dancing was terrible (I suppose it is, lol). After that I stopped hanging out with her and didn't message her again. Anyway she has now written to me wanting to know what I am doing, the message was kind of sad like she was upset. Is this guilt tripping? Really a part of me feels awful for kind of ghosting her, but going out with her half killed me to be honest. I mean she is intelligent, attractive and easy to talk to but I found her a total nightmare to go out with. What am I supposed to say?

That's a tricky one... Girls tend to have lots of guy friends and are often surprisingly oblivious about how many of them would rather be more than friends with them. In fact, on occasions that I've pointed out to a girl how I thought that some of their friends were far more into them than they realised they were quite offended, they saw it as a betrayal of their friendship if a bloke would want more from them. Take a step back and think about her messages, were they really just very friendly or genuinely flirty with intimate content? The fact she's disappointed you aren't speaking to her says something, if she actually had several blokes on the hook she wouldn't be taking the trouble to reach out to you. You also need to think why you feel threatened about other guys who are in her company, just because she is intelligent, attractive and easy going doesn't mean she isn't happy with you as a boyfriend, on the other hand if she is blatantly flirting with other guys in front of you then you shouldn't have to put up with that either. Tell her how you feel, but do not tell her that she can't have other male company, it's something you need to work out between you. Either way, I wouldn't ghost her, tell someone how you feel, discuss it or even fall out with each other but at least you both know where you stand and can move on, just hiding from someone is a bit cowardly....

Reply 2

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

Earlier this year I went out on some dates with this girl, basically we matched online on a dating site. The first couple of dates went well, I was really into her and we started hanging out a bit, but the last dates we went on didn't go well. We seemed to have quite a bit in common, but it became clear she had loads (and I mean literally loads) of guy friends who seemed interested in her. When I was hanging out with her she would take her phone out and chat to other guys and tell me and show me her flirty whatsup chats with them. She was also really flirty with guys generally, literally any guy, random blokes like barmen and so on. The last date in March we went clubbing and met up with her friends, this one guy kept hanging around her giving me threatening looks. At the end of the night she repeatedly told me my dancing was terrible (I suppose it is, lol). After that I stopped hanging out with her and didn't message her again. Anyway she has now written to me wanting to know what I am doing, the message was kind of sad like she was upset. Is this guilt tripping? Really a part of me feels awful for kind of ghosting her, but going out with her half killed me to be honest. I mean she is intelligent, attractive and easy to talk to but I found her a total nightmare to go out with. What am I supposed to say?

You have to continue to hang out with her and get you want (i.e. the box). It sounds horrible but you are supposedly young and should not burden yourself with constant worries. If a girl has too many guy friends that it becomes a red flag, that’s not your problem.

To me, i would suggest that you focus on yourself and self-improve. If she wants to hang out, do so and get as much value as you like from the situation.

In the end, you have to charge it to the game.

Don't know what to say about this girl?

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