Help to elevate my gsce English lang story

Hi I really want to know how to push to a grade 8-9 with my story.Please could anyone critique and give helpful feedback on how to improve it .

Cheering and yelling boomed across the scrawny, unkempt field. Pastel coloured flags, proudly representing the four house teams of our school, were scattered across the terrain, next to the makeshift sport challenges; the relay batons, the brightly coloured pile of hula hoops and the school teachers who adorned shades of the house team hats intimidatingly guarded the spoons for the egg and spoon race.

Proudly, my team stood, fists clenched, with eyes on the prize: a gold, embellished trophy that came with shiny participation medals for the winning house.I sported my earthy coloured bib to represent earth:my house. Sensibly, Mrs Smith stood in front of our team with pursed lips that were littered with weary cracks her index finger that hovered them.Noticing this, my team abruptly stopped fiddling and immediately perked up.Disobeying this order, I shoved and pushed anyone in my way, my insatiable desire to win grew.My steps bore witness to my excitement as each step I took was vivaciously bouncy. With pure glee, my hands swung in the air without a care in the world. A cheeky smirk dawned on my face as we got closer to the race track, already packed full of determined children with the same goal in mind.

The teachers ordered us to move to gawky lanes with our teams. I leaned forward, blood pumping with thick adrenaline, as my hands lingered in a concentrated, sharp manner. Over-towering us, he stood on the highest ground of the hill which was adjacent to the track; he yelled with the flare gun cocked in hand, “Our first contestants of the day! Are you ready for the relay race?”
My toes began curling in anticipation, heartbeat banging loudly in my ear as I waited for the click of the gun. “We are going to win.” I desperately repeated to myself, affirming my confidence.
With little warning, I was taken by surprise at the clumsy announcement.
“3…2…1!!” He bellowed, as if he had a booming microphone installed into his throat.

My two pigtails wafted in the air as I ran as fast as my stubby, little legs could take me. Lunging myself,I started to pick up the speed with the lissom girls who ran with ease.Coming closer to my teammate,the cloying taste of the fruit shoot I had earlier clung onto my leathery tongue.In my right hand,I gripped tighter onto my steel,cool green baton.The cheering of mothers,fathers and grandparents had intensified,as I wizzed past.Searching,my eyes darted around the rowdy crowd,my Mother,was no where to be seen. Uncoordinatedly,I had meant to pass the baton to my teammate,my feet had intertwined as my mind had lost focus.

Trying to protect myself ,I put both of my hands infront of me onto the scorching tarmac floor,I yelped at the sharp,searing pain that ran through my elbow.”Ohhh..”,collectively the crowd blurted. My head faced the floor as I couldn’t bare the feeling of many bulging pairs of eyes staring at me.The other contestants continued,trampling on my weary fingers.”At least I tried”I thought to myself,defeatedly.Idle,I felt the vibrations of rushing foot steps coming towards me.Soon after,my sight was the last to go as the ground before my eyes,faded into darkness.

“Alisha,can you hear me?”A familiar voice whispered softly. Everything had hit me at once,I could see again,the cool, bright lights shone in my tear stained eyes.Before me was Mrs Smith,preparing the paper towels onto my arms.Looking up,I could see my mother,rubbing my shoulders- a bittersweet smile grew.Glancing,I could see the paper towel peeling off of my left arm.With my unaffected arm,I peeled all of them off one by one.Revealing the bluey-black bruise that had marbled my arm like a polished slab of marble.Despite the pain,I still smiled as now my mother was here to see me.