A Basic Men's Guide to Success with Women

Edit: Oops, horrible grammar error in the title.
"A Basic Mens' Guide to Success with Women"

The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.

It also is often apparant that some people simply don't realise some very basic elements to being attractive to the opposite sex.

What I hope to set out below is a list of tips relating to appearance, attitude and the way you act that, to many people, will seem blindingly obvious, but to some may actually help a little. I will use a sarcastic tone become I'm a sarcastic **** in real life, bear with me.

1. Appearance - personal
Get a Haircut - Unless you are an Italian model or a porn star, Long hair is out. On most guys its unattractive, almost always greasy, and usually badly styled. Very few girls prefer long hair on guys (I'm sure many can tolerate it, but why risk it). You might be the exception to this rule, but strongly consider whether you in fact are - Many guys go through a long hair phase around age 17-19, very VERY few people in their mid 20s look back and think it looked good.

Shave, or at least trim - Neckbeards are disgusting, as are unkempt chin whisps or a wavy moustache. Most people look best cleanshaven or with a few days stubble. Wild facial hair is an example of poor personal grooming, which is a big turn off for many. At the very least if you must have a beard, learn how to trim it properly and keep it short and neat.

Wash, using soap! - This is so obvious I genuinely hope noone needs to be told. You should be showering daily, in the morning, at the very least. Overnight, in your bed, you sweat (more than half a litre!) and your skin secretes oils that collect in your pores.

When you wash, most guys should use real soap rather than shower gel - it is vastly (vastly) better at cleaning / odour prevention / removing oil. Only use shower gel alone if you really do never smell/sweat or you have real issues with dry skin.

Use anti-perspirant - After your shower you should ALWAYS apply anti-perspirant. Not Lynx, that is for pre-teens, but something designed for 24hrs anti-perspirant such as Sure for men. I still occasionally (early 20s) meet guys who dont believe in or use anti-perspirant. They may not be able to smell themselves, but I definitely can. You should use anti-perspirant even if you never normally feel sweaty - everyone sweats small amounts even if you dont feel damp, and the bacteria that feed on it WILL smell even if you cant smell yourself.

Get fit - I cant stress this one enough. Not only is being fit great for your health and appearance, it hugely helps your confidence too. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and do it often. If you find the gym really boring (and expensive!) check out www.britmilfit.com, which runs cheap fitness classes in parks all across the UK and is probably the quickest way possible to getting fit and toned, and of course awesome fun (and a great way to meet people)

2. Appearance - clothing
General - Generally, as a guy you should have some slightly smarter clothes for going on dates etc. An outfit that you know looks good also does masses for your confidence.


Tops - First of all, black t-shirts or 'comedy' t-shirts (and even worse, t-shirts with dragons, fantasy scenes or wolves on them!) are horrible and mark you out as a basement-dweller. AVOID. Next, while hoodies are awesome to keep warm while doing exercise, or when slumming it after a massive night out, they aren't a top you should be wearing out socially (you wouldnt wear tracksuit bottoms out would you? Its the same concept). What you wear on your top half does depend on your personal style, but normal people will wear either a t-shirt with some kind of design on it, a polo shirt or a real shirt (NEVER SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT!). I personally advocate the last but its a matter of personal taste and how smart you need to be. For warmth go with a jumper, jacket or coat. Never wear waterproofs unless you are going hiking - people in North-face all-weather hiking jackets in the city look ridiclous. Use plain t-shirts underneath to layer up if needed for warmth.

Trousers - obviously tracksuits, sports trousers etc are not appropriate. Pretty much anything else is, though jeans are the easiest. I generally avoid Combats and other 'sloppy' styles though. Also never wear anything with a high waist. Personally I cant stand skinny jeans on guys (you look androgenous) but I understand this is a matter of taste and some girls do like that on a guy. Only use cords or chinos if you are going for a more preppy look (paired with a shirt or t-shirt and cashmere sweater or something).

Shoes - Black smart shoes dont go with blue Jeans (though obviously they do go with black jeans). Hiking boots, Sandals, or running shoes dont go with anything. Wear smartish brown shoes, white trainers, high-tops, deck shoes or pretty much anything else depending on your personal style. Flipflops are fine in summer if your local bars etc allow it.

Glasses, Hats, watches, jewelry etc - This is a matter of personal style of course, but most people in glasses would look better with contacts. If you think they are too expensive, have a look somewhere like www.daysoft.com (very VERY cheap daily lenses, you'll need to get an eye test at boots first to find out your prescription though). Most guys can't pull off jewellery and just look stupid, especially wearing chains, rings or earings or other face piercings, matter of taste though.

3. Attitude

If you've got sections one and two wrapped up, likely you are feeling a lot more confident about yourself. This is key. The single biggest factor in being attractive is being confident. Even if you aren't yet confident, you will get more confident in time through practice approaching girls and going on dates.

Whenever you hear a guy saying "why dont girls like 'nice guys'" you can be 100% certain his key problem is one of three things - that he isn't, in fact, a nice guy, that he is not being forward enough in his approach to girls or else he is too keen.

Points to remember:
Make your intentions clear - Its really REALLY important to make your intentions clear early on in your relationship with a girl. I dont mean actually saying "I fancy you" (although some people can pull this off if they are cocky enough!), I mean flirting to the point that it is completely unambiguous. This should always be done on a first date to establish if there is chemistry! This point must be considered in light of the next one however

Don't be too Keen - Desperate guys are a massive turn off. Coming on too strong likewise - both imply that finding a girl who likes your attention is rare so you are making a big deal out of it, this is NOT a good impression to give. To combine this with the point above, the attitude you are going for is "I want you, but If you aren't interested I'll go after another girl instead".

Don't overthink - So you had your first date and it went quite well? now you start worrying about when to text her, what her texts or lack of them mean, analysing what she said during the date.... STOP. All of this is bull****. Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play. Wait until you next want to see the girl, call her, and ask her out again. No need to have a strategy, no need to ignore her 2 days, just play it by ear (but always bear in mind the 2 points above, not too keen, upfront about intentions).

4. Project Confidence
Really all these tips are to help with this final point. Everything comes down to confidence. The best thing about confidence is, you cant fake it. Or rather, if you successfully fake it you aren't faking it, its real! There are lots of 'tricks' to help you appear confident (and therefore be confident), examples are to pick the bar or restaurant for your date without hesitation (knowing some cool, interesting places is extremely helpful), choosing wine for both of you with a meal, and eventually going for a goodnight kiss. Force yourself to be bold, and you will become bold!

One last thing - don't worry about rejection, its no big deal and at the end of the day, its THEIR loss.

Good luck

Are you an 80s Rockstar? Well then.

Theres a reason very very few 'adults' (post student) have long hair. I promise you at some stage in your life you will look back and cringe at your hair now.

"A Basic Mens' Guide to Success with Women"

The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.

Long hair- Why should they change it just to suit girls? I know plenty of girls who prefer guys with long hair.

Don't be too keen? The attitude you are going for is "I want you, but If you aren't interested I'll go after another girl instead". Wrong, wrong, wrong. That gives the impression that the girl isn't anything special. Also gives the impression the guy is a player.

Total girlfriend count: 10.
Total potential girlfriends (ones that something almost happened with but didn't because of mitigating factors): 2 or 3, I forget.

So how did you get those girls then?

It's a small minority.
It's really not.

Girls LOVE to think you're a player, I'm sick of it actually - girls I meet basically tell me I AM a player and a massive stud, before I even mention anything to do with it, and keep insisting that I am and that they're different, not like the other girls, etc etc. They love it. The alternative, and the reality of the situation in my case, is that I get girls about once a year if I'm lucky and can't hang onto them for more than two weeks. What girl will be impressed with that?

Right, let's see...

I wear black DM's, blue combat trousers every now and then (black jeans when I'm not wearing my combats or bondage trousers), I have no expensive jewellery nor do I really wear any of the necklaces I have. I have a foot and a half long mohawk (which naturally means long hair when I don't put it up).
My cupboard is almost exclusively full of black t-shirts, all with bands logos on them. I have a few white t-shirts with band logos on them.
The hoodie I wear the most is torn to **** at the bottom of the sleeves.
I have a partially noticeable beer belly dependant on what t-shirt I'm wearing.
I don't use soap, I prefer to use shower gel.
I've had my lip pierced for 3 years I think.
I lack confidence when it comes to dealing with women as a matter of choice; I'm hella indecisive and I like being that way. As you said, I'm being myself.

Total girlfriend count: 10.
Total potential girlfriends (ones that something almost happened with but didn't because of mitigating factors): 2 or 3, I forget.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... good job, but you're wrong
You can't make anyone into someone they're not, and although you deserve a round of applause for posting all of that ( ) near enough none of it applies to me aside from the standard stuff (shower daily, use anti-perspirant, etc etc ).