The Student Room Group

Do you think it is weird to have never been in a relationship at over 30

Thoughts?
No, I don’t think it’s weird, just maybe not what most people do. There are other things in life
Original post by Anonymous
Thoughts?


No, it's not weird. The thing about relationships is that you either get lucky or you don't and also you have to deal with the cards that you're given. Everyone's born different and everyone has different personalities. Some people can get into relationships more easily than others because they were blessed with certain looks and win the genetic lottery, whereas others have to grind their way through life. It's nobody's fault but that's the way life is. As long as you're happy on your own though it shouldn't matter. If you think about it, we're all gonna get old and die eventually anyway so it doesn't matter.
Reply 3
Unusual, maybe. Weird, no. Why would you think that?
What Surnia said. If it helps to know OP, I'm nearly 35 and haven't been in a relationship yet! (I don't count some of the weird/creepy stuff that happened to me at uni :nah: ) Haven't had a first kiss even :biggrin:
Reply 5
It's unusual
Reply 6
Not weird at all if you’ve no particular wish to be in a relationship. If you want to have a relationship, I imagine it will be quite painful if you haven’t found one in your 20s. Mind you it can be tricky to find someone, and particularly something that works out well, even by the time you’re 30
Reply 7
No
Reply 8
If by 'weird' you mean, colloquially, 'unusual', yes.

If you mean a stronger sense of that, not really.
No in the western world, UK I think in particular it's pretty usual, even moreso for men. Dating isn't what it used to many decades ago when most people just wanted to be with someone. We're really only on this world a short time even if we get quite old so I feel it's a real shame we don't have the values we used to, to just get together and try and be happy in the company of another.

Stats are that it's around 50 percent of the population are single though done will have had relationships, be in/out of relationships, etc but generally the rising singles figure points to less people being in relationship I tend to get the impression overall. Some people also class stuff that was virtually non relationships as relationships. A kind of 'yeah I was with this girl but she was never really into me, wasn't intimate then dumped me after a week or two' sort of thing. No point bursting their bubble if they saw it as a relationship and happy with that then so be it.

But yeah it's really just a genetic lottery for a large part. If you come good in that then you have no problems finding dates. So it's people dating genetics really lol. Sad that the western world has gone the way it has really I can't see anything good coming off it just very bad things looming on the horizon as a result of it all.
Original post by Anonymous
No in the western world, UK I think in particular it's pretty usual, even moreso for men. Dating isn't what it used to many decades ago when most people just wanted to be with someone. We're really only on this world a short time even if we get quite old so I feel it's a real shame we don't have the values we used to, to just get together and try and be happy in the company of another.

Stats are that it's around 50 percent of the population are single though done will have had relationships, be in/out of relationships, etc but generally the rising singles figure points to less people being in relationship I tend to get the impression overall. Some people also class stuff that was virtually non relationships as relationships. A kind of 'yeah I was with this girl but she was never really into me, wasn't intimate then dumped me after a week or two' sort of thing. No point bursting their bubble if they saw it as a relationship and happy with that then so be it.

But yeah it's really just a genetic lottery for a large part. If you come good in that then you have no problems finding dates. So it's people dating genetics really lol. Sad that the western world has gone the way it has really I can't see anything good coming off it just very bad things looming on the horizon as a result of it all.


I agree. Good points. Especially that first bit that I want to expand on. Previously, dating was all about finding the right person that you like and want to be with. Marriage rates were much higher back then too. People were more focused on other things. In today's society, however, people have become incredibly superficial and materialistic and focus too much on things like looks and money and focusing less on personality. If you look at modern dating for example, Tinder, the app is entirely superficial. People judge each other based on some photos. Girls are encouraged to look good in their bikinis and guys are taught that having a nice six pack is the success in dating. This sort of change in mentality is exactly why there are problems such as high divorce rates and an increased number of single people.

I also blame social media for this because this has become an absolute s***hole in our society. It's basically a platform where people are constantly comparing themselves to each other. It's an absolute killer and in fact, I believe this is one of the reasons for this change in mentality. The problem is that social media mostly only shows the positive side of things and only shows the end result and the success. I do think that we need to shut down all social media platforms for good. And as I said, we are already seeing all of the negative effects from it including inceldom, higher divorce rates and just general unhappiness from people. It changed people inside out.
Luckily for me I don't do much social media, I have accounts but rarely log on and even more rarely post anything. I'm probably in the minority these days in that one. I get all the people wanting their life to look good and show a sanitised positive look on it all. I also get that while it's nice that people have successes it can make others feel bad if their life doesn't seem to compare to the often overly positively construed feed.

It's a shame that what was supposed to being people together has caused such unhappiness. I don't really suffer from that much as I don't use it much so generally I just use it to have a(nother) contact point for those I'm close to. I've come across stuff on people's feed's who I used to know and momentarily felt that though. Then I realise that I'm happy enough doing what I'm doing and that's really all that counts. No point trying to live someone else's life and being miserable trying to compete with them particularly for stuff that doesn't interest me.

The incel stuff and all the rest is just big danger signs for things going from bad to very much worse in the future if we continue down the same track. Growing mental health problems, people being too selfish and trying to cut lives for themselves acting ruthlessly etc is all going to end in tears. I can't see any good coming off it. Yet we continue down the same track with too few seemingly realising no good can come of it all and it's only going to end up in one really f*cked up society. Then unfortunately it's likely to be too late and we'll all be suffering from it all.
I think also too many women wanting to go it alone having children is not a good thing. In the past way back it was often an unfortunate consequence now it seems to be more of a lifestyle choice. That I can only see ending badly in the long term. Cutting out men because the women doesn't want any argument or wants full control, independence, etc is really trying to duck issues in relationships by avoiding having a relationship. It may seem almost ideal at first but I don't see it ending well. Not only sone of the children not come of well but the men marginalised as a result could be problematic for society. Many animals that aren't treated well don't end up in any fur state, birds that are social left on their own peck their feathers off, dogs that aren't cared for can turn vicious or end up in perilous health, etc.

All the stuff going on these days affects us all or will do eventually. Too many people out there making bad decisions often as a result of the break down if society. OP here is just another example among many of us left by the way side. Over time that's going to likely end us in a bad place. We used to all look out for each other many decades ago as we knew we were all co-dependent as a species. Now I fear we mistakenly have gone too far to self interest and miss totally that it ultimately just doesn't work out that way.
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
I think also too many women wanting to go it alone having children is not a good thing. In the past way back it was often an unfortunate consequence now it seems to be more of a lifestyle choice. That I can only see ending badly in the long term. Cutting out men because the women doesn't want any argument or wants full control, independence, etc is really trying to duck issues in relationships by avoiding having a relationship. It may seem almost ideal at first but I don't see it ending well. Not only sone of the children not come of well but the men marginalised as a result could be problematic for society. Many animals that aren't treated well don't end up in any fur state, birds that are social left on their own peck their feathers off, dogs that aren't cared for can turn vicious or end up in perilous health, etc.

All the stuff going on these days affects us all or will do eventually. Too many people out there making bad decisions often as a result of the break down if society. OP here is just another example among many of us left by the way side. Over time that's going to likely end us in a bad place. We used to all look out for each other many decades ago as we knew we were all co-dependent as a species. Now I fear we mistakenly have gone too far to self interest and miss totally that it ultimately just doesn't work out that way.


I understand a lof of the points you're making but I think you're over analysing things a little bit. It's not all doom and gloom. There's around 10 billion of us and that's expected to grow so procreation is definitely still happening. Its just there are more of us being single, but that doesn't necessarily mean that less people are getting into "situationships".
I believe that there is someone out there for every one. If anything it's probably a lot easier to date now than it was 20-30 years ago. There's also less stigma around being single. People are also a lot economically better off so the need to find someone to build a future with has decreased. Properties are being built to make it harder to raise a family and this isn't just a western issue.
Original post by Char3313L
I understand a lof of the points you're making but I think you're over analysing things a little bit. It's not all doom and gloom. There's around 10 billion of us and that's expected to grow so procreation is definitely still happening. Its just there are more of us being single, but that doesn't necessarily mean that less people are getting into "situationships".
I believe that there is someone out there for every one. If anything it's probably a lot easier to date now than it was 20-30 years ago. There's also less stigma around being single. People are also a lot economically better off so the need to find someone to build a future with has decreased. Properties are being built to make it harder to raise a family and this isn't just a western issue.


A lot of the properties being built makes me wonder how people cope in them. They are basically very overpriced show boxes. A postage stamp size living room, small kitchen, and a couple of small bedrooms sometimes not large enough to fit a wardrobe in let alone any personal space. Sure there are a lot of terrace houses back in Victorian & Edwardian times that can be as small but times are kind of different now and usually a bit of recreational space is nice for the family to enjoy in the house. Houses presently being built are just all about the blandest functional living possible. Kind of just about corporate lifestyle living where both parents go out to work the kids get sent out to school and no one has much time to spend with each other at home as there isn't the space for it is the look it gives.

The homes from the post WWI era up until the 1980s you usually get a decent sized family house - now often worth a fortune when they used to be just seen as the standard sized family house and nothing that special. So yeah that doesn't help people have children together when the cost is so great, another problem in our society.

We have generally had pretty decent employment over the last couple of decades and people have been better of there (aside from the credit crunch for 2-3 years or so) but we've avoided so far the bad recessions like in the 90s with lon term bad unemployment. That may be about to change on the horizon with the Bank of England interested rate rises & inflation.

People can live single a bit easier these days but the housing market is making it harder now I think and even in that last couple of decades it could be punishing to spend a lot of your income in rent as a single person where two people could afford it easier and often had far greater ability to get a mortgage.

My point wasn't really that living a certain way or lifestyle is easier it's more about not people wanting to be single but people having little choice other than to be single. Basically that being single isn't really a chosen lifestyle for many but one that is inflicted upon them. That people not getting together is a big problem and causing many issues and those issues only getting worse going forward. Kids growing up with just one parent that may not survive long so they are left without anyone in the world. People with growing mental health problems because they are alone and have no one to support them/each other. People becoming isolated and cut off from society and thereby becoming non functional even dysfunctional members of society, etc and alm the social problems that go with dysfunctionality of the above. So it may look like people have their own freedom from the initial outlook but it not ending up well as time goes on with load of social problems coming out from everywhere and basic functionality if society ceasing to exist. Already I think in the past decade a rise in mental health problems a lot of which signify this and that growing even more as matters progress.
Back in the day when the man was the provider everyday average looking women looked at that and thought, 'ok he has value that he can provide for me'. Remember a full time more or less continuous working over nearly 50 years is no small undertaking it can be a hard life. So everyday looking women used to see the appeal in that and hooked up with everyday looking guys. Now they don't the providers role has largely gone and they see little appeal in the everyday joe sort of guy. They now all chase the top looking guys, the guys that are good socially, the very wealthy guys and possibly the gym guys. They are of course competing in a packed out field of girls up against the prettier girls the more social girls, etc to get with what they see are the worthy guys, the 'good men'. Most at best just get used for sex by those men as they don't see that the everyday girl has any value other than that. The everyday girl thinks because she had sex with such a 'good man' that she is in his league and doesn't see that she isn't that she is just being used for sex. She snubs the everyday guy thinking she is so much better as a result. In the end it leads to nowhere for her and it's all too late, she'll never accept the everyday dude as she is used to dating if only briefly much better looking dudes. The generally is going to cause big problems for society going forward in terms of functionality, society becomes increasingly dysfunctional in many different levels.

Traditionally the everyday girl on being willing to get with the everyday provider guy would overlook that he wasn't good looking and see the provider element as a good deal for her. The good looking guys who were playing around would be seen as unstable and not a good bet for a content future. The everyday guy would look at the good looking girls and perve away as they presently do but they would see that an everyday girl was showing that she was very interested in them and see that she was far more and easily obtainable. So most everyday guys would accept her or if not her another one. They would get used to her looks that get to know her personality and over time her looks would grow on them not be seen as so bad and she would be quite acceptable to them. The girl would be readily available for sex and loads of other dudes would not be after her. So the appeal for both would grow and so people that wouldn't ordinarily be that bothered with each other git together and most became largely content long term. Now that has all gone and many people live unhappy miserable lives and very few people are content in life. That's not going to be a good outcome long term.

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