SHORT VERSION AT THE BOTTOM, BUT PLEASE TRY AND READ WHOLE THING:
I am the middle of three sons and am very much introverted. While I do think I 'suffer' from middle-child syndrome to an extent, I don't dwell on it or blame it for any problems. However, the eldest son dropped out of school without any qualifications during the very beginning of secondary school, and as a very shy person I had to deal with endless questions from the intimidating older kids on a daily basis and hated it. It was the last thing I needed on top of having virtually no friends and hating the whole scenario.
Anyway, after this he has never had a job and has sat at home all night watching tv and sleeping all day. It is no exaggeration when I say he goes to bed at 6 am (when I got up for school, or used to - I've left now with A Levels) and wakes at 5pm when I get home. He behaves like a 5 year old in mentality and behaviour. I used to be fun and upbeat, but I and people around me have noticed a marked change in me and I have become deadly serious. I have never been to a party though choice, I never socialise, never smoked, don't drink, never had sex, or even kissed anyone. I literally haven't lived my life. This is because I feel it's my job to 'save the family' so to speak. I remember at family get togethers people commenting on me saying "he won't let you down" with regard to my eldest brother, and it feels like it's my duty. I don't think I really wanted to do A Levels- I'm not an academic although I managed to scrape together two Bs (narrowly missed out on As) I don't want to go to university, but I feel as though it's almost a duty, despite the fact it will be hell for me.
The academia combined with the stereotypical student lifestyle is the complete antithesis of everything I am, and I'll hate it. I feel rather resentful that I have had the worst of the middle child syndrome, and now I'm getting all the responsibility of the eldest, but without any of the recognition or 'perks'. I really have drawn the short straw in life. He lives an easy life of doing as he wants, bossing our mother around not earning a penny nor contributing one to the household despite the fact he runs up all the bills, in particular electricity with TV, lights, computer on all night.
This is also against a background of a younger brother who is a sporting 'star'. He is the baby and gets away murder. One cough and he's in A & E, whereas I travelled to school (30 miles) when having flu in the past. Not that I complain, that's just how I am. He is everything I wasn't; popular, sporty, a son you'd be proud of. It's even at the stage where blood relatives have sent christmas cards addressed to my parents, brothers and then, to rub salt into the wound, added "and" before leaving my name off.
The point of this is to ask whether you think my situation is pitiable, and for advice.
Sparknotes: Middle child with middle child syndrome - waster brother who has 'delegated' eldest's responsibilities and duties onto me. I've got short straw - crap life, miserable, going nowhere. Just here to make up the numbers and provide the family with something so they can keep up with the joneses. I hate who I have transformed into. I am very Victorian, no sex, no smoking, no drinking, never even kissed anyone - haven't lived my life because I have to behave and do family proud. Am I just destined to serve others and be miserable my whole life and never live life?