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I've been wanting to ask for a long time

Ok this is quite hard for me to ask.

I've been thinking about asking for a long time basically something thats been going on in my house.

I've had some physical ...problems with mainly one of my parents.

He's lost his temper since I was maybe 10 years old and I've ended up having heavy things thrown at me, being punched, strangled , thrown on the floor etc.

Is this something that goes on quite often with most teens as I see my family as being fairly normal aside from this?

Im just quite confused. I was prompted to ask this question because tonight it happened again (it only happens maybe once every 3 months). I put something in the dishwasher and he deemed it as being in the wrong place (dont understand how it was in the wrong place).

I just countered him shouting at me by saying "just because it isnt where you put it doesnt mean its wrong".

He shouted and threw a big glass pot at me quite hard from not to far away.

Am I being silly about this? I don't know if its just what families do. In the past we've been in arguments and he's been chasing me about the room trying to hurt me.

Both my parents have said its my fault because I get him angry enough to do it so I've always accepted that but I'd just like to know others think.

In the past I've had a few bruises on my face, been strangled (not badly - twice), had quite a few things thrown at me, been pushed and thrown onto the floor and just generally had him being aggressive and quite scary.

Please no stupid remarks. Its taken enough courage to write this.

Reply 1

aliciasace

Can I ask if you are male or female? Either way I never had any family problems like that when I was younger. Doesn't mean that it isn't a common occurence though!

Reply 2

Huskaris

And also, what culture do you come from? Without wanting to seem racist certain cultures are much more prone to hitting their children as a child rearing technique.

give him a smack

Original post by aliciasace

Can I ask if you are male or female? Either way I never had any family problems like that when I was younger. Doesn't mean that it isn't a common occurence though!

just because it's common doesn't mean it's normal

Reply 5

markosalami

Every family is different according to mentality and beliefs etc (you'd be surprised if you were not hit 100 years ago). So basically, as long as it is not SEVERE I think just try to talk with your parent to sort it out. If you feel it is over the top you could even go to the police...

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

my family are just regulAR british - white.

Im female.

Reply 7

Sakura-Chan

Original post by Anonymous

He's lost his temper since I was maybe 10 years old and I've ended up having heavy things thrown at me, being punched, strangled , thrown on the floor etc.

He shouted and threw a big glass pot at me quite hard from not to far away.

In the past I've had a few bruises on my face, been strangled (not badly - twice), had quite a few things thrown at me, been pushed and thrown onto the floor and just generally had him being aggressive and quite scary.

Please no stupid remarks. Its taken enough courage to write this.

None of that is anywhere near what I'd describe as ''normal'' :no:

If you ever need to talk to someone, or get some confidential advice, there are places you can call e.g. the Samaritans, or ChildLine.

http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx
http://www.samaritans.org/

Reply 8

shinytoy

Original post by Anonymous

my family are just regulAR british - white.

Im female.

it isnt normal for a white family. but pretty common for a black or asian family. that doesnt make it right though. how old are you, will you be movng out soon for like uni or job etc?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by shinytoy

it isnt normal for a white family. but pretty common for a black or asian family. that doesnt make it right though. how old are you, will you be movng out soon for like uni or job etc?

17 - possibly next semptember.

Reply 10

Menakshelatte

Original post by Anonymous

my family are just regulAR british - white.

Im female.

hmmm yh i can see its depressing for a regular birtish girl.
tbh i dont know the relations in british families so i guess it depends on you.

you see with asians that kind of thing is as regular as "good morning"

me and everyone around me get regular beats for stupid..so your situatuion seems normal TO ME..

BUT then again your british and your cultures different so yh i guess its kinda weird and not normal.
try talking to them about it/.

Reply 11

HarryA

Original post by Sakura-Chan

None of that is anywhere near what I'd describe as ''normal'' :no:

This.

I don't care what culture you live in, hitting children - or anyone for that matter - is not right.

You need to call those organisations for advice on what needs to happen. It can't carry on.

Reply 12

mel0n

Original post by Menakshelatte

Erm, getting beaten up isn't really as regular as 'good morning' :lolwut:

even if you're Asian it doesn't make it normal, tbh. But then that depends on one's definition of normal. I wouldn't say it's normal.

Reply 13

rosee92

What your parents are doing is abuse. Yes, both of them. Your father is violent and aggressive and your mother is allowing this to happen.
What you need to do is to GET OUT. Stay with a friend, a relative, anyone you can. Ring Samaritans for help. None of this is normal, yes it happens to other people in other cultures but that does not make it right.

Please don't let this continue. Good luck.

Reply 14

TheSadReaper

it's most definitely NOT normal. You need to talk to him - if you're sure he won't kill you- other wise run away!

Reply 15

Menakshelatte

Original post by mel0n

Erm, getting beaten up isn't really as regular as 'good morning' :lolwut:

even if you're Asian it doesn't make it normal, tbh. But then that depends on one's definition of normal. I wouldn't say it's normal.

i guess the definition of "normal" depends on culture and situation.
Havin Turkish&Indian parents that kinda thing is deffo normal..

arabs greeks,iran iraq etc. is also included.i know from experience.
once my friends mum beat my friend and his older brother SO SO SO bad..like in front of us..we literally thought their bones broke.
Then after we went some other lady neighbour called police apparently but the children and mum just said none of your business to her..

we have strong bondings i gues..or just different.with us we may kill eachother but love each other lots more.

this is MY opinion..i see the relationship of a mother and daughter (not asain)
they dont look at eachother the same way we do..
asian parents look with love.
This doesnt count for blacks..again my opinion.they beat theri children and love to a fair amount like white caucasion.
the most strong bonding and love i see in asains..though there are exceptions ofcourse :smile:

Reply 16

cannella

It is NOT normal, it's called abuse. You should seek some help if you're able to, or lay low until you move out. Is there anyone you could talk to about it (friends, other relatives)?

Telling you it's your fault for making your father angry is a typical excuse used by abusive parents to avoid the guilt and blame for what they're doing.

And honestly, I'm a bit appalled by all those who are using "cultural differences" to excuse that kind of behavior. The fact that for asian/black/whatever families it's common to beat their kids (assuming that it's true) does NOT make it right!