My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We had a rough patch around 6 months in and it got pretty bad. We were breaking up frequently, fighting a lot and it was just horrible. We got past that though and things have been great for a while.
During the time of the fighting, he told me one night (while we were in bed cuddling) that he had feelings for another woman. This sent me into a rage, and I left his room. I looked at his phone and saw texts from this girl saying how she had enjoyed their time together. He had made out with her. This made me even more crazy, and I flipped out. I yelled and I threw things (not at him) and he eventually kicked me out of his apartment.
I called several people to come pick me up and only one person said he could. This was a guy I didn't know very well, but my boyfriend insisted I leave or he would call the police. So I told him to come. I begged my boyfriend not to make me leave, but he told me I had to go. So when the guy came to pick me up, I left.
He told me that we had to stop by his place (which is on the way from my boyfriend's to mine) so that he could grab his cigarettes. He asked me to come in for a minute, so I did. I was not in the right state of mind. I was crushed and hurt and I felt so unwanted. But I went in. And he took me to his room. I should have asked to go right then, but I didn't. He then told me he was too tired to drive me home and asked if I minded staying the night. I did mind, but what was I supposed to say? "Risk your life to take me home because it's your job." He wasn't my brother or my Dad -- it wasn't his job to take care of me. So I said I didn't mind and asked where I could sleep. He told me I could have his bed.
So I laid down and began to fall asleep. That's when I realized he was laying behind me. I got up to go to the bathroom and called my boyfriend and asked him to come get me. He said he wouldn't. I asked him if he cared about me at all, and he didn't answer. So I went back into the guy's room, feeling completely unwanted and worthless. I laid back down and began to fall asleep again and he started groping me. I didn't tell him to stop. I should have, because I didn't want him to.
He tried to kiss me and I didn't react, but I pushed him away a bit. He then proceeded to take off my pants and put a condom on... He started having sex with me, and I was in another world. I don't know if I completely realized what was happening until it was too late. I made him stop. He was inside me for less than a minute. I put my pants back on and left his room immediately. His friend was home from work and I asked him to take me home. He did.
My boyfriend and I were technically broken up during this period. What I did wasn't extremely immoral to him, because he said I could see other people. However, the problem is, I lied to him about it. For months. I didn't want my stupid mistake to cost me the most important person in my life. I finally told him last night because I felt so overcome with guilt. Needless to say, he's upset. Very upset.
He told me that he doesn't know what he's going to do, but needs time alone to think about it. That's not how I feel it should be handled. I feel he and I need to discuss it together and come up with a solution. My questions are: What would you do if you were him and is there any way I can make him talk this through with me? He promised me after things started getting better that no matter what, he'd never give up on me again and if things got bad, we'd work harder and harder until we fixed them.