Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

I lied.

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Your relationship sounds like more trouble and drama than it's worth. I think you should either end it or have a LOT of time apart to re-evaluate your feelings.

Reply 21

Yawn11

Original post by Azayki

Why do you spend your time on the internet trying to hurt people who are obviously already not feeling the best? Does it make you feel better about yourself?

I do it for the lolz.

So in a way yeah it does make me feel better. Be sure update me when your life goes further down the crapper.

Reply 22

Xhotas

You pretty much got raped deary. You didn't consent, he took advantage, you left immediately. He didn't come get you, if you make up he should have done something. He was a dick, but he was honest to you. If you want to make it work, you need to be honest with him. If anything if he cares about you, he'd find the bastard and give him what he deserves and not be upset about it. If he doesn't, he'll moan and bitch to you about how much of a "slag" you are because you got taken advantage of.

Reply 23

Jacktri

"we were on a break!!!"

sorted

Reply 24

*pitseleh*

Blech. Allowing someone to take advantage of you =/= rape (aimed at those suggesting this is akin to rape rather than at the OP herself, though I think she is a little too ready to blame this guy when she didn't actually tell him she wasn't interested).

Reply 25

Profesh

Original post by Azayki

I really hope you're trolling, because that is not what rape is. If someone has the inability to think right - i.e. under the influence of alcohol, drugs, etc. - then it is also rape. I was under the influence of extreme emotional distress and I was taken advantage of. However, I don't feel the guy MEANT any harm to me, so I will not call him a rapist. He did, however, take advantage of a severely emotionally distraught girl.

Problem in your theory:
1. A girl who cannot speak, therefore, cannot be raped?
2. A girl who has been drugged up and then forced to have sex, is not raped?
3. A 7 year old girl has sex with an adult male. Is this not rape?

In all of those cases, I would say the girl was raped. Rape is defined as NON-consensual sex. Just because you don't say no doesn't mean you say yes. In order to get consent, you have to say yes.

You know, you can be taken advantage of or otherwise regret a sexual encounter without it automatically constituting rape.

Reply 26

joey11223

Original post by EskimoJo

Every guy who sleeps with a girl is taking advantage in some way

hmm interesting, can you elaborate a bit on that? I can't see how it is taking advantage in a relationship where both consent, what if the girl instigates it?

Reply 27

Azayki

Original post by EskimoJo

Every guy who sleeps with a girl is taking advantage in some way, unless he doesn't want to sleep with her. What this guy did is nowhere near rape.

Maybe every guy who sleeps with YOU is taking advantage in some way... but that certainly isn't true for the vast majority. I felt my judgment was compromised by my emotions and I thought I made it clear that I wasn't interested by pushing him away when he tried to kiss me. Anyway, I am not calling him a rapist and that is not the problem here.

Reply 28

EskimoJo

Original post by joey11223

hmm interesting, can you elaborate a bit on that? I can't see how it is taking advantage in a relationship where both consent, what if the girl instigates it?

Taking advantage of the fact that the girl likes him, taking advantage of his good looks/charm, taking advantage of the fact that she's his girlfriend and it's expected (maybe not so much this one), taking advantage of peer pressure, taking advantage of the girl being a bit desperate, taking advantage of the effects of alcohol...
I don't mean in a bad way. Taking advantage of something is not always negative, sometimes it just is. So much so that I dislike it being used to suggest rape. And two people can take advantage of each other, imo.
(all this applies to the girl of the guy btw, I wrote about guys just because the person I replied to was talking about the guy taking advantage)

Maybe the OP, or whoever I replied to should have used the word 'exploit', which is more of a selfish form of 'advantage taking'. And it's still not rape.

Reply 29

joey11223

Original post by EskimoJo

(all this applies to the girl of the guy btw, I wrote about guys just because the person I replied to was talking about the guy taking advantage)

Maybe the OP, or whoever I replied to should have used the word 'exploit', which is more of a selfish form of 'advantage taking'. And it's still not rape.

ah right brackets clear it up, I was going to say women can be equally if not more so (no offence haha) manipulative, in both getting sex and life in general. There's a reason phrases like "I would but the wife won't let me..." exist, men like to think they're in charge but in reality in a relationship they're pretty powerless, it's just sometimes to subtle for them to realise who's pulling the strings. :tongue:

Reply 30

EskimoJo

Original post by Azayki

Well no, because I haven't slept with anyone.
You barely showed any resistance (except by 'not reacting' but simultaneously 'pushing him away a bit'...) and since 99% of the time a guy sleeps with a girl, he doesn't ask 'am I allowed' first, you basically had consensual sex and you did it because you felt unwanted. Which is fine, you can choose to sleep with someone for whatever reason you want. Just don't try to deny it was consensual and don't get offended when people think you're a dick for having sex with someone when you have a boyfriend.
If you thought you made it clear you weren't interested, you would be crying rape and that would be the problem here.

Reply 31

wanderlust.xx

Original post by Yawn11

Luckily for your BF he already has a back up chick set up to replace you.

Welcome back to the single life, we've missed you.

You were that douche she asked for a lift from, weren't you?

Reply 32

Yawn11

Original post by wanderlust.xx

You were that douche she asked for a lift from, weren't you?

Don't hate the plater baby, hate the game. :sexface:

Reply 33

EskimoJo

Original post by joey11223

Just want to reiterate that I don't think it's a bad thing. We must all take the most advantage in all aspects of our life otherwise we end up doormats and/or broke. We do it in the workplace, with our friendships, at a hotel on holiday, when shopping... I'd say maybe only with family there is no real advantage, just love, as you have no choice! Who wants a relationship where they gain nothing? Who enters a shop to lose out? (even if the shops earn the most monetary profit, we keep going back because we're gaining something important to us) When two people sleep with each other, most of the time the situation has been used to one or both's advantage (possibly in different ways).
I apologise for being pedantic and complicated. :p:

Reply 34

joey11223

Original post by EskimoJo

I apologise for being pedantic and complicated. :p:

haha no probs, btw your PM box is full..mind making space? :biggrin:

Reply 35

rosee92

Original post by Azayki

We were both dicks. I slightly resent him being called a dick though, he is not the one who did the major wrong here. I was and I am aware of that. Regardless of whether or not I was willing to partake in the situation that occurred that night, I put myself in a position to let something like that happen. And then I lied about it.

We have discussed all our previous issues and resolved them. Everything else is fine and dandy, but now we have to make it through this. He DOES care about me and he does love me. I know that.

Erm, HE put YOU in that situation. He threatened you with the police if you didn't leave, you took the only option of getting away, tried to get him to help you, to which he refused and hardly consented. It's pretty obvious that if he'd picked you up when you said you were worried about this guy or was mature enough to understand why you were upset when he'd made out with this other girl then you wouldn't have been at this guys flat.

Plus he made out with a girl when you wre technically broken up and lied about it, you had barely consensual sex with a guy when you were technically broken up. Hypocrite much?