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"Just Friends" with a girl that fancies you?

Please keep anon incase my friends see my username as they'll guess it's me!

Basically....the questions in the title! I'm really good friends with a guy who somehow knows that I fancy him. Rather than brushing me aside we have kept our frindship hte same and we never discuss this fact. Is that not a bit weird? Surely if he knew I fancied him he shouldn't speak to me as much? He openly discusses girls/dates with me so its obvious he doesn't like me back...

So can someone give me some help? Is this possible? Why doesn't he like cut off ties or something rather than meeting me everyday pretty much amd alost giving me false hope? Surely when we meet it must be odd for him knowing I like him? Or is it a power thing that he's happy to have a girl who likes him and wants to keep me sweet so I keep showing interest?

Confused. x

Reply 1

username511256

He likes that he has that power over you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

But I see him as one of my close friends...so does he not? If he has all that power over me?

Reply 3

d123

Maybe he thinks it's better for you to be friends with him than to never see him? I know it's difficult when you like someone, and you see them a lot, because it's hard to know exactly what they want from you. I think you need to decide whether you would rather things went on as they are, or whether you can't cope being just friends and would rather not see him that much. If it's the latter, speak to him and let him know how you feel.

I know I'd rather see the guy a lot, and let myself get false hopes or whatever, rather than cut all contact with him, but that's me. You need to decide what's right for you.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Yeah it's the same for me in that I'd much rather keep seeing him, but then I don't wanna be used either :frown:

Reply 5

Gallabay

He probably doesnt want it to be weird with you, if he values your friendship, but i agree with the 2nd poster that he probably enjoys having you lapping at his feet, so maybe dont so much and see what happens. If he pursues you, then clearly he wants to be friends.

I will say however, that if it was me in his situation, I'd distance myself from the girl so i didnt hurt her, but thats just me...

Reply 6

Menakshelatte

maybe he's just mature??

Reply 7

When will I know?

Maybe he actually sees you as a good friend. How is he using you? :s-smilie:

You're agreeing to meet up with him too....you could easily be doing the same to him, if you didnt 'fancy' him would you agree to meet up and make effort to be good friends? Works both ways.

Reply 8

Locke54

Happens all the time with people who know a friend likes them. They don't want to lose the friendship but at the same time they're not interested in anything more. You've basically got to get over it or make a move. That or just continue the awkwardness indefinitely.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by When will I know?

Maybe he actually sees you as a good friend. How is he using you? :s-smilie:

You're agreeing to meet up with him too....you could easily be doing the same to him, if you didnt 'fancy' him would you agree to meet up and make effort to be good friends? Works both ways.

Like...leading me on and having a girl there who fancies him. It might make him feel good knowing theres a girl he doesntl ike but likes him, like an ego boost?

Reply 10

Malkmus

He probably enjoys your company, thinks you're a nice person etc. just doesn't like you in that way. If that's the case then it probably doesn't change anything for him particularly if he thinks you're clear on where you both stand. And, yeah he might like the attention but then again he may prefer you didn't fancy him.

I wouldn't stop hanging out with some girl just because I didn't like her in the same way she liked me. Personally, in that situation, I'd prefer the girl didn't have any romantic feelings towards me as, to be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing certain subjects (e.g. my girlfriend, other girls etc.) in front of her. So long as you aren't full on/touchy feely or make the fact you fancy him a major issue, I don't see why it should make him want to not be friends with you.

EDIT: Also, if you're not comfortable with just remaining friends with him then don't remain friends. I don't see how he's in any way using you if he's been clear that he doesn't fancy you. The responsibility is on you to cut ties if the friendship isn't something you're happy with.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 11

Huskaris

I have a friend like that, without wanting to seem big headed. I think we have become such good friends that those feelings have died really... In other words, she's got to know that I'm not that attractive after all haha :biggrin:

Nah, don't read too much into it, some people would rather keep you as a friend even though it's a bit awkward than lose a friend.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Huskaris

Nah, don't read too much into it, some people would rather keep you as a friend even though it's a bit awkward than lose a friend.

That makes sense :smile:

it would be awkward to stop seeing each other.

Reply 13

When will I know?

Original post by Anonymous

Like...leading me on and having a girl there who fancies him. It might make him feel good knowing theres a girl he doesntl ike but likes him, like an ego boost?

Unless he shows some sort of affection then no....if you've not talked about it since..then as far as he's concerned you could be over him.

It would also depend on the way you are near him, if you're consantly giving him attention and make it obvious that you still like him...then yeah he could be leading you on in that way, but if you're not like that then i dont see a problem tbh...well atleast not with him....If you like him, and you're spending a lot of time with him, you'll only get your own self hurt (No point blaming him, if he doesnt feel the same way). He could jut be a genuinely nice person, who doesnt want to end a friendship.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Maybe he is just genuinely nice....and I just need to get over him...great!

Reply 15

SugarPuffs

He will use this to his advantage, meaning since he knows you fancy him he can make you a little jealous by talking about other girls with you, therefore making you work a little harder to get/keep his attention.